This Blog -
Moved To:
http://professor-howdy.blogspot.com/

Riddles:


1) Can you decipher this famous saying?

That prudent avis which matutinally deserts the coziness
of its abode will ensnare a vermiculate creature.

2) What has one leg,
but not two.
Never gets fat,
has 15 teeth,
but doesn't chew.
All green and no blue,
bugs don't like them but I do.
What are they?

(Answers way below)

===============

No wonder English is difficult to learn:

We polish the Polish furniture.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

A farm can produce produce.

The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.

The soldier decided to desert in the desert.

The present is a good time to present the present.

At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.

The dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to the object.

The insurance for the invalid was invalid.

The bandage was wound around the wound.

===============

Q: How do UNC student's brain cells die ?
A: Alone.

===============

How it all started...

The scene: Alexander Graham Bell's laboratory.

An exciting new discovery is about to take place.
Mr. Bell and his assistant, aman named Watson,
have been hard at work on Bell's new invention
to transmit sound over wires.

As Mr. Watson toiled away in the room with the
receiver, he suddenly hears ...

"Good evening, sir. Are you paying too
much for your long distance service?"

===============

The UNC coed came running in tears to her father. "Dad,
you gave me some terrible financial advice!" she cried.

"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.

"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that
big bank is in trouble."

"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks
in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some mistake."

"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of
my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."

===============

A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in
London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but if you wanted the
steak you might not get one as there is a shortage." The
Texan said, "What's a shortage?" The Russian said, "What's
a steak?" The New Yorker said, "What's excuse me?"

===============


Q: How do you double the value of a Yugo?
A: Fill it with gas.

===============

*You might think that the Earth is closest to the Sun when the weather
is warmest, but that's only true south of the equator. Earth's
closest approach to the Sun (perihelion) happens around January 2,
when it's winter in the north.

Earth's orbit is so close to circular that the difference in distance
between the closest and farthest points is very slight. The
atmosphere and oceans hold so much of the Sun's warmth, that the
effect of the distance changes is mostly invisible. What an amazing
Creator our Universe has.

The Sun at perihelion in 2000:
http://earthsky.com/2000/es000102.html

The 21,000 year Milankovitch cycle:
http://aa.usno.navy.mil/AA/faq/docs/seasons_orbit.html


{Double click on the web address above for additional information:}

===============

*Ever since people have made movies, they have wanted to include
special effects that fool viewers. In the days before computer
graphics, special effects were often quite creative, as in the
movie "The Wizard Of Oz" where a realistic tornado sweeps across the
plains.

The Kansas twister that swept up Dorothy and her house was actually a
long string of muslin stockings sewed together and stuffed. It was
photographed dangling down into a model scene with miniatures of the
farm and nearby fields.

The stocking was not the only creative tornado effect. In the most
close-up shots of the twister, it was a huge dust-filled burlap bag
that was being beaten to release dark, swirling clouds. There were
also some actual shots of a real tornado when it was seen far away
across the plains.

More about the art of special effects:
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/specialfx/
http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Makeup/9472/sfx.htm


{Double click on the web address above for additional information:}

===============
The "E-Mail Newspaper" containing 'Thought & Humor' is sent out free
via e-mail. This information was sent
to you because you or a friend may have requested, if not, accept our
apologies and you will be deleted from
our data base after you advise us. 'Thought & Humor' is one small
attempt to obey "The Great Commission".

Soli Deo Gloria... To
Join:>howdy123@b...<
________________________ "E-Mail Newspaper (Free4u)"
______________________________
References gleamed for great humor & information: Merry Heart,
Learning Kingdom, Thomas S. Elworth,
Funny List, MeMail, Daily Dose, Joke of the Day, andychap, Buffalos3,
MIKEY'S FUNNIES , The Daily Tease

crosswalk.com/lists, thedailytease.com,
humorcartoons@a... & MSKitty.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Dear Howdy, I love the newsletter! We're moving and want
to change our e-mail address from n___@___.com
to n___@y... We are church planting missionaries in Puerto
Cortes,
Honduras. I think that your ministry has an incredible outreach
potential, and appreciate what you are doing for the
Lord. Besides that, I enjoy your UNC jokes.

Thanks,
Bryan (Honduras)


+++

Dear Howdy, I have recently changed online services and would like to
continue receiving T & H. I love your jokes and pass them on to
others.
Thanks a million!
Amy

+++

Dear Howdy, As one from Texas, "Howdy" is used quite often and not
just by
Aggies from Texas A & M. And since we are on the subject, the UNC
jokes
are the same down here in Texas, but we call them Aggie Jokes. So,
should
I be offended too? I think not. Keep up the good work.
See Ya'll Later.
Sar

===============

WOMEN'S ANTI-STRESS DIET

This is a specially formulated diet designed to help women cope with
the
stress that builds up during the day.

BREAKFAST
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole-wheat toast
1 cup skim milk

LUNCH
small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey kiss

AFTERNOON TEA
the rest of the kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen Daas ice cream with choc-chip topping

DINNER
4 bottles of pop
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size supreme pizza
3 snickers bars

LATE NIGHT SNACK
whole frozen Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

REMEMBER:
STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS "DESSERTS

===============

Did you hear about the UNC band member who
locked his keys in the car?
He had to break a window to get the drummer out!

===============


Translations of hotel terms!

Old world charm ................ No bath
Tropical ....................... Rainy
Majestic setting ............... A long way from town
Options galore ................. Nothing is included in the itinerary
Secluded hideaway .............. Impossible to find or get to
Pre-registered rooms ........... Already occupied
Explore on your own ............ Pay for it yourself
Knowledgeable trip hosts ....... They've flown in an airplane before
No extra fees .................. No extras
Nominal fee .................... Outrageous charge
Standard ....................... Sub-standard
Deluxe ......................... Standard
Superior ....................... One free shower cap
Cozy ............................. Small
All the amenities .............. Two free shower caps
Plush ............................ Top and bottom sheets
Gentle breezes ................. Occasional Gale-force winds
Light and airy ................. No air conditioning
Picturesque .................... Theme park nearby
Concierge ...................... Stand with tourist brochures
Continental breakfast .......... Free muffin

===============

Josh was helping Sally, a UNC student, clean out the trunk of her
car.
Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at
it
a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking
that was
a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.

She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."

Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"

Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my
tires..."


===============

"I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris
and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering fromthese,
I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they
gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy.
These gaveway to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely
lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute
ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis.
I don't know how I pulled through it.... It was the hardest spelling
test I've ever had."

===============

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could
make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane. When they
checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were
carrying two dead raccoons.

"Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" he asked.

"No, thanks," replied one of the vultures. "They're carrion."

===============

A real man's guide to household tools:
You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.

If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40.
If it moves and it shouldn't, use Duct Tape.

===============

PERMISSION: Yeah, you can send this Funny to anybody you want. And,
if
you're REAL nice, you'll tell them you got it from:
howdy123@b...

===============
Goodbye for now & best wishes!
Your friend,
Howdy
P.S. We do precision guesswork.
===============


Q: Why is 'Thought & Humor' so long?
A. All newspapers & magazines are long!

Q: What if I can't read all of it?
A: Delete it. Most folks don't read every word in every
newspaper/magazine either?

Q: Am I required to memorize each article?
A:Nope! Delete what you don't have time for or save for another time.

Q. Is 'T & H' Spam?
A. No, it is made entirely of chicken.

Q: Can I forward to friends?
A: Please do.

Q: How many 'T & H' E-Mail Newspapers are sent out each time?
A: Over 12,000 + forwards by you.

Q: Who is Howdy?
A: We let him think he's the boss...


===============
Take the best medicine of all for what ails you -- laughter:

"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."

--Arnold Glasow

"Laughter is by definition healthy."

--Doris Lessing

"If somebody makes me laugh, I'm his slave for life."

--Bette Midler

¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤º°`°º¤º°`°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°`°º¤ø¤


Solution to today's Riddle:

1) The early bird gets the worm.

2) A VENUS FLY TRAP
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