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Friday

 

For Sale






A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she
spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand-lettered "For Sale"
sign out front.

After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled
occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and
cupboards, testing faucets and pointing out where a "new light fixture
here and a little paint there" would help. Pleased with her
assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her
the listing.

"Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement tips and
all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says, "HORSE for sale."





Comments:
Permission is hereby granted for you to change all
humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought &
Humor" and its subsidiaries related to the institution
of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another
of your choice from the list below:

1) UT
2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley
3) Any accredited high school or middle school
4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits
5) Environmental Whackos
6) Moderates & Liberals (Lo, they are one & the same)
7) All paying ACLU members & officers
8) Members of NOW whose weight exceeds 190 lbs.
9) Any and all persnickety individuals
10) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring
to Duke, NCSU, Wake Forest, Villanova, Miss. State or Villanova.

===============

One of the most endearing traits of children is their utter trust that their
parents will provide them with all of life's necessities, meaning food,
shelter, and a weekend at a theme park.

A theme park is a sort of ARTIFICIAL vacation, a place where you can enjoy
all your favorite pastimes at once, such as motion sickness and heat exhaustion.

Adult tolerance for theme parks peaks at about an hour, which is how long it
takes to walk from the parking lot to the front gate. You fork over an
obscene amount of money to gain entrance to a theme park, though it costs
nothing to leave (which is odd, because once you've been inside the walls
for a while, you'd pay anything to escape).

The two main activities in a theme park are (a) standing in line, and (b)
sweating. The sun reflects off the concrete with a fiendish lack of
mercy--you're about to learn the boiling point of tennis shoes. Your hair
is sunburned, and when a small child in front of you gestures with her hand
she smacks you in the face with her cotton candy; now it feels like your
cheeks are covered with carnivorous sand.

The ride your children have selected for you is a corkscrewing,
stomach-compressing roller coaster built by the same folks who manufactured
the baggage delivery system at the Denver International Airport. Apparently
the theme of this particular park is "Nausea." You sit down and are
strapped in so tightly you can feel your shoulders grinding against your pelvis.

Once the ride begins you are thrown about with such violence it reminds you
of your teenager's driving. When the ride is over your children want to get
something to eat, but first the ride attendants have to pry your fingers off
of the safety bar. "Open your eyes, please, sir," they keep shouting.

They finally convince you to let go, though it seems a bit discourteous of
them to have used pepper spray. Staggering, you follow your children to the
Hot Dog Palace for some breakfast.

Food at a theme park is so expensive it would be cheaper to just eat your
own money. Your son's meal costs a day's pay and consists of items
manufactured of corn syrup, which is sugar, sucrose, which is sugar,
fructose, which is sugar, and sugar, which is sugar. He also consumes large
quantities of what in dog food would be called "meat by-products." When,
after another couple of rides, he announces that he feels like he is going
to throw up, you're very alarmed--having seen his meal once, you're in no
mood to see it again.

With the exception of that first pummeling, you manage to stay off the rides
all day, explaining to your children that it isn't good for you when your
internal organs are forcibly rearranged. Now, though, they coax you back in
line, promising a ride that doesn't twist, doesn't hang you upside down like
a bat, doesn't cause your brain to flop around inside your skull--it just
goes up and then comes back down. That's it, Dad, no big deal.

What they don't tell you is HOW it comes back down. You're strapped into a
seat and pulled gently up into acrophobia, the city falling away from you.
Okay, not so bad, and in the conversation you're having with God you explain
that you're thankful for the wonderful view but you really would like to get
down now.

And that's just how you descend: NOW. Without warning, you plummet to the
ground in an uncontrolled free fall. You must be moving faster than the
speed of sound because when you open your mouth, nothing comes out. Your
life passes before your eyes, and your one regret is that you will not have
an opportunity to punish your children for bringing you to this hellish place.

Brakes cut in and you slam to a stop. You gingerly touch your face to
confirm it has fallen off. "Wasn't that fun, dad?" your kids ask. "Why are
you kissing the ground?"

At the end of the day, you let your teenager drive home. (After the theme
park, you are impervious to fear.)
W. Bruce Cameron
[ www.wbrucecameron.com ]

===============




C.S. Lewis, in one little episode from his book The Silver Chair
illustrates God’s invitation and our resistance. Aslan, the lion is
representative of Christ and Jill one of us.

This is the first time they meet. Listen:

When Jill stopped, she found she was dreadfully thirsty… She listened
carefully and felt almost sure she heard the sound of running water.
Jill…looked around her very carefully. There was no sign of the Lion; so
she plucked up her courage to… look for that running water.
…she came to an open glade and saw the stream, bright as glass… [A]lthough
the sight of the water made her feel ten times thirstier than before, she
didn’t rush forward and drink. She stood still as if she had been turned
into a stone, with her mouth wide open. And she had a very good reason:
just this side of the stream lay the Lion…
“Are you not thirsty?” said the Lion.
“I’m dying of thirst,” said Jill.
“Then drink,” said the Lion.
“May I—could I—would you mind going away while I do?” said Jill.
The Lion answered this only by a look and a very low growl. And as Jill
gazed at its motionless bulk, she realized that she might as well have
asked the whole mountain to move aside for her convenience.
The delicious rippling noise of the stream was driving her nearly frantic.
“Will you promise not to—do anything to me, if I do come?” said Jill.
“I make no promise,” said the Lion.
Jill was so thirsty now that, without noticing it, she had come a step
nearer.
“Do you eat girls?” she said.
“I have swallowed up girls and boys, women and men, kings and emperors,
cities and realms,” said the Lion.
“I daren’t come and drink,” said Jill.
“Then you will die of thirst,” said the Lion.
“Oh dear!” said Jill, coming another step nearer. “I suppose I must go and
look for another stream then.”
“There is no other stream,” said the Lion.

What a powerful illustration this is. We thirst for God. Christ invites
us to come and be filled by Him. Yet, fearful of the risk we turn away
from Him, still thirsty.

GK Chesterton said it well: Faith and love are apt to be spasmodic in the
best of minds. Men and women live on the brink of mysteries and harmonies
into which they never enter and with their hand on the doorlatch they die
outside. Ravi Zacharias
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Is Jesus God?

Statement Of What Howdy Believes!!!

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Music That Howdy Enjoys



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Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring

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A Taste Of Honey - clip

(I Left My Heart) In San Francisco - clip

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Hello, Dolly! - clip

Peggy Sue - clip

Theme From Peter Gunn - clip

Song from Moulin Rouge

Malagueña

Ebb Tide

Tara's Theme from Gone with the Wind

Around the World in 80 Days

Breakfast at Tiffany's

Charade

The Way We Were

You Do Something to Me

SWonderful

Adios

A Foggy Day

Amor

Anna

Arrivederci Roma

Theme from Moulin Rouge II

Stardust - Big Band

Bolero

Brazil

Rhapsody in Blue

Sleepy Lagoon

My Foolish Heart

Lisbon Antigua

La Mer

April in Portugal

Because of You

Poor People of Paris

Unchained Melody

Stranger on the Shore

Solace

Maple Leaf Rag

Voices of Spring

Radetzky March

Water Music (Excerpt) George Frideric Handel

Finale - William Tell Overture

Overture - My Fair Lady

The Rain in Spain

The Lonely Bull - Herb Alpert

Tijuana Taxi - Herb Alpert

The Happy Whistler

So Rare

Mona Lisa

Ghost Riders in the Sky

Walk, Don't Run

Wonderland by Night

Canadian Sunset

Blue Tango

The Happy Wanderer

Down Yonder

Midnight in Moscow

Crazy Medley

Tequila

That's for Me

Quiet Village

Harbor Lights

Dueling Banjoes II

Autumn Leaves

My Foolish Heart

Don't Know Much

I WALK THE LINE

EL PASO

TENNESSEE WALTZ

STAND BY YOUR MAN

Close To You

Rainy Days & Mondays

Sing A Song

Yesterday Once More

We've Only Just Begun

Goodbye To Love

Only You

As Time Goes By

As Time Goes By II

As Time Goes By - Original

After Loving

San Francisco

Stranger In Paradise

Mrs. Howdy

Rags To Riches

The Good Life

Hello Dolly

All Of Me

Thank Heaven For Little Girls

Beyond The Sea

Everybody Loves

Return To Me

That's Amore

Autumn Leaves

Love Me With All Your Heart

If I Give My Heart To You

Autumn Leaves II

Autumn Leaves III

See The USA

My Prayer

You Always Hurt

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

Love Me Tender

Its Now Or Never

Old Shep

Dont Be Cruel

When I Fall In Love

When I Fall In Love II

When I Fall In Love III

A Fool Such As I

You'll Never Know

Fascination

I'm Yours

Wish You Were Here

Lady Of Spain

CanadianSunset

It's Magic

Secret Love

This Magic Moment

My Prayer

Twilight Time

Great Pretender

Harbor Lights

Little Darlin'

Wanted

No Other Love

Magic Moments

Till The End Of Time

Dont Let The Stars

Overture - Barber of Seville

Back In The Saddle

You Always Hurt

When I Fall

When A Man

True Love

Sincerely

Sweetheart

In The Mood

A Taste Of Honey

The Lonely Bull

Lollipops And Roses

This Guys In Love With You

What Now My Love

Three Coins In The Fountain

You've Gotta Have Heart

HeartOfMyHeart

Stranger In Paradise II

Love Is...

Unforgettable

Georgia On My Mind

Sentimental Over You

Thanks For The Memories

Too Young

Because

Never On Sunday

Yellow Rose Of Texas

Windy

My Little Corner

Speak Low

Moments To Remember

HernandosHideaway

Be My Love

Embassy Waltz

Misty

A Certain Smile

Chances Are

Not For Me To Say

Stranger On The Shore

I'll Be Seeing You

Cherry Pink

Downtown

Moonlight Serenade

Last Date

Naughty Lady

Til I Kissed You

All I Have To Do Is Dream

Dixie Land Band

Ghost Riders In The Sky

The Happy Wanderer

Lollipops

Santa Catalina

Band Of Gold

Auld Lang Syne

The Wayward Wind

P.S. I Love You

Harbor Lights

Ebb Tide

Lime Light

Green Door

My Heart Cries

Down Yonder

Silvana Mangano Anna

Does Your Chewing Gum?

Grand Night For Singing

Purple People Eater

Orange Blossom Special

I'll Get By

'Til Then

Katie At UNC

Love Letters

As Time Goes By

Cheek To Cheek

Mission Impossible

The Way You Look Tonight

Frenesi

Glad To Be An American

Battle Hymn Of The Republic

How Great Thou Art

Have Thine Own Way

Beyond The Sunset

Amazing Grace

He's Got The Whole World

Peace In The Valley

How Great Thou Art II

Stars & Stripes Forever

Tennessee Waltz

Beverly Hillbillies Theme

El Paso

Happy Trails

Big John

Sixteen Tons

Which Doctor?

Wonderful! Wonderful!

Misty

Gina

Colombo

Daniel Boone

Davy Crockett

Dick VanDyke

Donna Reed

Father Knows Best

Gilligan

Gomer Pile

Gunsmoke

Have Gun

Hawaii Five-O

Hogans Heroes

Do.Not.Forsake.Me

MyPrayer

Hopalong

Howdy

Lucy

Lassie

Law & Order

Lone Ranger

Magnificent 7

Magnum

Man From Uncle

Dobie

Maverick

Mickey

Mission I

Mr. Ed

My 3 Sons

Raw Hide

Real McCoys

Rifle Man

Secret Agent

Simon & Simon

Smothers

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StarTrek

Super Man

ThatGirl

Tonight

T-Zone

Untouchable

WagonTrain

Walton

WildWest

77

Ozzie

Andy

Beverly

Bonanza

Car.5.4

Victory I

NKC-Perfidia

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Mr. Sandman

Only The Lonely

Beyond The Sea

Pachelbel

Magnificent 7

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Rawhide

I Walk The Line




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* * * Four Important Things To KNOW: #1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned & fall short of the glory of God. #2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ (God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of Peace & Savior of the World). #3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone, anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in, relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven). #4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE. No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist, Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives) to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through) ME (no other name). *** This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - - (Rev. 3:20) {Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian - however they are great afterwards!!!} *** Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment), and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness, forever with God), and only a few find it.


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P U R P O S E
But these are written so that you may
believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the
Son of God, and that by believing in
Him you will have life. Jn 20:31

Seek the Lord while He may be found;
call on Him while He is near. Let the
wicked forsake his way and the evil
man his thoughts. Let him turn to the
Lord, and He will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for He will freely
pardon. "For My thoughts are not
your thoughts, neither are your ways
My ways," declares the Lord. "As the
heavens are higher than the earth, so
are My ways higher than your ways
and My thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow come down
from heaven, and do not return to it
without watering the earth and making
it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed
for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is My word that goes out from My
mouth: It will not return to Me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire and
achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy and be led forth
in peace; the mountains and hills will
burst into song before you, and all the
trees of the field will clap their hands.
Instead of the thornbush will grow the
pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle
will grow. This will be for the Lord's
renown, for an everlasting sign, which
will not be destroyed." Is 55

O Lord, you have searched me and you
know me. You know when I sit and when
I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying
down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know
it completely, O Lord. You hem me in -
behind and before; you have laid your
hand upon me. Such knowledge is too
wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where
can I flee from your presence? If I go up
to the heavens, you are there; if I make
my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide
me and the light become night around
me," even the darkness will not be dark
to you; the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you. For you
created my inmost being; you knit me
together in my mother's womb. I praise
you because I am fearfully and wonderfully
made; your works are wonderful, I know
that full well. My frame was not hidden
from you when I was made in the secret
place. When I was woven together in the
depths of the earth, your eyes saw my
unformed body. All the days ordained
for me were written in your book before
one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts,
O God! How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would
outnumber the grains of sand. When
I awake, I am still with you. Search me,
O God, and know my heart; test me
and know my anxious thoughts. See
if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Ps 139

But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up,
that I may show My power in you, and that My
Name may be declared in all the earth. Ex 9:16


When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small:
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.
- - Isaac Watts


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