A UNC* professor was discussing the funeral of the last Pope with his class. One student asked how they chose the new Pope.
The teacher explained the process, finishing with, "So the Cardinals pick him."
A sophomore in the back of class, asked, very seriously, "Why would they let a baseball team pick the next Pope?"
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*Permission is hereby granted for you to change all humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought & Humor' and its subsidiaries related to the institution of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another of your choice from the list below:
1) French university students 2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley 3) Any accredited high school or middle school 4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits 5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops 6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring to NCSU, JSU, MSU, USC, UGA, or FSU. 7) It is against international law to transmute any jocoseness found in this newspaper to any school if their mascot is the Wolfpack. If attempts are made, your computer will automatically notify the FBI, CIA, and the KGB and you will be charged with... "performing an illegal operation".
Whether you enjoy backyard barbecues or backpacking, cycling or just sitting by the pool, summer means it's time to get outside. But nothing spoils the fun faster than one very tiny creature: the mosquito. Not only are mosquitoes a nuisance, leaving people peppered with itchy red welts and driving them indoors, but they can also carry diseases that pose a threat to your family's health. http://xrl.us/cvc5
Howdy says: "FORWARD TO FRIENDS & YOUR MAMA!" First Published In Last Century - July 26,1997 Thought For The OPEN Mind - Humor From American Culture
True faith requires that we believe everything God has said about Himself, but also that we believe everything He has said about us. Until we believe that we are as bad as God says we are, we can never believe that He will do for us what He says He will do.
Right here is where popular religion breaks down. It never quite accepts the severity of God or the depravity of man. It stresses the goodness of God and man's misfortune. Sin is a pardonable frailty and God is not too much concerned about it. He merely wants us to trust in His goodness.
To believe thus is to ground faith upon falsehood and build our eternal hope upon sand. No man has any right to pick and choose among revealed truths. God has spoken . . . .
Faith in faith is faith astray. To hope for heaven by means of such faith is to drive in the dark across a deep chasm on a bridge that doesn't quite reach the other side. ---A. W. Tozer http://xrl.us/cwxg
4 years old: My Mommy can do anything! 8 years old: My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot! 12 years old: My Mother doesn't really know quite everything. 14 years old: Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either. 16 years old: Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned. 18 years old: That old woman? She's way out of date! 25 years old: Well, she might know a little bit about it. 35 years old: Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion. 45 years old: Wonder what Mom would have thought about it? 65 years old: Wish I could talk it over with Mom.
"Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you. --Isaiah 46:4
God will not forget us when we're in trouble or when we are old. We may outlive our friends and be forgotten by those who know us, but God will never leave us or forsake us. He will sustain, carry, protect, and rescue us.
JESUS CHRIST - He is all things to all people
To the artist, He is the One Altogether Lovely!
To the architect, He is the Chief Cornerstone!
To the astronomer, He is the Bright and Morning Star!
To the baker, He is the Bread of Life!
To the banker, He is the Hidden Treasure!
To the biologist, He is the Life!
To the construction worker, He is the Sure Foundation!
To the carpenter, He is the Door to life!
To the doctor, He is the Great Physician!
To the editor, He is the Good Tidings of Great Joy!
To the educator, He is the Great Teacher!
To the engineer, He is the Builder of everything!
To the farmer, He is the Lord of the Harvest!
To the florist, He is the Lily of the Valley and the Rose of Sharon!
To the gardener, He is the True Vine!
To the geologist, He is the Rock of Ages!
To the jeweler, He is the Pearl of Great Price!
To the judge, He is the Righteous Judge!
To the juror, He is the True Witness!
To the laborer, He is the Giver of Rest!
To the printer, He is the Word!
To the rancher, He is the Good Shepherd!
To the servant, He is the Good Master!
To the student, He is the Incarnate Truth!
To the sinner, He is the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!
To the Christian, He is the Son of the Living God, our Savior, our Redeemer and Lord!
27/28 July 1976 Crew: Capt. Robert C. Heit and Maj. Larry A. Elliott Altitude in Horizontal Flight: 85,068.997 feet
27/28 July 1976 Crew: Capt. Eldon W. Joersz and Maj. George T. Morgan Speed Over a Straight Course: 2,193.167 mph
27/28 July 1976 Crew: Maj. Adolphus H. Bledsoe, Jr. and Maj. John T. Fuller Speed Over a Closed Circuit: 2,092.294 mph
1 September 1974 Crew: Maj. James V. Sullivan and Maj Noel F. Widdifield Speed Over a Recognized Course - New York to London Time: 1 hour 54 minutes 56.4 seconds Average Speed: 1,806.964 mph
13 September 1974 Crew: Capt. Harold B. Adams and Capt. William C. Machorek Speed Over a Recognized Course - London to Los Angeles (5,645 mi) Time: 3 hours 47 minutes 35.8 seconds Average Speed: 1,435.587 mph
6 March 1990 Crew: Lt. Col. Ed Yeilding and Lt. Col. Joseph T. Vida Speed Over a Recognized Course - Los Angeles to East Coast (Coast to Coast, 2,086 mi) Time: 1 hour 7 minutes 53.69 seconds Average Speed: 2,124.5 mph
6 March 1990 Crew: Lt. Col. Ed Yeilding and Lt. Col. Joseph T. Vida Speed Over a Recognized Course - Los Angeles to Washington D.C. (1,998 mi) Time: 1 hour 4 minutes 19.89 seconds Average Speed: 2,144.83 mph
6 March 1990 Crew: Lt. Col. Ed Yeilding and Lt. Col. Joseph T. Vida Speed Over a Recognized Course - St. Louis to Cincinnati (311.44 mi) Time: 8 minutes 31.97 seconds Average Speed: 2,189.94 mph
Please note: If you see a UNC student or liberal reading 'Thought & Humor', please explain to them which is thought & which is humor. They usually get it backwards.......
Our subtle senses of color and taste are the result of various combinations of a small number of "primary" senses. There are the sweet, sour, bitter, salty, and umami of taste, and the red, green, and blue of color. Are there "primary smells" too?
The sense of smell is far more complex than taste, but it too has primary senses. There are a lot more of them: several hundred, according to recent studies. Smell receptor cells come in many varieties, each of which responds to a small group of similar molecules.
When you smell the complex aroma of baking cookies or the subtle tang of seaweed decaying on the beach, your brain is recognizing a very complicated message composed of hundreds of distinct signals. Change just a few of those signals by a tiny amount, and you might realize that the cookies are beginning to burn. See info about the nose's Creator: PS 139:14.
How smell works: http://www.angelfire.com/ms/OzConnection/How.html
A school project on smell (for teachers and students): http://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/chems.html
Dear Howdy, Indeed I am a faithful Tarheel*, having both MA and Ph.D. from their fine chemistry department. But that doesn't keep me from getting a great kick out of the humor propagated by what appears to me to be a pack of wolves!!**
SERIOUSLY, THE HUMOR IS GREAT FUN BUT MY MAIN ATTRACTION WAS TO THE CONSERVATIVE MORAL AND POLITICAL STANCE THAT SEEMED TO CHARACTERIZE THE FIRST ISSUE I SAW. INCIDENTALLY (HE SAYS ACCIDENTALLY!), it was sent to me by a friend, so I really didn't "hear about you" at all, and still haven't. All I know is what has come in the two issues of the Newsletter I have seen. The best to you.