That prudent avis which matutinally deserts the coziness of its abode will ensnare a vermiculate creature.
2) What has one leg, but not two. Never gets fat, has 15 teeth, but doesn't chew. All green and no blue, bugs don't like them but I do. What are they?
(Answers way below)
===============
No wonder English is difficult to learn:
We polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
A farm can produce produce.
The dump was so full it had to refuse refuse.
The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
The present is a good time to present the present.
At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
The dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
===============
Q: How do UNC student's brain cells die ? A: Alone.
===============
How it all started...
The scene: Alexander Graham Bell's laboratory.
An exciting new discovery is about to take place. Mr. Bell and his assistant, aman named Watson, have been hard at work on Bell's new invention to transmit sound over wires.
As Mr. Watson toiled away in the room with the receiver, he suddenly hears ...
"Good evening, sir. Are you paying too much for your long distance service?"
===============
The UNC coed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" she cried.
"I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad.
"You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble."
"What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some mistake."
"I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'."
===============
A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get one as there is a shortage." The Texan said, "What's a shortage?" The Russian said, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker said, "What's excuse me?"
===============
Q: How do you double the value of a Yugo? A: Fill it with gas.
===============
*You might think that the Earth is closest to the Sun when the weather is warmest, but that's only true south of the equator. Earth's closest approach to the Sun (perihelion) happens around January 2, when it's winter in the north.
Earth's orbit is so close to circular that the difference in distance between the closest and farthest points is very slight. The atmosphere and oceans hold so much of the Sun's warmth, that the effect of the distance changes is mostly invisible. What an amazing Creator our Universe has.
The Sun at perihelion in 2000: http://earthsky.com/2000/es000102.html
The 21,000 year Milankovitch cycle: http://aa.usno.navy.mil/AA/faq/docs/seasons_orbit.html
{Double click on the web address above for additional information:}
===============
*Ever since people have made movies, they have wanted to include special effects that fool viewers. In the days before computer graphics, special effects were often quite creative, as in the movie "The Wizard Of Oz" where a realistic tornado sweeps across the plains.
The Kansas twister that swept up Dorothy and her house was actually a long string of muslin stockings sewed together and stuffed. It was photographed dangling down into a model scene with miniatures of the farm and nearby fields.
The stocking was not the only creative tornado effect. In the most close-up shots of the twister, it was a huge dust-filled burlap bag that was being beaten to release dark, swirling clouds. There were also some actual shots of a real tornado when it was seen far away across the plains.
More about the art of special effects: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/specialfx/ http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Makeup/9472/sfx.htm
{Double click on the web address above for additional information:}
=============== The "E-Mail Newspaper" containing 'Thought & Humor' is sent out free via e-mail. This information was sent to you because you or a friend may have requested, if not, accept our apologies and you will be deleted from our data base after you advise us. 'Thought & Humor' is one small attempt to obey "The Great Commission".
Soli Deo Gloria... To Join:>howdy123@b...< ________________________ "E-Mail Newspaper (Free4u)" ______________________________ References gleamed for great humor & information: Merry Heart, Learning Kingdom, Thomas S. Elworth, Funny List, MeMail, Daily Dose, Joke of the Day, andychap, Buffalos3, MIKEY'S FUNNIES , The Daily Tease
Dear Howdy, I love the newsletter! We're moving and want to change our e-mail address from n___@___.com to n___@y... We are church planting missionaries in Puerto Cortes, Honduras. I think that your ministry has an incredible outreach potential, and appreciate what you are doing for the Lord. Besides that, I enjoy your UNC jokes.
Thanks, Bryan (Honduras)
+++
Dear Howdy, I have recently changed online services and would like to continue receiving T & H. I love your jokes and pass them on to others. Thanks a million! Amy
+++
Dear Howdy, As one from Texas, "Howdy" is used quite often and not just by Aggies from Texas A & M. And since we are on the subject, the UNC jokes are the same down here in Texas, but we call them Aggie Jokes. So, should I be offended too? I think not. Keep up the good work. See Ya'll Later. Sar
===============
WOMEN'S ANTI-STRESS DIET
This is a specially formulated diet designed to help women cope with the stress that builds up during the day.
LUNCH small portion lean, steamed chicken with a cup of spinach 1 cup herbal tea 1 Hershey kiss
AFTERNOON TEA the rest of the kisses in the bag 1 tub of Hagen Daas ice cream with choc-chip topping
DINNER 4 bottles of pop 2 loaves garlic bread 1 family size supreme pizza 3 snickers bars
LATE NIGHT SNACK whole frozen Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)
REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS "DESSERTS
===============
Did you hear about the UNC band member who locked his keys in the car? He had to break a window to get the drummer out!
===============
Translations of hotel terms!
Old world charm ................ No bath Tropical ....................... Rainy Majestic setting ............... A long way from town Options galore ................. Nothing is included in the itinerary Secluded hideaway .............. Impossible to find or get to Pre-registered rooms ........... Already occupied Explore on your own ............ Pay for it yourself Knowledgeable trip hosts ....... They've flown in an airplane before No extra fees .................. No extras Nominal fee .................... Outrageous charge Standard ....................... Sub-standard Deluxe ......................... Standard Superior ....................... One free shower cap Cozy ............................. Small All the amenities .............. Two free shower caps Plush ............................ Top and bottom sheets Gentle breezes ................. Occasional Gale-force winds Light and airy ................. No air conditioning Picturesque .................... Theme park nearby Concierge ...................... Stand with tourist brochures Continental breakfast .......... Free muffin
===============
Josh was helping Sally, a UNC student, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit". Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for.
She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."
Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"
Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires..."
===============
"I had the toughest time of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering fromthese, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gaveway to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely lost my memory for a while. I know I had diabetes and acute ingestion, besides gastritis, rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis. I don't know how I pulled through it.... It was the hardest spelling test I've ever had."
===============
As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane. When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons.
"Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" he asked.
"No, thanks," replied one of the vultures. "They're carrion."
===============
A real man's guide to household tools: You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn't, use Duct Tape.
===============
PERMISSION: Yeah, you can send this Funny to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them you got it from: howdy123@b...
=============== Goodbye for now & best wishes! Your friend, Howdy P.S. We do precision guesswork. ===============
Q: Why is 'Thought & Humor' so long? A. All newspapers & magazines are long!
Q: What if I can't read all of it? A: Delete it. Most folks don't read every word in every newspaper/magazine either?
Q: Am I required to memorize each article? A:Nope! Delete what you don't have time for or save for another time.
Q. Is 'T & H' Spam? A. No, it is made entirely of chicken.
Q: Can I forward to friends? A: Please do.
Q: How many 'T & H' E-Mail Newspapers are sent out each time? A: Over 12,000 + forwards by you.
Q: Who is Howdy? A: We let him think he's the boss...
=============== Take the best medicine of all for what ails you -- laughter:
"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."
--Arnold Glasow
"Laughter is by definition healthy."
--Doris Lessing
"If somebody makes me laugh, I'm his slave for life."