Mrs. Duke U. Grad, Mrs. Wolfpack grad and Mrs. UNC* grad were chatting over coffee. Said Mrs. UNC, "I've been experiencing a strange and painful side effect from coffee. I'm fine when I drink it black, but if I use cream, or sugar, or both, I get a stabbing pain in one eye." Mrs. UNC took a sip of her coffee. "Owwwww!" she cried. "There it goes again!" Said Mrs. Wolfpack, "Dear... take the spoon out of the cup."
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*Permission is hereby granted for you to change all humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought & Humor' and its subsidiaries related to the institution of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another of your choice from the list below:
1) French university students 2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley 3) Any accredited high school or middle school 4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits 5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops 6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring to NCSU, JSU, MSU, USC, UGA, or FSU. 7) It is against international law to transmute any jocoseness found in this newspaper to any school if their mascot is the Wolfpack. If attempts are made, your computer will automatically notify the FBI, CIA, and the KGB and you will be charged with... "performing an illegal operation".
Nicholas Kristof must be a very smart man -- but a very slow learner. A columnist for The New York Times, Kristof is a Harvard graduate and was a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford University. But when it comes to something as significant as the nature of Christianity, Kristof and his columns are dumb and dumber. MORE: http://xrl.us/eg6p
ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM SHOPPING
1. Get it now. Tomorrow it might be gone. 2. If it's on sale, you need it. 3. Never ask your mother her opinion. 4. You can always take it back. 5. You'll grow into it. 6. By the time you need it, you'll lose ten pounds. 7. Never believe anyone who says, "It's really you". 8. $$$ 9. Know when to yell, "Charge!" 10. So many malls, so little time. 11. If you put it on your credit card, it's not really spending money. 12. Always try to spend someone else's money first. 13. There's no such thing as compulsive shopping, just enthusiastic shopping. 14. Shopping is patriotic. It's good for the economy. 15. If you've still got checks, there must be money in the account. 16. You can always get more credit. 17. If you want it, you deserve it.