This Blog -
Moved To:
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Take the best medicine of all for what ails you -- laughter:
"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."
--Arnold Glasow
"Laughter is by definition healthy."
--Doris Lessing
"If somebody makes me laugh, I'm his slave for life."
--Bette Midler
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter."
--Mark Twain
"What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul."
-- Yiddish Proverb
"Laughter is an instant vacation."
-- Milton Berle
"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."
-- Victor Borge

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NOTICE: The jokes published in this list were either submitted
directly to 'Thought & Humor' or are, we believe, in the public
domain. If you think that we have published a joke without
giving proper credit to its author/owner, please let us know
and we will provide appropriate credit in a future mailing.




RIDDLE ANSWERS:
1) There is no word in the English language that rhymes with them.
2) Honey, spices, pistachio nuts and almonds.
3) Eye
4)a. Who prayed for a drought?
Elijah (See James 5:17,18)

b. Who prayed for a drink of water?
Samson (See Judges 15:18,19)

c. Who prayed for a son?
Hannah (See I Samuel 1:10,11)

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The "E-Mail Newspaper" containing 'Thought & Humor' is sent out FREE via e-mail w/o ads. This
information was sent to you because you or a friend may have requested, if not, accept our apologies
and you will be deleted from our data base after you advise Howdy. 'Thought & Humor' is one small
attempt to obey "The Great Commission". First published in the last century (July 26, 1997).
Soli Deo Gloria...
________________________ "E-Mail Newspaper (Free4u)" _____________________
References gleaned for great humor & information: Merry Heart, Thomas S. Elworth, Funny List,
MeMail, Daily Dose, Joke of the Day, Kim Komando, Buffalos3, MIKEY'S FUNNIES , The Daily Tease,
FreeFoto.com, humorcartoons@arcamax.com & MSKitty. Thought & Humor' respects your privacy
and wishes to honor your desires to not receive e-mail from us if that's your choice, and we apologize
if any message causes any inconvenience to you or your computer. We have never given any reader's
e-mail addresses to a third party & have no plans to do such unless the price is right:o)
(Liberals please note - that was humor) The E-Mail Newspaper is sent to you with love.
The first farmer had 7 while the other had 5.


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Four important things to KNOW:

1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist,
Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Methodist, etc.)
have sinned & fall short of the glory of God.

2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal separation
from God, & damnation) but the Gift (Free & at No Charge to you) of
God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in
union with) Jesus Christ (God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah,
Prince of Peace & Savior).

3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world (Americans, Muslims,
Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist,
Brazilians, Methodist, etc.) that He even gave up His only begotten (unique)
Son, that whosoever (anyone, anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes
(trust in, relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall have eternal
(everlasting) life (heaven).

4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE. No one (male/female
- American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian,
European, Baptist, Brazilian, Methodist, etc. ) comes (arrives) to the Father
(with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through) ME (no other name).

This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - -
(Rev. 3:20)

{Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good things, etc. are
not requirements for becoming a Christian however they are great afterwards!!!}

Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction
(Hell, damnation, eternal punishment), and many enter through it. But small
is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness,
forever with God), and only a few find it. --Matthew 7:13-14
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Official 'Thought & Humor' Authorization:

[Jesus said,] "All authority in heaven and on earth has been
given to Me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations,
baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of
the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have
commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very
end of the age." --Matthew 28:18-20
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Please note: If you see a UNC student or a liberal reading 'Thought & Humor', please
explain to them which is thought & which is humor. They always get it backwards.......
===============

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed a
desire to become a "great" writer. When asked to define
"great" he said "I want to write stuff that the whole country
will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly
emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry,
wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!"

He now works for the I.R.S. writing forms & brochures.

===============

What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching,
with faith and love in Christ Jesus. Guard the good deposit
that was entrusted to you -- guard it with the help of the Holy
Spirit who lives in us. --2 Timothy 1
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I AM THANKFUL:
FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S HOT DOGS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.


FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.


FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.


FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED.



FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.


FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT



FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE



FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.


FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH..


FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION.


FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM WARM.


FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY BECAUSE IT MEANS
I CAN HEAR.



FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.



FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.



FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.


AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL

BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
FRIENDS and FAMILY WHO ARE THINKING OF ME.



Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart!
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But this know, that in the last days
difficult times shall be there; for
men shall be lovers of self, lovers
of money, boastful, arrogant, evil
speakers, disobedient to parents,
ungrateful, profane, without natural
affection, implacable, slanderers,
of unsubdued passions, savage,
having no love for what is good,
traitors, headlong, of vain pretensions,
lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.

The Bible
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While visiting England, Senator Ted Kennedy is invited to tea with
the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says
that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she
knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions,"
says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this
question: "Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this
child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Tony Blair responds,
"It's me, ma'am." "Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the
Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Senator?" "Yes ma'am.
Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put one of his
colleagues in the Senate to the test. He summons Barbara Boxer to his
office and says, "Senator Boxer, I wonder if you can answer a question
for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?" "Uhh, your mother has a
child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother
or your sister. Who is it?" Boxer hems and haws and finally asks,
"Can I think about it and get back to you?" Kennedy agrees, and
Boxer leaves. Senator Boxer immediately calls a meeting of several
other senior senators of the same political persuasion, and they puzzle
over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an
answer.

Finally, in desperation, Boxer calls Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton,
the smartest woman in the world, and explains her problem. "Now
look here, Senator, your mother has a child, and your father has a
child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Clinton answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you idiot."

Much relieved, Boxer telephones Senator Kennedy and exclaims,
"I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Hillary Rodham Clinton!"

And Kennedy replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Tony Blair."
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A UNC grad and her husband are laying in bed watching TV,
an old western is on. The husband says to his wife, "I bet you
breakfast in bed that the covered wagon hits a rock and the
driver falls out dead,"

"You're on," returned his wife. They watch the western and sure
enough the wagon hits a rock in the dirt road and the driver falls
out of the wagon ... dead. The wife gets out of bed and returns
shortly with a tray of food.

After eating the husband says, "I have to admit that I saw this
movie before."

She in turn confesses, "I saw the movie before too. But I didn't
think he was stupid enough to ride over the same rock twice...."
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