There was this fellow from UNC who had a flat tire. He pulled off on the side of the road, jumped out of his car, walked down the hillside and picked a bunch of wildflowers, and proceeded to put one bouquet of the flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tarr."
In response the passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?
The man responded, "When you break down the State of North Carolina tells you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it neither cause the tarr is still flat."
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RANDOM TIDBITS
The ancient Egyptians often named their children after animals-such as Gazelle, Monkey or Wolf.
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Olympic wrestling winners have been recorded since 708 B.C.
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Psycho was the first Hollywood film that showed a toilet flushing-thereby generating many complaints.
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Vampire and fruit bats can hear pitch as high as 210,000 hertz, ten times higher than humans. The dolphin's hearing is even more sensitive, with an acuity of 280,000 hertz.
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The FDA has concluded that frozen fruits and vegetables are just as healthy as fresh and may even retain their nutritional value longer.
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It was at a concert in Minneapolis in 1954 that Al Dvorin first closed Elvis's concerts with: "Ladies and Gentleman, Elvis has left the building. Thank you and good night."
TAKE 10 MINUTES & THINK http://games.yahoo.com/games/texttwist.html Here's a fun anagram game to make you think.
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Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age, and start bragging about it.
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On her deathbed an American author was said to have asked, "What's the answer?" Then after a long silence, "What is the question?" Whether seeking an absolute or holding that truth is an illusion, it seems a fitting place to start. What is the question?
The questions on the hearts and minds of the world at this point range from cynical and devious to desperate and heartfelt. Some genuinely seek answers while others are aimed more at testing the answerer. But this is nothing new.
Hearing of Solomon's great fame and of his relation to the name of the Lord, the Queen of Sheba planned a trip to Jerusalem, bringing with her royal entourage and kingly offerings all of the questions she wanted answered. Whether she was coming to the king known as the wisest man in the world to test him with riddles and mysteries, or to find hope and coherence in a confusing world is uncertain. But the book that reveals the sovereign rule of God through the lives of Israel's rulers says of the queen's interrogation: "Solomon answered all her questions; nothing was too hard for the king to explain" (1 Kings 10:3).
In a world that isn't sure what the questions are, much less that the answers can be something to hold on to, this is a significant scene to take in. Whether the queen had questions behind her questions or venom behind her questions, Solomon treated her inquiries as reverently as he treated the queen herself. And Scripture conveys, "she was overwhelmed," literally meaning, "there was no more wind in her" (10:5).
Most of us are not known for reputations of unflinching wisdom and alluring opulence like King Solomon. The questions that bombard Christianity and lives of faith are often asked with heated words and intimidating contexts. More often than not it seems we are the ones who are left overwhelmed. And yet the Apostle Peter instructs, "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect" (1 Peter 3:15).
The hand of God in Solomon's story is one we do well to remember. When Solomon first asked God for wisdom, he asked with a knowledge of God's greatness and an understanding of his desperate need for Him. "Give me an understanding mind" he prayed, "for who by himself is able to govern this great nation of yours?" Responding to the questions on the hearts of our world must grow out of our response to the heart of God.
Catching her breath, the queen said to Solomon: "Praise be to the LORD your God, who has delighted in you and placed you on the throne of Israel" (10:9). The queen saw in Solomon the greatness of his God. She saw that it was his God who put him exactly where he was in life and wisdom. And she saw in Solomon the evidence of God's love for Solomon himself and the people he ruled.
The LORD your God is who He says He is. By his Spirit, whether the questions of our world are known or unknown, voiced or unvoiced, we hold in Christ an answer for the hope that is within us. Jill Carattini
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Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
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"How to Be Sure You're a REAL Christian" 1-888-NEED-HIM
(24/7 - free call)
(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')
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Kids Site: Lite-Brite http://www.hasbro.com/litebrite/swf/litebrite.cfm Lite-Brite is one of those great toys nobody forgets! Create pictures using colored pegs. After you're done, print or e-mail your artwork!
{Double click on the web address above for additional information:}
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Many tender-minded Christians fear to sin against love by daring to inquire into anything that comes wearing the cloak of Christianity and breathing the name of Jesus. They dare not examine the credentials of the latest prophet to hit their town lest they be guilty of rejecting something which may be of God. . . .This is supposed to indicate a high degree of spirituality. But in sober fact it indicates no such thing. It may indeed be evidence of the absence of the Holy Spirit.
Gullibility is not synonymous with spirituality. Faith is not a mental habit leading its possessor to open his mouth and swallow everything that has about it the color of the supernatural. Faith keeps its heart open to whatever is of God, and rejects everything that is not of God, however wonderful it may be.
³Try the spirits² is a command of the Holy Spirit to the church (1 John 4:1). We may sin as certainly by approving the spurious as by rejecting the genuine. . . .To appraise things with a heart of love and then to act on the results is an obligation resting upon every Christian in the world.
OBSCURE AND UNUSUAL WORDS *************************
1) trumpery trumperee (noun) : something worthless or useless, often something showy that seems appealing at first glance (i.e. Kerry for Pres.)
Fifteenth century. From French tromperie "trickery," from tromper "to deceive," of unknown origin.
Although the jewels looked like trumpery from a distance, we realized when we got a closer look that it was just cheap imitation jewelry.
2) dulcify dulse fii (transitive verb) : to make something agreeable, especially to the senses (literary)
Late 16th century. From Latin dulcificare, literally, "to make sweet," from dulcis "sweet."
They dulcified the temperature in the room by turning on the air conditioning.
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Without geometry, life is pointless.
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These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true Witness, the ruler of God's creation. "Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with Me. --Revelation 3:14 & 20
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The bonds of matrimony are a good investment, only when the interest is kept up.
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Faith Belongs in Politics
“Faith belongs in politics,” writes Steven Waldman in an article for National Review Online entitled, “Religious, and Right.” Waldman is responding to Ron Reagan’s speech at the Democratic Convention in which Reagan complained that in the case of embryonic-stem-cell research, “the theology of the few” was dictating policy, an echo of John Kerry’s earlier statement when he explained how he could believe that life begins at conception but still be pro-choice. “I can’t take my Catholic belief, my article of faith, and legislate it on a Protestant or a Jew or an atheist,” Kerry said. What Kerry and Reagan and many others on the left and libertarian right contend is that it’s okay to have beliefs as long as one doesn’t “impose” that theology on others.2
First of all, it appears that those who use the word “impose” simply disagree with the belief of their opponent. As Waldman points out, “since most of these issues are decided democratically [in politics] it is by definition impossible to impose one’s religious views on someone else.” Furthermore, it’s impossible to impose one’s religious views any more than we impose any other kind of view. Anyone who is alive and thinking has principles they care about. And, presumably, the candidate who wins has the privilege of imposing his views on all those people who voted for the loser.3 Reagan would certainly impose his view about using fetuses for stem-cell research on anybody he could influence. Furthermore, that view is religious in nature since it’s foundationally about the value of life. One could suggest that Kerry’s supposed pro-life position is relatively meaningless since he would swing toward pro-choice, imposing that view (which one could suggest must really be his view) on a great many people who are genuinely, by conviction and practice, pro-life.
Let’s not be confused. Regardless of how the media represents these issues, the left has as strong a belief system as the right, one they rigorously want to impose on all who will listen. Faith is an inherent part of all of life, including politics, even if that faith is placed only in human beings and their social programs. Even the hatred of an opponent is a belief system.
Interestingly enough, however, as Waldman points out, the Founding Fathers thought religion was important to a functioning democracy because it would subdue passions and guarantee that people would listen to each other. In his farewell address, George Washington said, “Reason and experience both forbid us to expect that national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle.”
It is incumbent upon us as Christians to understand that what we believe is the center of our lives. We cannot be afraid of the accusation that we are imposing our beliefs; on the other hand, we must rise above the laziness of depending on our Christian identity and seek to persuade others wisely and articulately. Faith belongs in politics. Rosalie de Rosset
Two UNC girls were talking to each other and one couldn't help but notice how pretty and beautiful the others skin was. So she asked her outright what made her skin so soft and beautiful.
"Well.. once a week I fill a bathtub up with milk and just soak in it."
So the UNC student went to a farm and spoke to the farmer. "I'd like a lot of milk."
"How much?" asked the farmer.
"Well quite a lot because I'm going to soak in it."
He asked, "Pasturized?" "No...just up to my neck."
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GUYS AND SEX by Dr. J. Budziszewski
Some guys want to go too far with girls, if only they can rationalize it. Theo's not making it easy for them.
"Motorolus interruptus." (Hold on, I'm going into a tunnel.)
"Bodicus mutilatimus, unemploymi forevercus." (Better take the nose ring out before the job interview.)
"Nunc Tutus Exitus Computarus." (It's Now Safe To Turn Off Your Computer.)
"Tempo Waturim." (I drove my Ford off a bridge.)
"Litigata Ergo Sum." ("I sue, therefore I am." - John Edwards)
"Et tu, pluribus unum?" (The government just stabbed me in the back!)
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Howdy says: "FORWARD TO FRIENDS & YOUR MAMA!" First Published In Last Century - July 26,1997 Thought For The OPEN Mind - Humor From American Culture
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After a UNC grad moved from Chapel Hill to a city suburb, a fellow passenger on a train asked how he liked it in the country.
"It was difficult at first," the man replied, "but it's a lot better since I got myself a paramour."
The passenger was astonished. "A paramour?" he said. "Does your wife know?"
"Sure," said the UNC grad. "Why should she care how I cut the lawn."
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Making rounds one morning, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of UNC medical students.
"As you can see," he says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched.
Bernie, what would you do in a case like this?"
"Hmmnn...," ponders the student, "Yes... I suppose I'd limp too."
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A UNC grad was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a dumb college grad. Her friend tells her, "Do something to prove them wrong! Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?"
The UNC grad thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying.
The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb UNC grad comments to her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb UNC grad. In fact, I can name ALL the state capitals!"
The guy doesn't believe her, so she dares him to test her in front of everyone. He says "Okay, what's the Capital of Montana?"
The UNC grad tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"
One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near UNC. When he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place getting into his car. The driver placed the bucket of chicken on top of his car, got in and drove off with the bucket still on top of his car.
So the trooper decides to pull him over and perform a com- munity service by giving the driver his chicken. So he pulled him over, walked up to the car, pulled the bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver. The driver looks at the trooper and says, "No thanks, I just bought some."
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KIDS' SITE: ABC FUN & GAMES! http://www.literacycenter.net/lessonview_en.htm Learn ABCs, counting, shapes and colors at this interactive site.
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CAN WAR BE JUSTIFIED? by Prof J. Budziszewski
Christians through the centuries have had ideas on when war is right, when it's wrong, and what the rules are. Theo's teaching a refresher course.
Carl Switzer, better known to us all as the high-pitched crooner Alfalfa, died in 1959 at 31 from gunshot wounds after a heated dispute over $50.00.
Darla Hood, the female lead who played the sweet-tempered character of the same name, contracted hepatitis after a minor operation, passing on at age 47.
Norman Chaney, who played the lovable Chubby, died at the tender age of 22 after a gland operation caused his normal weight of 300+ pounds to plummet to a deadly 136.
William Robert Laughlin, the gravelly-voiced Froggy, succumbed after a motorcycle accident at age 16.
Robert Hutchins, whose character was Wheezer, was killed in a military airplane accident.
William Thomas, better known as Buckwheat, died prematurely at age 49 from a heart attack.
And lastly, even Petie the Pup, the Gang's beloved mascot, died tragically. He was poisoned.