When picking out a pet, keep in mind that to a dog, you're family; to a cat, you're staff.
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Read what you have time for below & save the residuum for a stormy/ blustery/dilatory interval while the charming/exquisite/vernal/ aestival season is bursting out all over. Our goal is to promote a non- threatening and productive office & university environment and to establish language that is gender- neutral, ethnic-neutral, and age- neutral while celebrating our spirit of diversity.
"Can anyone stop the attack of the mutant artificial trees?" Probably not, but try playing this campy game anyway!
It's from the National Christmas Tree Association. The object is to chuck snowballs at fake trees as they pop out of cartons. Pelt your way through rounds to earn bragging rights on the worldwide scoreboard. Watch the Spirit Meter--hit an elf and your level of Christmas spirit will take a hit, too.
This game is simple enough for kids, yet still a blast for adults. http://downloads.kewlbox.com/games_online/realtrees.htm
Undoubtedly America’s fastest growing sensation online, 'Thought & Humor' has arrived after winding its way through the Internet’s highways and byways to your e-mail address. We welcome all our great readers to another unique blend of the jocular with provocative rumination for your weekly entertainment - usually platitudinous & bromidic but never nefarious, prurient, besmeared, or perfidious and delivered gratis to offices, homes & dorms ubiquitously....
A UNC* student was in court charged with parking in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense.
"They shouldn't put up such misleading notices," said the guy. "The sign said 'FINE FOR PARKING HERE'."
________ *UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill. Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including: B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., B.R.C. (Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898 for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.
At the window of my house I looked through my lattice. I saw among the inexperienced, I noticed among the youths, a young man lacking sense.
Crossing the street near her corner, he strolled down the road to her house at twilight, in the evening, in the dark of the night. A woman came to meet him, dressed like a prostitute, having a hidden agenda.
She is loud and defiant; her feet do not stay at home. Now in the street, now in the squares, she lurks at every corner. She grabs him and kisses him; she brazenly says to him,
"I've made fellowship offerings; today I've fulfilled my vows. So I came out to meet you, to search for you, and I've found you. I've spread coverings on my bed - richly colored linen from Egypt. I've perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let's drink deeply of lovemaking until morning. Let's feast on each other's love! My husband isn't home; he went on a long journey. He took a bag of money with him and will come home at the time of the full moon."
She seduces him with her persistent pleading; she lures with her flattering talk. He follows her impulsively like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer bounding toward a trap until an arrow pierces its liver, like a bird darting into a snare - he doesn't know it will cost him his life. - - Prov. 7
The Washington Post had a contest wherein participants were asked to tell the younger generation how much harder they had it "in the old days." Winners, runners-up, and honorable mentions are listed below.
In my day, we couldn't afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In winter, we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for traction.
In my day, we didn't have MTV or in-line skates, or any of that stuff. No, it was 45s and regular old metal-wheeled roller skates, and the 45s always skipped, so to get them to play right you'd weigh the needle down with something like quarters, which we never had because our allowances were way too small, so we'd use our skate keys instead and end up forgetting they were taped to the record player arm so that we couldn't adjust our skates, which didn't really matter because those crummy metal wheels would kill you if you hit a pebble anyway, and in those days roads had real pebbles on them, not like today.
And the winner:
In my day, we didn't have rocks. We had to go down to the creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads.
In my day, we didn't have fancy health-food restaurants. Every day we ate lots of easily recognizable animal parts, along with potatoes.
In my day, we didn't have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms.
Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a giant tortoise.
Back in my day, '60 Minutes' wasn't just a bunch of gray- haired, liberal 80-year-old guys. It was a bunch of gray- haired, liberal 60-year-old guys.
Back in my day, they hadn't invented electricity. We had to watch television by candlelight.
Three tourists climbed up the tower with London's Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground. The first tourist threw his watch but heard it crash before the had taken three steps. the second threw his watch and made only two steps before hearing his watch shatter. The third tourist threw his watch off the tower, went down the stairs, bought a snack at a shop up the street and walked slowly back to Big Ben in time to catch the watch." How did you do that?" asked one of his friends.
Athletes Behaving Badly What Happened to America's Olympians?
Every two years, America looks to its Olympic athletes for an unparalleled display of drive, sacrifice, team spirit, and patriotism. Unfortunately, this year, many of our country's best athletes provided us with a very different kind of display.
Drive and sacrifice? Much-hyped skier Bode Miller barely managed to step out of the local bars long enough to participate in his events. Not surprising, then, that he didn't win a single medal.
Team spirit? Speedskaters Chad Hedrick and Shani Davis provided a whole new twist on that concept, with their very public bickering.
Patriotism? How about figure skater Johnny Weir attending practices in a jacket with the old Soviet Union logo on it? Weir downplayed the outfit, explaining, "I just admire Russian culture." Apparently, no one ever educated Weir on what the Soviet government did to Russian culture (and would have liked to have done to our own culture).
The list goes on: Aerialist Jaret Peterson was expelled from the Games for punching an acquaintance. Snowboarder Lindsey Jacobellis decided to show off on her way to the finish line, resulting in a fall that cost her the gold. Hockey player Mike Modano skipped his final team meeting after the U.S. team was eliminated, and then publicly blasted USA Hockey for forcing him to make his own travel arrangements.
It wasn't just about winning or losing gold medals either. Figure skater Sasha Cohen and mogul skier Toby Dawson didn't manage to win gold, but both were honored by the U.S. Olympic Committee for their fighting spirit and mature attitude. And there were plenty of other examples of inspiring behavior, like speedskater Joey Cheek's donating his entire winnings to refugees from the Sudan. But it seemed as if, for every feel-good story to come out of the Olympics, there were at least four or five that made us cringe.
True, it's not the first time an Olympic athlete has embarrassed himself and his country. But it's difficult to remember a time when so many of them were doing it all at the same time. The American media and the public were understandably disgusted with the behavior of some of our best and our brightest. As the Washington Post reported, "As a whole, the U.S. Olympic Committee learned that its athletes need some lessons in comportment and team play. . . . So many American athletes seemed consumed with their own self-fulfillment."
Self-fulfillment . That certainly rings a bell. Isn't that the very same idea that so many American parents and teachers have been instilling in their kids from their earliest days? We have been telling them, in effect, that life is all about doing whatever will make them happy—go after their own desires, unmindful often of what happens to other people. This idea of exalting the self has so permeated our culture that now even some of our most disciplined and hardest-working citizens—our athletes—have fallen prey to it. The old Olympic ideals we once took for granted now seem like a foreign language to much of this generation.
America may have been left with a bad taste in its mouth as the Olympics ended. But maybe these athletes are just reflecting the values we have embraced. And if so, we have no one to blame for this sorry display but ourselves.