*-Your metabolism changes so that you can lose weight eating chocolate. *-You realize that your kid's report card was really a bad dream. *-Your computer actually crashes when the technician is there. *-You bought Amazon.com 2 years ago -- and sold it high. *-Steven Speilberg calls your boss looking for you. *-You haven't put on weight -- your clothes shrank. *-Your child calls from college just to say hi. *-The IRS loses your name.
Comment & Forward>>>
A UNC student was infatuated with a freshman, but was so timid he never had the courage to speak to her. In fact, he even told his therapist that every time he got near her he felt like he was unimportant. He said that he felt as insignificant as a tiny pebble.
"Well," his therapist responded, "If you want to get the girl you'll just have to be a little boulder!"
New Computer Virus Alerts
Titanic virus - Makes your whole computer go down.
Disney virus - Everything in the computer goes Goofy.
Saddam Hussein virus - Won't let you into any of your programs.
X-files virus - All your Icons start shape-shifting.
Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus - Searches for old files and deletes them.
Martha Stewart virus - Takes all your files, sorts them by category, and folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop.
Oprah Winfrey virus - Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus - Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
AT&T virus - Every three minutes it tells you what great service you're getting.
MCI virus - Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
A N.C. State Trooper pulls a car with a UNC decal over on a lonely back road and approaches the driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road"?
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."
"Thought & Humor" is now read in all 50 States, 230 Countries, 7 Continents, Oxford, Cambridge, every Ivy League School & all major American Universities including UNC!!!
Permission is hereby granted for you to change all humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought & Humor" and its subsidiaries related to the institution of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another of your choice from the list below:
1) UT 2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley 3) Any accredited high school or middle school 4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits 5) Environmental Whackos 6) Moderates & Liberals (Lo, they are one & the same) 7) All paying ACLU members & officers 8) Members of NOW whose weight exceeds 190 lbs. 9) Any and all persnickety individuals 10) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring to Duke, NCSU, Wake Forest, Vanderbilt, Miss. State or Villanova. ===============
*KIDS SITE: BIG COMFY COUCH GAMES http://www.bennysmart.com/cgi-bin/search.pl/stations Check out these fun games based on the Big Comfy Couch TV series. The games are educational and easy to play.
Islamic militancy has been trying to start an Islamic Jihad against western countries. This started since the bombing of the American Embassy in Beirut in 1983. Islamic fundemantalism believes that all Muslim nations must become one. Islamic militants whether Shiite or Sunni believe that if the Muslim world unites behind them in a war against Western civilizations they will win and bring back the glorious days of Islam. When asked what are the glorious days of Islam, their answer " the days of Prophet Muhammad" Islam as a religion has offered no peace for its own people. In the last 1500 years more Muslims have died on the hands of Muslims than anyone else. Muslims are tired of Islam and that is why we see many of them moving to the west and seeking moderation in their Islam.
Loving someone does not mean you agree with him or her all the time. It does not mean you accept the terrorist's methods and disregard their behavior. Biblical love means you will offer them the best you have which is to know and experience Jesus Christ the savior. The Love of Christ compels us to pray for their repentance and salvation through Christ before the coming of the great Judgment Day. Next ourresponse is to love all people regardless of their religious background.
Not every Arab is a Muslim, and not all Muslims are Arab. There are many Arab Christians and the church is spreading in many Muslim nations. (Fouad Masri)
"...but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." --Injeel (John 4:14)
Listen with RealAudio! http://www.gospelcom.net/rhm/sounds/awwy/awwy4025.ram
A friend of mine and his son love to take off backpacking along a beautiful river near their house. And they've learned some interesting "tricks of the trade" to make sure they have clean water to drink without the weight of having to carry water with them all the time. They take iodine pills with them on their hikes. Now apparently, they can collect some water from the river, dissolve iodine in it, and the water comes out clean. But then who would want to drink it? Iodine-flavored water isn't exactly the taste sensation that's sweeping the nation. But that's where the Kool-Aid comes in. They mix in some Kool-Aid. It actually makes that bitter water sweet, they tell me!
When God's people were navigating the wilderness in the Old Testament, well, of course, Kool-Aid hadn't been invented yet. But they did have a bitter water situation - and a miracle that changed everything. The story is in Exodus 15, beginning with verse 22 - it's actually our word for today from the Word of God.
Here's what it says. "For three days they traveled in the desert without finding water. When they came to Marah, they could not drink its water because it was bitter ... So the people grumbled against Moses, saying, 'What are we to drink?' Then Moses cried out to the Lord, and the Lord showed him a piece of wood He threw into the water, and the water became sweet." Amazing. God miraculously changes what was bitter into something sweet. You know, He's still doing that miracle today. With bitter people. Bitter feelings. Bitter situations.
And that might be exactly what you need to be praying for right now. Actually, "crying out to the Lord for," as Moses did. That's not just a casual, trite little prayer. That's a desperate cry to God for something so hard that only He can do it. Right now, you may be thinking of someone in your personal world who is bitter. There's resentment, sarcasm, cynicism, anger, maybe unforgiveness. The good news is that God is the world's leading Heart Surgeon - He can change a heart in ways that no human could ever dream. But you need to be faithfully, fervently praying for God to do whatever it takes to change the heart of that bitter person. Especially if that bitter person is you.
The Bible makes it clear that you "miss the grace of God" when you let a "bitter root" grow in you. And your bitterness will, according to God, "cause trouble and defile many." (Hebrews 12:15) But maybe your bitter pond isn't a person - it's a situation you're in right now. God has the power to sweeten a bitter situation, as well as a bitter person.
But God may have a "piece of wood" He wants you to throw into the bitter waters. Maybe it's that apology you need to give ... a letter you need to write ... some forgiving you need to do ... a healing step you need to take. As you pray about the bitter, ask God if there's a step He wants you to take in bringing about that sweetening miracle.
Don't underestimate the power of Almighty God to sweeten what you thought would always be bitter. If you'll trust and you'll obey - trust God to change things and obey His orders to make it happen. With a God as powerful and loving as ours, no bitter pond has to stay bitter. Not when God does His miracle of making bitter things sweet. ---------------------------------------------------------------------
To find out how you can begin a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, please visit YOURS FOR LIFE: HOW TO HAVE LIFE'S MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP at: http://www.gospelcom.net/cgi-bin/bounce?b=871 Or, call 1-888-NEED HIM.