There was a UNC grad driving down the center of the road at 100 mph. A police officer pulled her over to the side of the road. When she had stopped, the officer asked, "License and Registration please"
"It's okay, Officer, I have a special license that allows me to do this," she said smiling.
"That's impossible!" The officer replied, "I've never heard of such a license."
To which the driver reached into her purse and handed him her license. Astonished, the Officer said, "Just as I suspected. This is an ordinary license, I see nothing here that would allow you special consideration."
She pointed to the bottom of the license, "See? it says so right here: 'Tear Along The Dotted Line'."
Guess My Name Game: http://www.zerotv.com/namegame/index.cfm?game=now
===============
TRIVIA:
The bouillon cube was once a common snack food in early America. Beef or veal stock was boiled down until it reached a hard jelly texture. The hard cakes didn't spoil, and trappers and hunters nibbled on them when tramping along on long journeys during the 1700s.
***
Lithiated Lemon was the creation of Charles Griggs from Missouri, who introduced the lemon-lime drink in 1929. Four years later he renamed it 7-Up. Sales increased significantly.
***
Americans buy an average of 4.6 movie tickets per year. According to Eurostat, the statistical office of the European Union, Ireland buys the most of the European countries, with 3.2 tickets a year.
???
Shark
The largest Great White Shark ever caught measured 37 feet and weighed 24,000 pounds. It was found in a herring weir in New Brunswick in 1930. The harmless Whale Shark, holds the title of largest fish, with the record being a 59 footer captured in Thailand in 1919.
***
Wood
Pine, spruce, or other evergreen wood should never be used in barbecues. These woods, when burning or smoking, can add harmful tar and resins to the food. Only hardwoods should be used for smoking and grilling, such as oak, pecan, hickory, maple, cherry, alder, apple, or mesquite, depending on the type of meat being cooked.
***
Sandy Koufax
Over a six-year period (1961-1966), baseball legend Sandy Koufax was the strikeout king four times, the Cy Young winner on three occasions, and the National League MVP in 1963. His first name given at birth was Sanford.
===============
Contemporary Latin Phrases
"Domino vobiscum." (The pizza guy is here.)
"Sharpei diem." (Seize the wrinkled dog.)
"Nucleo predicus dispella conducticus." (Remove foil before microwaving.)
"Motorolus interruptus." (Hold on, I'm going into a tunnel.)
"Revelare Pecunia!" (Show Me The Money!)
"Ignoramus microsoftis multa pecunia dat." (Yeah, where DO I want to go today??)
"Sic semper tyrannus." (Your dinosaur is ill.)
"No Quid Pro Quo." (I'm Sorry, We're All Out of Quid.)
"Nunc Tutus Exitus Computarus." (It's Now Safe To Turn Off Your Computer.)
"Veni, Vidi, Velcro" (I came; I saw; I stuck around.)
===============
There is simply no historic foundation for the position that the Framers intended to build the 'wall of separation' that was constitutionalized in Everson. The 'wall of separation be- tween church and state' is a metaphor based on bad history, a metaphor which has proved useless as a guide to judging. It should be frankly and explicitly abandoned. - - - Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court, William Rehnquist
A UNC student buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Raleigh to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The UNC student says, "I want my $20 million."
The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."
The UNC student said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."
Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The UNC student, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"
===============
When Tomorrow Starts Without Me Author Unknown
When tomorrow starts without me, And I'm not there to see; If the sun should rise and find your eyes All filled with tears for me; I wish so much you wouldn't cry The way you did today, While thinking of the many things, We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me, As much as I love you, And each time that you think of me, I know you'll miss me too; But when tomorrow starts without me, Please try to understand, That an angel came and called my name, And took me by the hand, And said my place was ready, In heaven far above, And that I'd have to leave behind All those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away, A tear fell from my eye, For all my life, I'd always thought, I didn't want to die. I had so much to live for, So much yet to do, It seemed almost impossible, That I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays, The good ones and the bad, I thought of all the love we shared, And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday, Just even for awhile, I'd say good-bye and kiss you And maybe see you smile. But then I fully realized, That this could never be, For emptiness and memories, Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things, I might miss come tomorrow, I thought of you, and when i did, My heart was filled with sorrow. But when I walked through heaven's gates, I felt so much at home. When God looked down and smiled at me, From His great golden throne, He said "This is eternity, And all I've promised you." Today for life on earth is past, But here it starts anew. I promise no tomorrow, But today will always last, And since each day's the same way There's no longing for the past.
But you have been so faithful, So trusting and so true in My Son. Though there were times you did some things, You knew you shouldn't do. But you have been forgiven And now at last you're free. So won't you take my hand And share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts without me, Don't think we're far apart, For every time you think of me, I'm right here, in your heart.
Only one life 'twill soon be past. Only what's done for Christ will last. For me to live is Christ and to die is gain!
[The Lord says,] "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." --Isaiah 41:10
===============
A policeman pulled a car driven by a UNC grad over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition. "What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.
"Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license," he answered.
"Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."
At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
===============
Depressed, Troubled, Worried??? Big Problems??? Want to talk with a LIVE trained counselor??? Want to get REAL help??? (FREE - English/Spanish)
Until recently, soldiers coming home on leave from Iraq were flown into Germany, Baltimore/Washington International, Dallas/Fort Worth or Atlanta. Once they were at those airports, they had to pay the rest of their way to get home--a costly flight.
A Maryland congressman created Operation Hero Miles in response. It allowed civilians to donate frequent flier miles to be used by these soldiers. The success of the program and pressure from American citizens forced the Pentagon to change its policy and pay for everything.
But your miles are still needed. The miles are used to pay for tickets for soldiers returning home on emergency leave. They are also used to fly families of wounded soldiers to U.S. military hospitals.
You can find out more information and how to donate your miles here.
http://www.heromiles.org/
{Double click on the web address above for additional information:}
The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
No male can possibly know all the rules.
If the female suspects the male knows the rules she must immediately change some or all of the rules.
The female is never wrong. !!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If the female is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
The male must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.
The female may change her mind at any time.
The male must never change his mind without the express written consent of the female.
The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants him to be angry and/or upset.
The female must, under no circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry and/or upset.
The male is expected to mind read at all times.
The female is ready when she is ready.
The male must be ready at all times
===============
OBSCURE AND UNUSUAL WORDS *************************
1) drawcansir draw-CAN-suhr (noun) : a blustering, bragging bully.
From the name of a character in the play The Rehearsal (1671) by George Villiers (1628-1687), 2nd Duke of Buckingham. The character was apparently named for his potvaliant tendencies: Draw can (of liquor). The play was a satire on poet John Dryden's inflated tragedies and The character Drawcansir was modeled as a parody of Almanzor in Dryden's Conquest of Granada. Dryden in turn lampooned Villiers in a passage in his poem Absalom and Achitophel (1681)
"The arrogant nephew and his two drawcansir uncles appeared ..." Washington Irving; The Widow's Tale; Defiance Democrat (Ohio); Oct 13, 1855.
2) cadogan kuh-DUG-uhn (noun) : a lidless teapot, inspired by Chinese wine pots, that is filled from the bottom.
After William Cadogan, 1st Earl of Cadogan (1675-1726), who was said to be the first Englishman to own such a pot.
"Among the Twining teapots is a Matlocks Cadogan from Yorkshire. It was filled through a hole in the bottom and emptied right side up." Jim Weaver; The Twining Teapot Collection; Antiques & Collecting Magazine (Chicago, Illinois); Apr 2003.
===============
What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck? - A duck filled fatty puss!
===============
"You may have encountered the writings of St. Augustine if you have ever taken a class in philosophy, theology, literature, or rhetoric. If you asked a group of scholars to name those who have been most influential in Western thought, Augustine's name would inevitably make the short list. Augustine served as bishop of Hippo (located in present day Algeria), participated in some of the most crucial theological debates the church has ever known, and wrote prolifically.
In spite of all his accomplishments, his autobiography, Confessions, quickly undeceives the reader who may suspect that he walked with his head in the clouds. Augustine was as human as they come, and throughout his life he struggled with his flesh. In his early adolescence he famously prayed, "Grant me chastity and continence, but not yet." (1) He was a young man with the world at his fingertips. He was a student of rhetoric who, in his own words, aspired to "honors, money [and] marriage." He became enamored with a succession of different philosophies. In each new philosophy (as in each new mistress) he sought the key to the happiness for which his heart yearned. Yet he writes to God, "In those ambitions I suffered the bitterest difficulties; that was by your mercy—so much the greater in that you gave me the less occasion to find sweet pleasure in what was not you." (2)
Augustine had long been aware of his sin. As a teenager, he and his friends had stolen an armload of pears from their neighbor's pear tree. The pears were not tasty and the boys were not hungry. Augustine knew in his heart that he did it for the sheer pleasure of stealing. As Augustine matured and discovered again and again the emptiness of all that the world had to offer (be it wisdom or sensuality), the burden of his guilt weighed upon him. Augustine, who had become a professor of rhetoric and stood poised to launch a political career, began paying attention to the sermons of Bishop Ambrose of Milan. Ambrose helped Augustine resolve any intellectual reservations he had about the Christian faith. But still, Augustine struggled with his flesh, unwilling to surrender his passions to God.
In his conversion narrative, Augustine writes, "The tumult of my heart took me out into the garden where no one could interfere with the burning struggle with myself in which I was engaged….I threw myself down somehow under a certain fig tree, and let my tears flow freely." (3) As he cried out to God, he heard the voice of a young child chanting "Tolle lege, tolle lege," which in Latin means "pick up and read." He did not know what game the child was playing or what they meant by this phrase, but writes, "I interpreted it solely as a divine command to me to open the book and read the first chapter I might find." (4) He had been reading the book of Romans, and when he opened it, the words he read were "Not in riots and drunken parties, not in eroticism and indecencies, not in strife and rivalry, but put on the Lord Jesus Christ and make no provision for the flesh in its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14). From that moment on, Augustine committed himself to resisting his own lusts in pursuit of God.
Augustine's writings deal with so many themes it seems impossible to choose just one to highlight. In the Confessions, however, the theme of the soul and its delights stands out. Because he had for so long served so many idols, Augustine realized that his pursuit of pleasure needed to be completely overhauled. In understanding Augustine, it is vital to understand that he did not cease pursuing pleasure. He did not become a joyless prude or a self-righteous ascetic. He became one who realized that lasting joy can only be found in God, and it is the duty of our whole life to seek our joy in Him. The moment under the fig tree was not the end of his search for pleasure; it was the beginning. On the first page of his Confessions, Augustine sums up the story of his life, saying to God: "You have made us for yourself, and our hearts are restless until they rest in thee." Betsy Childs
(1) Augustine, Confessions, Book VIII,17. (2) Ibid., Book VI, 9. (3) Ibid., Book VIII, 19-28. (4) Ibid., Book VIII, 29.
To subscribe, send blank e-mail with the subject 'Subscribe': slice-subscribe@lists.gospelcom.net