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...By Dr. Howdy
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Friday
Amazingly Ugly Statue
A man was looking around a small gift shop when he came
across an amazingly ugly statue of a rat. As he was staring
at this statue, the shopkeeper came up to him and began
to speak.
"Sir, I couldn't help but notice your interest in the
statue. It's only five dollars, sir, but the story behind
it will cost you fifty." The man turned back around and
looked in shock.
"Let me get this straight. If I buy the statue and the story
behind it, I'll be paying fifty-five dollars. But if I can
bear to live without the story, I'll only pay five?"
The Shopkeeper grinned and nodded. Not believing what a
bargain he'd got, the man quickly paid and walked out of the
store. A few moments later, he noticed that a lone rat was
following him. He shrugged, and ignored the rodent, hoping
it would leave. When he looked back again, some five minutes
later, he saw that the number of rodents had grown to maybe
fifty rats. A little nervous, he turned back to his path and
continued walking.
When he looked around the third time, he saw thousands of
rats following him. Horribly frightened, the man rushed to a
dock overlooking the ocean and threw the statue as far out
to sea as he possibly could. The rats followed the statue,
sinking into the waves like stones.
The man then rushed back to the shop, elated, panicked,
and still in shock. When he burst through the door, the
shopkeeper gave a little chuckle. He had a smug grin on
his face as he said, "I expect you've come back to buy the
story." The shopkeeper held out his hand for the fifty
dollars. The customer looked confused for a second, then said.
"Heck no! I wanna know if you've got a statue of a lawyer!"
WORLD RESTAURANT
Waitress: Hawaii, Mister? You must be Hungary.
Gent: Yes, Siam. And I can't Rumania long, either. Venice
lunch ready?
Waitress: I'll Russia table. What are you Ghana Havre?
Aix?
Gent: You want Tibet? I prefer Turkey. Can Jamaica cook
step on the Gaza bit?
Waitress: Odessa laugh! Alaska, but listen for her Wales.
Gent: I'm not Balkan. Just put a Cuba sugar in my Java.
Waitress: Don't you be Sicily, big boy. Sweden it yourself.
I'm only here to Serbia.
Gent: Denmark my check and call the Bosphorus, Egypt me.
There's an Eire. I hope he'll Kenya. I don't Bolivia know
who I am!
Waitress: Canada noise! I don't Caribbean. You sure Ararat!
Gent: Samoa your wisecracks? What's got India? D'you think
this arguing Alps business? Why be so Chile? Be Nice!
Waitress: Don't Kiev me that Boulogne! Alemain do! Spain in
the neck. Pay your Czech and don't Kuwait. Ayssinia!
Gent (to himself): I'll come back with my France and Taiwan
on Zanzibar is open.
(To be read out loud)
Driver's License Pictures
If you look like the photo on your driver's license,
you aren't well enough to drive.
Your Heart
In one year, the average human heart circulates from
770,000 to 1.6 million gallons of blood through the body.
This is enough fluid to fill 200 tank cars, each with a capacity
of 8,000 gallons.
See Ps 139
Tallest & Largest
The California redwood - coast redwood and giant sequoia -
are the tallest and largest living organism in the world.
Birth Of The Dictionary
Like a lot of husbands throughout history,
Webster would sit down and try to talk to
his wife. But as soon as he would start to
say something, his wife would say, "
... And what's that supposed to mean?"
Thus, Webster's Dictionary was born.
Trivial Test
1) In geology, what is calving?
2) What common chemical compound is represented by the
formula NH3?
3) In the animal kingdom, what is a glutton?
4) How many muscles are there in the human ear?
5) What is the name of the protein-the most abundant in the human
body-that holds our skin together?
6) How many books of the Bible are named for women?
7) How many degrees can a great horned owl turn its head?
8) How many pointers were there on the first clocks with
hands-made in the fourteenth century?
9) What temperature does the tungsten filament in an electric
light reach when the light is turned on?
10) If you're selecting a three-course meal from a menu that
offers four appetizers, seven entries and three desserts,
how many different meals can you order?
(answers in "comments" - don't cheat!!)
WORD KNOWLEDGE QUIZ
Match the words in the left-hand column with
the correct definition in the right-hand column.
The answers are located in the "comments"...
1. footling ............ A. Not to be persuaded or moved by entreaty or prayer
2. aerie ................ B. Full of apprehensiveness
3. smirch ............. C. Having no importance
4. juxtaposition ... D. To grumble and complain about things
5. ossify .............. E. Dry; withered
6. kvetch ............ F. The bird's nest built on a lofty place
7. inexorable ...... G. Being placed in nearness or side by side
8. sere ................ H. Expressing grief or sorrow
9. timorous ........ I. To change into bone
10. dolorous ...... J. To damage somebody's reputation
Italian Chef
Once I got angry at the chef of an Italian restaurant.
So I gave him a pizza my mind.
Battle Of The Sexes
Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes.
There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy.
ATM Machines
UNC* student to friend: "I got some
bad news today: You know the money
I get from those little ATM machines?
It comes from MY account!"
*See "comments"...
The Lost
I am of the mindset that Sunday
afternoons are meant for wandering.
At least for me it is a hallowed task...
A Letter To Friends
Dearest Friends,
Listen to advice and accept instruction
and in the end you will be wise. Many
are the plans in a man's heart, but it is
the Lord's purpose that prevails.
Sincerely,
Solomon
19P20
Spain & The Jihadists
If you know where to look, it's easy to find evidence of
Spain's Islamic past: You can see it in Spanish architecture
and in the faces of the people. You can hear it in Spanish
music, especially flamenco, and in the Spanish language
itself.
Spain's Islamic past: You can see it in Spanish architecture
and in the faces of the people. You can hear it in Spanish
music, especially flamenco, and in the Spanish language
itself.
Despite these undeniable historical links between Spain
and the Islamic world, Spaniards have no interest in turning
back the clock, not after their ancestors spent seven centuries
expelling the Muslim invaders who forced themselves on Spain.
However, there is one group that remains committed to such
a "reunion": Islamist radicals...
No Such Thing As A Secret
A friend of mine was commenting on some recent
news stories in which something very shocking,
very violent and seemingly unexplainable had
happened within a family. He concluded with
a comment based on a classic country song he
knew, "No one knows what goes on behind
closed doors." Actually, that's not true.
It's a fact that there are plenty of secrets behind
closed doors. No one on earth probably knows the
real you like the people you live with. They see you
unmasked and unedited. There's some ugly stuff
behind some of our closed doors. Then there are
the things we do when no one seems to be watching
or hearing - our secrets. I'm reminded of those com -
mercials advertising a certain resort city that say,
"What you do here stays here......"
Our Blog Readers Snapshot
| Num | Perc. | Country Name | ||
 | 34 | 41.98% | United States |  |
| 12 | 14.81% | Australia |  |
| 6 | 7.41% | Kenya |  |
| 5 | 6.17% | Lebanon |  |
| 4 | 4.94% | Canada |  |
| 4 | 4.94% | Czech Republic |  |
| 3 | 3.70% | United Kingdom |  |
| 3 | 3.70% | Libyan Arab Jamahiriya |  |
| 2 | 2.47% | Guyana |  |
| 2 | 2.47% | Spain |  |
| 2 | 2.47% | Belgium |  |
| 2 | 2.47% | Egypt |  |
| 2 | 2.47% | Indonesia |  |
Above numbers give a snapshot of the locations of our
last 100 readers around 9 A.M. today. This will change
completely in the next few minutes. A numerical counter
is shown below.
LIVING LIKE ESAU
We tell ourselves that we'd never sell our
birthright for a bowl of stew. But do we
just have a higher price?
GET TO WORK OR ELSE?
Most well-educated women have chosen to
stay at home with their babies rather than
work in the market economy. Now why
would some people, such as professor
Linda Hirshman, find that shameful?
ENCOUNTERING ETTY
In the midst of the horror of Nazi persecution,
Etty Hillesum found beauty and hope and reason
to be grateful. And showed that despite its tragedy
and loneliness, life is beautiful...
Thursday
The Wedding
"How did the wedding go?" asked the preacher's wife.
"Just fine until I asked the bride if she would obey and she
said, 'Do you think I'm nuts?' and the groom said, 'I do,'
and then things really began to happen fast."
Surveillance Equipment -
In My Living Room
I think that someone must have surveillance
equipment set up in my living room, because
every once in a while, someone on the TV will
tell me what channel I'm watching. That really
freaks me out, you know?
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