Some years ago, my wife and I were at this couples party at church,
and they played a game that is sort of like that old TV show, "Let's
Make a Deal." Everybody brought some "white elephant" gifts -
something you really wanted to get rid of. Of course, all these
castaway gifts were nicely wrapped so no one knew what was
inside. Then one person has to go to the gift pile, pick one, and
they open it. From that point on, each person has a choice: take
one of those unopened treasures, or give one of those unopened
gifts in exchange for something that's already been opened -
something that you know you want. Now, at this particular party,
there was one particular object - this hand-carved lamp stand -
that everybody wanted. It was one of the few things of value.
And it didn't matter what lengths a person went to in order
to conceal that lamp stand, the next trader inevitably would
remember where it was and they'd go for it. Actually, the dealing
got very animated, and in fact, almost dangerous at times. Every -
body was up for grabs, except for one person - the woman who
had opened the first gift. See, she remembered the rules of the
game - that since the first person didn't get to make a trade,
they get to make the last trade of the game. Through all the
turmoil, she knew who was going home with that lamp stand!
MORE!!!
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married,
ReplyDeleteshe requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten
instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They
wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want
them to take me out when I'm dead."
"Sure, everyone always said 'Socrates what is the meaning of
ReplyDeletelife?' or 'Socrates how can I find happiness?', but did any-
one ever say 'Socrates hemlock is poison.'?!"
Letter From Our Archives:
ReplyDeleteHi Howdy!
First of all, I think that you jokes are very funny, but you need to ease up
on UNC. I'm sorry if you had personal issues with some of them, but it is
not very nice of you to try so hard to create a bad name for somebody with a
decent one. As a person that you represent yourself as, that is, as
somebody very religious, you yourself are doing something that our Father
wouldn't be too proud of, aren't you now?
Dear A.J., Don't you think it's O.K. to have a sense of humor & what better
target than a big University. Everyone makes fun of the opposing
team & it's all in good fun. We actually have a bunch of UNC readers!!!
And I think that it is wonderful that you are pro-life. But aren't you a
male? And if so, why not add something to your e-mails that would represent
most of women's outlooks on this issue, and then let your readers choose for
themselves, instead of feeling force to choose pro-life vs. pro-choice.
Why do you think that 'Howdy' is male? His/her identity has been carefully
hidden so that gender, age, marital status, economic level, etc. have been
carefully screened. That way - ideas can best be discussed without prejudice.
I might mention that you have irritated our female advisors by assuming
that a majority of ladies are not pro-life. Take a poll yourself & ask all
your female friends if they feel it's wrong to terminate the life of a baby
just because he/she hasn't been born yet? Ask if that 'MOM' will regret
each year for the rest of her life around the time that would have been
the child's birthday. Ask if they wonder whether the child might have
grown up to be a great blessing to them & all - perhaps discovering
a cure for AIDS or saving a tree from the evil gasp of a major
American corporation.
Thanks for adding this letter to your next group e-mail, and I hope that you
think about things deeper then how to gain as many people by "ripping" on
someone that doesn't deserve it, and maybe by even trying to sell yourself
as a religious one? I really hope that I didn't offend you, because that's
the last thing that I want to do. I am just curious and somewhat
disagreeing.
I'll bet you are the nicest person at Davidson & our humor is meant to be in
fun. I've never had even one UNC student/grad complain because they switch
the jokes around & use them on Duke & State students. You can do the same
with Queen's College (where my sister attended)...
Your friend,
Howdy
Thanks again!
AJ (Davidson College)
Joseph Smith, Jr., the acknowledged founder of Mormonism, engaged in many
ReplyDeleteunbiblical practices, something many Mormon apologists would deny. Mormon
historian D. Michael Quinn's 1987 book, "Early Mormonism and the Magic World
View," convincingly demonstrated that Smith's involvement with the occult
was undeniable. Quinn is a former professor at the Mormon Church-owned
Brigham Young University. He was excommunicated in 1993 on the charge of
apostasy. This charge was based on the evidence of his historical writings
exposing the "prophet." Instead of trying to deny Joseph Smith's repeated
involvement with occultic activities, Quinn presented the evidence, which
showed that Smith used seer stones, divining rods, amulets, incantations,
and participated in rituals to summon spirits--all practices forbidden in
the pages of Scripture. Quinn believes that Smith could reliably be called
a "first class" magician. In spite of everything, Quinn remains a faithful
Mormon and still believes that Mormonism's founder was a man of God who
used his magical skills and tools to communicate with the Almighty God of
this universe! Quinn says he "remains a DNA Mormon." (Quinn, "Early Mormonism
and the Magic World View," Signature Books; Revised edition, December 1998)