YOU KNOW YOU'RE A JUNKEE WHEN... ------------------------------------
[] Strangers say your house is "interesting."
[] You send a search party into your basement -- and they never return.
[] You entertain dinner guests by showing them your old sock collection.
[] You'd like to change the channel -- but you can't find the pliers.
[] The Welcome Wagon comes and leaves you travel brochures.
[] You dust off the picture of the President proudly hanging in your library -- and it's Herbert Hoover!
[] You have to tear yourself away from those little piles of sample squares outside carpet shops.
[] You call an accumulation a collection.
[] The fortune on the scales says, "Come alone next time."
[] Throwing out an empty jar takes an enormous effort of the will.
[] You have stacks of plant pots in the garage with mice nesting in them.
[] Only YOU know what the tangled masses of rusted iron in the shed once were.
[] You win an all-expense-paid trip to Hollywood and a date with a star -- and you pick Sanford and Son.
[] You've still got your 1961 Student Activity card in your wallet -- right behind your Howdy Doody Club membership.
[] The cat has a pile of plates of his own.
[] You still have the aftershave your kids gave you last Christmas. And the one before. And the one before that. And you've kept the wrapping. And the ribbon.
[] You set your handbag down to write out a check and passersby chuck trash into it.
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THE SIX PHASES OF A PROJECT
1. Enthusiasm 2. Disillusionment 3. Panic 4. Search for the Guilty 5. Punishment of the Innocent 6. Praise and Honor for the Non-Participants
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"My stomach has been bothering me, Doctor," complained the UNC student.
"What have you been eating?" asked the doctor.
"That's easy. I only eat pool balls."
"Pool balls?!" said the astonished doctor. "Maybe that's the trouble. What kind do you eat?"
"All kinds," replied the student, "Red ones for breakfast, yellow and orange ones for lunch, blue ones for afternoon snacks, and purple and black for dinner."
"I see the problem," said the doctor. "You haven't been getting any greens!"