Three UNC* students were speeding down the highway at well over 90 mph. "Hey..." asked the one at the wheel, "Any cops following us?" The one in the backseat turned around and had a long look at the road behind them. "Yeah.......looks like it..." "Are his flashers on?" "Yup....nope....yup....nope....yup....nope....yup....."
*See "comments" for detailed explanation...
Comment & Forward>>>
*UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill. Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including: B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), N.U.T., A.P.E., B.S. B.R.C. (Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898 for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.
If you can start the day without caffeine... If you can get going without pep pills... If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains... If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles... If you can eat the same food everyday & be grateful for it... If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time... If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong... If you can take criticism and blame without resentment... If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him... If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend... If you can face the world without lies and deceit... If you can conquer tension without medical help... If you can relax without liquor... If you can sleep without the aid of drugs... If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics...
...then, my friend, you are almost as good as your dog.
=============== Due to the fact that America is now at war, all military personel may receive 'Thought & Humor' FREE. Send their e-mail address for their free subscription to: http://write-howdy.blogspot.com/
They're a perfect match. He's an auto mechanic and she drives everyone crazy.
*Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. --Matthew 7
"The Supreme Court itself begins each of its sessions with the phrase 'God save the United States and this honorable court,'" said White House spokesman Ari Fleischer. "The Declaration of Independence refers to God or to the Creator four different times. Congress begins each session of the Congress each day with a prayer, and of course our currency says, 'In God We Trust."
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(Red Skelton's Special Pledge of Allegiance - Original Airdate July 3, 1995)
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(Red Skelton's Special Pledge of Allegiance - Original Airdate July 3, 1995)
The Coast Guard received a mayday message from a group of UNC students on a July 4th boating holiday : "Help! We're in the water!"
"Capsize?" the radio operator asked.
After a long silence, the voice answered, "Six and seven-eighths."
How to tell if you are over the hill!
You no longer laugh at Preparation H commercials.
Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You think a C.D. is a certificate of deposit.
You have more than 2 pairs of glasses.
You listen attentively about other people's operations.
You no longer think there are way too many designated "Handicapped Only" parking spaces.
*Listen with RealAudio! http://www.gospelcom.net/rhm/sounds/awwy/awwy4027.ram
I'll confess. I can drive by the candy store. I can drive by the ice cream shop. I can pass up the pizza place - but it's very hard for me to not stop at the bakery. Yes, bakeries are my weakness. It's a good thing I don't work in one - I'd weigh 500 pounds. Now most bakeries have this discount stuff in a corner - it's the day-old baked goods. Oh it's cheaper, but there 's a reason. There's a big difference between day-old and fresh baked. That line at the bakery early in the morning; that is not for yesterday's goodies. Those folks are there to get the doughnuts or the bread that just came out of the oven.
Getting it fresh - that's not only a good idea at the bakery, but when it comes to picking up your provisions from heaven, too. God's got new resources for you each new day. Mercies that are "new every morning" according to the Bible. (Lamentations 3:23) The reason so many of us are spiritually up and down, lacking the power we need, the strength we need, constantly being overwhelmed by the day's events is that we aren't stopping at God's "bakery" each morning to pick up that day's "bread."
God gives us an enlightening picture of how to stay spiritually strong in our word for today from the Word of God. Exodus 16, beginning in verse 4, records God's delivery system for feeding His people as they wandered in the desert: "'I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day.' ... So Moses and Aaron said to all the Israelites ... 'In the morning you will see the glory of the Lord.'"
Through Moses, the Lord went on to command His people not to store any of His manna overnight. "However," the Bible says, "some of them paid no attention to Moses; they kept part of it until morning, but it was full of maggots and began to smell." That is day-old at its worst! But God's plan worked. The Bible says, "Each morning everyone gathered as much as he needed."
That's been God's plan ever since - that each of His children would gather each morning all the spiritual resources he or she needs for that day. Speaking of Himself, Jesus said, "The bread of God is He who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world." (John 6:33) Each day, we are to get a fresh helping of Jesus - His thinking, His perspective, His strength, His outlook. And that means consistent time with Him, through His love letter, the Bible, each new day.
You can't store up the resources to live the Christ-life anymore than the ancient Jews could store up manna. You can't let your personal Jesus-time be something that you do occasionally or when you feel like it or if you can fit Him in to your busy schedule. Make your daily time with Jesus Christ non-negotiable - everything else is going to have to revolve around your time with Him instead of what usually happens, your time with Him having to revolve around everything else.
If you'll anchor your day to a personal time with Jesus Christ, you will start to experience a realness, a closeness, a consistency, a victory in your relationship with Him that you've always wanted but maybe never had. You need to hear from heaven each day if you're going to live for heaven while you're on earth. And day-old or week-old stuff just won't cut it for this new day. You need what Jesus has prepared for you fresh each day! --------------------------------------------------------------------- Discuss today's "A Word With You," post your comments! http://forums.gospelcom.net/view/rhm/awwy
To find out how you can begin a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, please visit YOURS FOR LIFE: HOW TO HAVE LIFE'S MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP at: http://www.gospelcom.net/cgi-bin/bounce?b=871 Or, call 1-888-NEED HIM.
=============== Please note: If you see a UNC student or a liberal reading 'Thought & Humor', please explain to them which is thought & which is humor. They always get it backwards....... ===============
I'm such an awful gardener that they have a wanted poster of me at the nursery.
To ensure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport screeners will not be allowed to profile people. They will continue random searches of 80 year old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, secret service agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85 year old congressmen with metal hips and Medal Of Honor winning former Governors. Let's pause a moment and take the following test.
1. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics athletes were kidnapped & massacred by: (a) Olga Corbett (b) Sitting Bull (c) Arnold Schwartzeneger (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
2. In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by: (a) Lost Norwegians (b) Elvis (c) A tour bus full of 80 year old women (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
3. During the 190s, a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by: (a) John Dillinger (b) The King of Sweden (c) The Boy Scouts (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
4. In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by: (a) A Pizza delivery boy (b) Pee Wee Herman (c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
5. In 1985, the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard by: (a) The Smurfs (b) Davy Jones (c) The Little Mermaid (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
6. In 1985, TWA flight 847 was hijacked in Athens and a U.S. Navy diver was murdered by (a) Captain Kidd (b) Charles Lindburgh (c) Mother Teresa (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
7. In 1988, Pan Am flight 103 was bombed by: (a) Scooby Doo (b) The Tooth Fairy (c) Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid who had a few sticks of dynamite left over from the train job (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
8. In 1993, the World Trade Center was bombed by: (a) Richard Simmons (b) Grandma Moses (c) Michael Jordan (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
9. In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by: (a) Mr. Rogers (b) Hillary, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems (c) The WWF to promote its next villain: Mustapha the Merciless (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
10. On 9/11/01, 4 airliners were hijacked & destroyed & thousands of people were killed by: (a) Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck & Elmer Fudd (b) The Supreme Court of Florida (c) Mr. Bean (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
11. In 2002 the Unites States fought a war in Afghanistan against: (a) Enron (b) The Lutheran Church (c) The NFL (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
12. 1n 2002, reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by: (a) Bonny and Clyde (b) Captain kangaroo (c) Billy Graham (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40
Hmmmm. . . . nope, no patterns anywhere to justify profiling that I can see.
Thanks for telling who you can about us. It really makes a difference and helps me out a lot!
Warmly, Howdy :)
DEAD RINGER: A broken telephone. DENIAL: A river in Egypt. DERANGE: A place where de cowboys ride. DERMATOLOGIST: One who makes rash statements. DESK: A trash can with drawers. DETOUR: The roughest distance between two points. HOWLING SUCCESS: The baby that always gets picked up.
Most rocks found at the Earth's surface were formed within a few tens of kilometers of the surface. But in some places, there are "magma pipes" (vertical tubes of molten rock) where rocks that were formed much deeper are brought to the surface.
The rocks from the deepest known source are found on Malaita Island in the Solomon Islands northeast of Australia. Scientists there recently found diamonds and other kinds of crystals at the top of a magma pipe that could only be formed at pressures of 22 gigapascals (more than 217,000 times the air pressure at sea level). That pressure is only found at depths of 700 kilometers or more (435 miles).
According to the scientists, the rocks found in the magma pipe on Malaita were broken off and carried to the surface as the magma moved upward through the Earth's mantle. What an amazing Creator we have.
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This war will be won or lost on the battlefront at home—and right now the Democratic Party is a big part of the problem.” —David Horowitz
*************************************************************************************************** “We’re in a war. Something always goes wrong in a war, and our military leaders have made mistakes in Iraq. But quitting and leaving would amount to defeat for the U.S. in the global war on terrorism and create chaos. Quitters never win. Here’s the problem: America needs two strong, sound political parties. As far as domestic policy is concerned, it really doesn’t make much difference if Democrats or Republicans are in power. Ours is a free, entrepreneurial society where anyone can do anything he or she wants if they have a positive attitude and the desire to work, learn and achieve.
Ambitious people come from all over the world to take advantage of this tremendous opportunity. This is one reason our economy is so resilient, continually bouncing back from periodic setbacks, driven by new inventions and achievements.
However, when it comes to which party has proved more capable in acting to defend and protect Americans from foreign enemies, there is only one choice. From Johnson to Carter to Clinton, virtually all the defense policies and decisions made by Democratic administrations have been unsuccessful. And in many cases, they have unintentionally but materially increased the danger to our national security and the safety of all Americans.” —Investor’s Business Daily
How do you honor a man who started a groundbreaking movement that challenged the scientific establishment and is changing the way the world thinks about the origins of life?
Phillip Johnson's friends came up with a great way to answer that question. In honor of Phil's many accomplishments, they have commissioned and published a collection of essays, in a book titled Darwin's Nemesis. That's the perfect title, because that's exactly what Phil has become over the past fifteen years. This feisty Berkeley law professor became the unlikely spearhead of the intelligent design movement with the publication of his book Darwin on Trial, in which, from the perspective of a skilled lawyer, he examined and cross-examined Darwinism and found gaping holes. His legal and rhetorical training had convinced him that the Darwinists were acting like people with "something to hide." Indeed, they are.
His investigation showed him exactly what they were hiding. As geophysicist Stephen Meyer puts it, the best Darwinists can put forth is "a panoply of euphemism and wishful thinking masquerading as evidence." So Phil dared to start questioning what many believed to be unquestionable and to enlist many scientists to start questioning it as well. The rest, as they say, is history.
Through all the controversy—and just plain mud-slinging—that followed the publishing of Darwin on Trial, Phil has maintained his stance, continuing his lawyerly probing and careful research, and he has kept his good humor and graciousness. In these ways, he serves as a magnificent example to all of us involved in worldview teaching.
Just the list of authors who have contributed to Darwin's Nemesis shows the effectiveness of Phil's approach. It's full of essays by distinguished scientists and philosophers who support the intelligent design movement. And it even includes a couple of articles by critics of intelligent design, including philosophy professor and evolution advocate Michael Ruse—the kind of balance you'd like to see in classrooms. In the contentious debate that surrounds the intelligent design vs. evolution issue, getting the participation of someone like Ruse is a testimony to Phillip Johnson.
There's no doubt that Phil's willingness to encourage the work of scientists and help create a network for them has allowed the movement to flourish. This book really shows just how far the intelligent design (ID) movement has progressed in a relatively short time, despite the best efforts of many Darwinists to shoot it down—because, as is becoming clearer and clearer, ID has the evidence on its side.
But Darwin's Nemesis is far more than a tribute to one man—it's an insightful, enjoyable, highly readable explanation of the intelligent design movement as a whole. And as the passages I've quoted demonstrate, this is very much in keeping with Philip Johnson's practice of keeping the focus on the movement and the questions it is asking, not on himself. The paradox is that by doing this, he has shown how one informed and dedicated individual can literally shape the course of history—just one more lesson from Phil Johnson's work from which we all can benefit, and one more reason why he's one of my personal heroes.
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Who Knew Congressman Foley Was a Closeted Democrat?
At least liberals are finally exhibiting a moral compass about something. I am sure that they'd be equally outraged if Rep. Mark Foley were a Democrat.
The object lesson of Foley's inappropriate e-mails to male pages is that when a Republican congressman is caught in a sex scandal, he immediately resigns and crawls off into a hole in abject embarrassment. Democrats get snippy.
Foley didn't claim he was the victim of a "witch-hunt." He didn't whine that he was a put-upon "gay American." He didn't stay in Congress and haughtily rebuke his critics. He didn't run for re-election. He certainly didn't claim he was "saving the Constitution." (Although his recent discovery that he has a drinking problem has a certain Democratic ring to it.)
In 1983, Democratic congressman Gerry Studds was found to have sexually propositioned House pages and actually buggered a 17-year-old male page whom he took on a trip to Portugal. The 46-year-old Studds indignantly attacked those who criticized him for what he called a "mutually voluntary, private relationship between adults."
When the House censured Studds for his sex romp with a male page, Studds -- not one to be shy about presenting his backside to a large group of men -- defiantly turned his back on the House during the vote. He ran for re-election and was happily returned to office six more times by liberal Democratic voters in his Martha's Vineyard district. (They really liked his campaign slogan: "It's the outfit, stupid.")
Washington Post columnist Colman McCarthy referred to Studds' affair with a teenage page as "a brief consenting homosexual relationship" and denounced Studds' detractors for engaging in a "witch-hunt" against gays: "New England witch trials belong to the past, or so it is thought. This summer on Cape Cod, the reputation of Rep. Gerry Studds was burned at the stake by a large number of his constituents determined to torch the congressman for his private life."
Meanwhile, Foley is hiding in a hole someplace.
No one demanded to know why the Democratic speaker of the House, Thomas "Tip" O'Neill, took one full decade to figure out that Studds was propositioning male pages.
But now, the same Democrats who are incensed that Bush's National Security Agency was listening in on al-Qaida phone calls are incensed that Republicans were not reading a gay congressman's instant messages.
Let's run this past the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals: The suspect sent an inappropriately friendly e-mail to a teenager -- oh also, we think he's gay. Can we spy on his instant messages? On a scale of 1 to 10, what are the odds that any court in the nation would have said: YOU BET! Put a tail on that guy -- and a credit check, too!
When Republicans on the Senate Judiciary Committee found unprotected e-mails from the Democrats about their plan to oppose Miguel Estrada's judicial nomination because he was Hispanic, Democrats erupted in rage that their e-mails were being read. The Republican staffer responsible was forced to resign.
But Democrats are on their high horses because Republicans in the House did not immediately wiretap Foley's phones when they found out he was engaging in e-mail chitchat with a former page about what the kid wanted for his birthday.
The Democrats say the Republicans should have done all the things Democrats won't let us do to al Qaeda -- solely because Foley was rumored to be gay. Maybe we could get Democrats to support the NSA wiretapping program if we tell them the terrorists are gay.
On Fox News' "Hannity and Colmes" Monday night, Democrat Bob Beckel said a gay man should be kept away from male pages the same way Willie Sutton should have been kept away from banks. "If Willie Sutton is around some place where a bank is robbed," Beckel said, "then you're probably going to say, 'Willie, stay away from the robbery.'"
Hmmmm, let's search the memory bank. In July 2000, the New York Times "ethicist" Randy Cohen advised a reader that pulling her son out of the Cub Scouts because they exclude gay scoutmasters was "the ethical thing to do." The "ethicist" explained: "Just as one is honor bound to quit an organization that excludes African-Americans, so you should withdraw from scouting as long as it rejects homosexuals."
We need to get a rulebook from the Democrats:
-- Boy Scouts: As gay as you want to be.
-- Priests: No gays!
-- Democratic politicians: Proud gay Americans.
-- Republican politicians: Presumed guilty.
-- White House press corps: No gays, unless they hate Bush.
-- Active-duty U.S. military: As gay as possible.
-- Men who date Liza Minelli: Do I have to draw you a picture, Miss Thing?
This is the very definition of political opportunism. If Republicans had decided to spy on Foley for sending overly friendly e-mails to pages, Democrats would have been screaming about a Republican witch-hunt against gays. But if they don't, they're enabling a sexual predator.
Talk to us Monday. Either we'll be furious that Republicans violated the man's civil rights, or we'll be furious that they didn't.
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