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...By Dr. Howdy

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UNC History Class

The image “” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.

A UNC* professor was discussing the funeral of
the last Pope with his class. One student asked
how they chose the new Pope.

The teacher explained the process, finishing with,
"So the Cardinals pick him."

A sophomore in the back of class, asked, very
seriously, "Why would they let a baseball team
pick the next Pope?"

*See "comments"

*Permission is hereby granted for you to change all
humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought
& Humor' and its subsidiaries related to the institution
of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another
of your choice from the list below:

1) French university students
2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley
3) Any accredited high school or middle school
4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits
5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops
6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring
7) It is against international law to transmute any jocoseness
found in this newspaper to any school if their mascot is the Wolfpack.
If attempts are made, your computer will automatically notify the
FBI, CIA, and the KGB and you will be charged with...
"performing an illegal operation".
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What did the leftovers say when they were put into the freezer?

Foiled again.

What machine scares the daylights into you?

An alarm clock.
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Q: How do you get a one-armed
UNC grad out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.
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Take a look at this site. It reminds us that really good food is
something to be treasured. You'll find recipes, articles and links
to online stores.
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Whether you enjoy backyard barbecues or backpacking, cycling or just
sitting by the pool, summer means it's time to get outside. But nothing
spoils the fun faster than one very tiny creature: the mosquito. Not only
are mosquitoes a nuisance, leaving people peppered with itchy red welts
and driving them indoors, but they can also carry diseases that pose a threat
to your family's health.
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First Published In Last Century - July 26,1997
Thought For The OPEN Mind - Humor From American Culture


True faith requires that we believe everything God has said about Himself,
but also that we believe everything He has said about us. Until we believe
that we are as bad as God says we are, we can never believe that He will do
for us what He says He will do.

Right here is where popular religion breaks down. It never quite accepts the
severity of God or the depravity of man. It stresses the goodness of God and
man's misfortune. Sin is a pardonable frailty and God is not too much
concerned about it. He merely wants us to trust in His goodness.

To believe thus is to ground faith upon falsehood and build our eternal hope
upon sand. No man has any right to pick and choose among revealed truths.
God has spoken . . . .

Faith in faith is faith astray. To hope for heaven by means of such faith is
to drive in the dark across a deep chasm on a bridge that doesn't quite
reach the other side. ---A. W. Tozer
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4 years old: My Mommy can do anything!
8 years old: My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 years old: My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.
14 years old: Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either.
16 years old: Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 years old: That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 years old: Well, she might know a little bit about it.
35 years old: Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.
45 years old: Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
65 years old: Wish I could talk it over with Mom.
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"Even to your old age and gray hairs, I am He, I am He who
will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will
sustain you and I will rescue you.
--Isaiah 46:4

God will not forget us when we're in trouble or when we are
old. We may outlive our friends and be forgotten by those who
know us, but God will never leave us or forsake us. He will
sustain, carry, protect, and rescue us.


He is all things to all people

To the artist, He is the One Altogether Lovely!

To the architect, He is the Chief Cornerstone!

To the astronomer, He is the Bright and Morning Star!

To the baker, He is the Bread of Life!

To the banker, He is the Hidden Treasure!

To the biologist, He is the Life!

To the construction worker, He is the Sure Foundation!

To the carpenter, He is the Door to life!

To the doctor, He is the Great Physician!

To the editor, He is the Good Tidings of Great Joy!

To the educator, He is the Great Teacher!

To the engineer, He is the Builder of everything!

To the farmer, He is the Lord of the Harvest!

To the florist, He is the Lily of the Valley and the Rose of Sharon!

To the gardener, He is the True Vine!

To the geologist, He is the Rock of Ages!

To the jeweler, He is the Pearl of Great Price!

To the judge, He is the Righteous Judge!

To the juror, He is the True Witness!

To the laborer, He is the Giver of Rest!

To the printer, He is the Word!

To the rancher, He is the Good Shepherd!

To the servant, He is the Good Master!

To the student, He is the Incarnate Truth!

To the sinner, He is the Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world!

To the Christian, He is the Son of the Living God, our Savior, our Redeemer
and Lord!
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The SR-71 - America's Fastest Airplane

27/28 July 1976
Crew: Capt. Robert C. Heit and Maj. Larry A. Elliott
Altitude in Horizontal Flight: 85,068.997 feet

27/28 July 1976
Crew: Capt. Eldon W. Joersz and Maj. George T. Morgan
Speed Over a Straight Course: 2,193.167 mph

27/28 July 1976
Crew: Maj. Adolphus H. Bledsoe, Jr. and Maj. John T. Fuller
Speed Over a Closed Circuit: 2,092.294 mph

1 September 1974
Crew: Maj. James V. Sullivan and Maj Noel F. Widdifield
Speed Over a Recognized Course - New York to London
Time: 1 hour 54 minutes 56.4 seconds
Average Speed: 1,806.964 mph

13 September 1974
Crew: Capt. Harold B. Adams and Capt. William C. Machorek
Speed Over a Recognized Course - London to Los Angeles (5,645 mi)
Time: 3 hours 47 minutes 35.8 seconds
Average Speed: 1,435.587 mph

6 March 1990
Crew: Lt. Col. Ed Yeilding and Lt. Col. Joseph T. Vida
Speed Over a Recognized Course - Los Angeles to East Coast (Coast to Coast, 2,086 mi)
Time: 1 hour 7 minutes 53.69 seconds
Average Speed: 2,124.5 mph

6 March 1990
Crew: Lt. Col. Ed Yeilding and Lt. Col. Joseph T. Vida
Speed Over a Recognized Course - Los Angeles to Washington D.C. (1,998 mi)
Time: 1 hour 4 minutes 19.89 seconds
Average Speed: 2,144.83 mph

6 March 1990
Crew: Lt. Col. Ed Yeilding and Lt. Col. Joseph T. Vida
Speed Over a Recognized Course - St. Louis to Cincinnati (311.44 mi)
Time: 8 minutes 31.97 seconds
Average Speed: 2,189.94 mph

Blackbird Trivia Exam:
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Please note: If you see a UNC student or liberal reading 'Thought & Humor',
please explain to them which is thought & which is humor. They usually get it backwards.......


Our subtle senses of color and taste are the result of various
combinations of a small number of "primary" senses. There are the
sweet, sour, bitter, salty, and umami of taste, and the red, green,
and blue of color. Are there "primary smells" too?

The sense of smell is far more complex than taste, but it too has
primary senses. There are a lot more of them: several hundred,
according to recent studies. Smell receptor cells come in many
varieties, each of which responds to a small group of similar molecules.

When you smell the complex aroma of baking cookies or the subtle tang
of seaweed decaying on the beach, your brain is recognizing a very
complicated message composed of hundreds of distinct signals. Change
just a few of those signals by a tiny amount, and you might realize
that the cookies are beginning to burn. See info about the nose's Creator:
PS 139:14.

How smell works:

A school project on smell (for teachers and students):
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Who is Jesus?

(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')


A UNC grad had always dreamed of owning his own cattle
ranch, and finally made enough money to buy himself the
spread of his dreams in Wyoming.

"So, what did you name the ranch?" asked his best friend
when he flew out to visit.

"We had a heck of a time," admitted the new cowboy.
"Couldn't agree on anything. We finally settled on the
Double R Lazy L Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch."

"Wow!" his friend was impressed. But looking around he
saw no cattle. "So... where are all the cows?"

"None of 'em survived the branding."
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1) foozle fooz'l (intransitive verb)
: to do something badly or clumsily, especially to
bungle a shot in golf

Mid-19th century. Origin uncertain: perhaps from German
dialect fuseln "to do bad work."

When he foozled his shot on the last hole, he knew his
game was over.

2) derringdo derring doo (noun)
: boldness, or acts of great daring (literary)

Late 16th century. Alteration of earlier dorring don
"daring to do," which was erroneously printed in 16th-
century editions of medieval works as derrynge do and
interpreted as a noun.

The derringdo he displayed when he ran into the burning
building to save the child earned him the respect of the
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Dear Howdy, Indeed I am a faithful Tarheel*, having both
MA and Ph.D. from their fine chemistry department.
But that doesn't keep me from getting a great kick out
of the humor propagated by what appears to me to be
a pack of wolves!!**

sent to me by a friend, so I really didn't "hear about
you" at all, and still haven't. All I know is what has
come in the two issues of the Newsletter I have
seen. The best to you.

S. P.

*Another name for UNC.
** UNC's archrival - NCSU.
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UNC freshman's History Exam Answer to the following question:
What is your understanding of recent history since World War II.

"Russia got Hungary, ate Turkey, slipped on Greece & broke China."
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After being laid off from five different jobs
in four months, my Uncle Joe was hired
by a warehouse.

One day he lost control of a forklift and
drove it off the loading dock.

Surveying the damage, the owner shook
his head and said he'd have to withhold
10 percent of Uncle Joe's wages to pay
for the repairs.

"How much will it cost?" asked my uncle.

"About $4,500," said the owner.

"What a relief!" exclaimed Uncle Joe.
"I've finally got job security!"
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An elder American absent mindedly arrived at French customs at Paris
airport and fumbled for his passport. "You have been to France before
Monsieur?", the customs officer asked sarcastically.

The ancient Yank admitted that he had been to France before.

"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready for
inspection", snapped the irate official.

The American said that the last time he came to France he did not have
to show his passport.

"Impossible, old man. You Americans always have to show your passports
on arrival in France."

The old American gave the Frenchman a long hard look.

"I assure you, young man, that when I came ashore on Omaha Beach in
Normandy on D Day in 1944, there was no Frenchman on the beach asking to
see my passport!"
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Poor People of Paris

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Maple Leaf Rag

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Water Music (Excerpt) George Frideric Handel

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My Foolish Heart

Don't Know Much





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As Time Goes By

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After Loving

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Mrs. Howdy

Rags To Riches

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Love Me With All Your Heart

If I Give My Heart To You

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You Always Hurt

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

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Its Now Or Never

Old Shep

Dont Be Cruel

When I Fall In Love

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A Fool Such As I

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I'm Yours

Wish You Were Here

Lady Of Spain


It's Magic

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My Prayer

Twilight Time

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No Other Love

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You Always Hurt

When I Fall

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The Lonely Bull

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You've Gotta Have Heart


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Love Is...


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Too Young


Never On Sunday

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My Little Corner

Speak Low

Moments To Remember


Be My Love

Embassy Waltz


A Certain Smile

Chances Are

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Stranger On The Shore

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Cherry Pink


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Last Date

Naughty Lady

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All I Have To Do Is Dream

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Ghost Riders In The Sky

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P.S. I Love You

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Does Your Chewing Gum?

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Glad To Be An American

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How Great Thou Art

Have Thine Own Way

Beyond The Sunset

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He's Got The Whole World

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* * * Four Important Things To KNOW: #1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned & fall short of the glory of God. #2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ (God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of Peace & Savior of the World). #3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone, anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in, relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven). #4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE. No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist, Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives) to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through) ME (no other name). *** This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - - (Rev. 3:20) {Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian - however they are great afterwards!!!} *** Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment), and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness, forever with God), and only a few find it.

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But these are written so that you may
believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the
Son of God, and that by believing in
Him you will have life. Jn 20:31

Seek the Lord while He may be found;
call on Him while He is near. Let the
wicked forsake his way and the evil
man his thoughts. Let him turn to the
Lord, and He will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for He will freely
pardon. "For My thoughts are not
your thoughts, neither are your ways
My ways," declares the Lord. "As the
heavens are higher than the earth, so
are My ways higher than your ways
and My thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow come down
from heaven, and do not return to it
without watering the earth and making
it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed
for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is My word that goes out from My
mouth: It will not return to Me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire and
achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy and be led forth
in peace; the mountains and hills will
burst into song before you, and all the
trees of the field will clap their hands.
Instead of the thornbush will grow the
pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle
will grow. This will be for the Lord's
renown, for an everlasting sign, which
will not be destroyed." Is 55

O Lord, you have searched me and you
know me. You know when I sit and when
I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying
down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know
it completely, O Lord. You hem me in -
behind and before; you have laid your
hand upon me. Such knowledge is too
wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where
can I flee from your presence? If I go up
to the heavens, you are there; if I make
my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide
me and the light become night around
me," even the darkness will not be dark
to you; the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you. For you
created my inmost being; you knit me
together in my mother's womb. I praise
you because I am fearfully and wonderfully
made; your works are wonderful, I know
that full well. My frame was not hidden
from you when I was made in the secret
place. When I was woven together in the
depths of the earth, your eyes saw my
unformed body. All the days ordained
for me were written in your book before
one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts,
O God! How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would
outnumber the grains of sand. When
I awake, I am still with you. Search me,
O God, and know my heart; test me
and know my anxious thoughts. See
if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Ps 139

But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up,
that I may show My power in you, and that My
Name may be declared in all the earth. Ex 9:16

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small:
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.
- - Isaac Watts

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