Crying her eyes out, the UNC* grad approached
the policeman and said that her dog, Fido, was lost.
The officer suggested that she put an ad in the paper.
The UNC grad replied, "Well, I thought of that,
but I decided against it."
"Why did you decide against it?" asked the officer.
"I remembered that my dear little Fido can't read,"
sniffed the UNC grad.
*Please see "comments" for additional & vital information!
*UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill.
ReplyDeleteSpecializing in a wide range of degree programs including:
B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), N.U.T., A.P.E., B.R.C.
(Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898
for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were
unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher
learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.
God designed humans to want to believe in something.
ReplyDeleteThat's the image of God that is in us. But as G. K.
Chesterton famously put it, when we reject the God
of the Bible, we don't believe in nothing; we believe
in everything -- including Little Green Men.
- - Chuck Colson
Dear Howdy,
Thank you for your simply addicting newsletter...it's truly a candidate
for the 8th wonder of the world and 1st candidate for the cyber-world...
it just keeps blooming with more of what I need and, I think, what we
all need...please keep up the great works!!!
Type atcha later...
God bless you,
Phil H
WI
Dear Howdy, Indeed I am a faithful Tarheel*, having both
MA and Ph.D. from their fine chemistry department.
But that doesn't keep me from getting a great kick out
of the humor propagated by what appears to me to be
a pack of wolves!!**
SERIOUSLY, THE HUMOR IS GREAT FUN BUT MY
MAIN ATTRACTION WAS TO THE CONSERVATIVE
MORAL AND POLITICAL STANCE THAT SEEMED
TO CHARACTERIZE THE FIRST ISSUE I SAW.
INCIDENTALLY (HE SAYS ACCIDENTALLY!), it was
sent to me by a friend, so I really didn't "hear about
you" at all, and still haven't. All I know is what has
come in the two issues of the Newsletter I have
seen. The best to you.
S. P.
*Another name for UNC.
** UNC's archrival - NCSU.
Recommended by Howdy for improving your life:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/evangelical_viewpoint/
http://www.ttb.org/
http://www.insight.org/
http://www.oneplace.com/Ministries/Turning_Point/
http://www.gty.org/
http://www.tonyevans.org/
{Double click this link or copy and paste this link into your Web Browser's address line
for more info - Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor' in any way - but should be}
===============
Board of Advisors for 'Thought & Humor':
Did you know that 'Thought & Humor' has a distinguished Board of Advisors
that are designed to be a cross section demographically of our readership as far
as age, location, gender, marital status, education & occupation are concerned???
Bill - 50's - FL - Computer Operator for 911 System, V.P. - Archives
Brenda - 50's - TX - University Administor, Married
Caroline - 20's - FL - Married, University Student
David - 50's - NJ - Businessman, Married
Doug - 50's - TN - President of 501(c)(3) Corp, Married
Ellen - 20's - NJ - University Student
Emily - 30's - TN - Banker, Married
Janet - 40's - MI - Married, Former Missionary to Arab Country
Jerry - 80's - CA - Retired Theology Professor, Lobbyist, Author
Jill - 50's - MN - Restaurant Owner, Married
Jim - 40's - NM - Businessman, Married
John - 50's - Peru - Pastor, Married
Katie - 20's - NC - Teacher, Married to UNC Med Student
Laura - 30's - NY - English Teacher
Lisa - 40's - TN - Secretary, Married
Marie - 60's - South Africa - Entrepreneur, Politician
Mamie - 20's - GA - Elementary Teacher
Milton - 19 - GA - College Student
Phil - 50's WI - Handicapped
Rob - 20's - NY - University Administor, Married
Ruth - 50's - CA - Real Estate, Involved in Spanish Ministry
Sarah - 20's - NC - UNC Student, Married
Shirl - 60's - CO - Finance Manager - Married to Minister
Steve - 40's - TX - Married, Computer Hardware Design
Wanda - 40's - Asia - Married - Communist Country
Advisory meetings are held weekly via the internet
and none receive monetary/pecuniary compensation
for their extensive/capacious/voluminous expertise.
===============
Bible - God's Word to you in different languages...
http://www.scriptures.com/
(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')
===============
"BreakPoint with Chuck Colson" is a daily commentary
on news and trends from a Christian perspective.
Heard on more than 1000 radio outlets nationwide,
BreakPoint transcripts are also available on the Internet.
BreakPoint is a production of The Wilberforce Forum,
a division of Prison Fellowship Ministries.
Chairman: Charles W. Colson
Dean: Nigel M. de S. Cameron, Ph.D.
Managing Editor: Jim Tonkowich, D.Min.
Senior Writer: Anne Morse
Associate Editor: Roberto Rivera
Associate Producer: Teresa Woodward
Wilberforce New Media Editor: Gina Dalfonzo
List Maintainer: Larry Wilson
As you read the Scriptures with your family, I hope
you'll have a new appreciation for who the "Word made
flesh" really is: He's the Creator who existed before time.
He's the Logos Who made heaven and earth, and Who
steers the stars in their courses. He is the Truth that is
ultimate reality. He is the 'Babe of Bethlehem & the
'Word' of John 1. If you know of others who would
enjoy receiving BreakPoint in their E-mail box each
day, tell them they can sign up 1-877-3-CALLBP
or http://www.breakpoint.org
(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')
===============
"I believe the Bible is the best gift God has ever given to man.
All the good from the Savior of the world is communicated to
us through this book." -- President Abraham Lincoln
"For we must consider that we shall be as a City upon a hill.
The eyes of all people are upon us. So that if we shall deal
falsely with our God in this work we have undertaken, and
so cause Him to withdraw his present help from us, we
shall be made a story and a byword throughout the world."
--John Winthrop, Governor of the Massachusetts Bay Colony, 1630
"It is impossible to rightly govern the world without God and
the Bible." - President George Washington
"The Bible is no mere book, but a Living Creature, with a
power that conquers all that oppose it." - Napoleon
"That Book accounts for the supremacy of England."
- Queen Victoria
"If there is anything in my thought or style to commend ,
the credit is due my parents for instilling in me an early
love of the Scriptures. If we abide by the principals taught
in the Bible, our country will go on prospering and to prosper;
but if we and our posterity neglect its instructions and authority,
no man can tell how sudden a catastrophe may overwhelm us and
bury all our glory in profound obscurity." - Daniel Webster (Founding Father)
"The Bible is worth all other books which have ever been printed."
- Patrick Henry (original member of the Continental Congress)
"The Bible is the anchor of our liberties." - President U.S. Grant
"It is impossible to enslave mentally or socially a Bible-reading people.
The principals of the Bible are the groundwork of human freedom."
- Horace Greeley (Editor)
"That Book is the rock on which our Republic rests." - President Andrew Jackson
"In all my perplexities and distresses, the Bible has never failed to give me
light and strength." - Gen. Robert E. Lee
"Bible reading is an education in itself." - Lord Tennyson (Poet)
"So great is my veneration for the Bible that the earlier my children begin
to read it the more confident will be my hope that they will prove useful
citizens of their country and respectable members of society. I have for
many years made it a practice to read through the Bible once every year."
- President John Quincy Adams
"The existence of the Bible, as a Book for the people, is the greatest
benefit which the human race has ever experienced. Every attempt to
belittle it is a crime against humanity." - Immanuel Kant (Philosopher)
"The New Testament is the very best Book that ever or ever will be
known in the world." - Charles Dickens (Author)
"All human discoveries seem to be made only for the purpose of
confirming more and more strongly the truths contained in the
Sacred Scriptures." - Sir William Herschel (Astronomer)
"There are more sure marks of authenticity in the Bible than in
any profane history." - Sir Isaac Newton (Scientist)
"Let mental culture go on advancing, let the natural sciences
progress in even greater extent and depth, and the human
mind widen itself as much as it desires; beyond the elevation
and moral culture of Christianity, as it shines forth in the Gospels,
it will not go." - Goethe (Author)
"I have known ninety-five of the world's great men in my time,
and of these eight-seven were followers of the Bible. The Bible
is stamped with a Specialty of Origin, and an immeasurable
distance separates it from all competitors."
- W.E. Gladstone (Prime Minister)
"Whatever merit there is in anything that I have written is simply
due to the fact that when I was a chile my mother daily read me
a part of the Bible and daily made me learn a part of it by heart."
- John Ruskin (art critic and social commentator)
"The Bible has been the Magna Charta of the poor and oppressed.
The human race is not in a position to dispense with it." - Thomas
Huxley (Author & Scientist)
"The whole hope of human progress is suspended on the ever
growing influence of the Bible." - W.H. Seward (Secretary of State)
"America was born a Christian nation. America was born
to exemplify that devotion to the elements of righteousness,
which are derived from the revelations of Holy Scriptures.
Part of the destiny of Americans lies in their daily perusal
of this great book of revelations. That if they would see
America free and pure they will make their own spirits
free and pure by this baptism of the Holy Spirit."
--President Woodrow Wilson
For Christians, the life and death of Jesus are the ultimate
expressions of love, and the supreme demonstrations of
God's mercy, faithfulness, and redemption. Since Christ's
miraculous Resurrection on Easter, more than 2,000 years
ago, Christians have expressed joy and gratitude for this
wondrous sacrifice and for God's promise of freedom for
the oppressed, healing for the brokenhearted, and salvation.
--President George W. Bush
"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this
great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians;
not on religions, but on the gospel of Jesus Christ. For this
very reason peoples of other faiths have been afforded asylum,
prosperity, and freedom of worship here."
--Patrick Henry (original member of the Continental Congress)
===============
Q: Why is 'Thought & Humor' so long?
A: All newspapers & magazines are long!
Q: What if I can't read all of it?
A: Delete it. Most folks don't read every word in every newspaper/magazine either?
Q: Am I required to memorize each article?
A: Nope! Delete what you don't have time for or save for another time.
Q: Is 'T & H' Spam?
A: No, it's made entirely of ham.
Q: Can I forward to friends & family?
A: Please do.
Q: How many people have had opportunity to read 'T & H' E-Mail Newspapers?
A: Well over 1 million + many forwards by you.
Q: Who is Howdy?
A: We let him think he's the boss...
Take the best medicine of all for what ails you -- laughter:
"A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon
without springs--jolted by every pebble in the road."
~Henry Ward Beecher
"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."
--Arnold Glasow
"Laughter is by definition healthy."
--Doris Lessing
"If somebody makes me laugh, I'm his slave for life."
--Bette Midler
"The human race has one really effective weapon,
and that is laughter."
--Mark Twain
"What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul."
-- Yiddish Proverb
"Laughter is an instant vacation."
-- Milton Berle
"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."
-- Victor Borge
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the
heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time
to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a
time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a
time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. (King Solomon)
NOTICE: The jokes published in this list were either submitted
directly to 'Thought & Humor' or are, we believe, in the public
domain. If you think that we have published a joke without
giving proper credit to its author/owner, please let us know
and we will provide appropriate credit in a future mailing.
===============
Four important things to KNOW:
1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus,
Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist,
Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned
& fall short of the glory of God.
2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal
separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at
no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is
Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ
(God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of
Peace & Savior of the World).
3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world
(Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist,
Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians,
Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up
His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone,
anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in,
relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall
have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven).
4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE.
No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic,
Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist,
Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives)
to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through)
ME (no other name).
This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - -
(Rev. 3:20)
{Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good
things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian -
however they are great afterwards!!!}
Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that
leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment),
and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow
the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness,
forever with God), and only a few find it. --Matthew 7:13-14
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The "E-Mail Newspaper" containing 'Thought & Humor'
is sent out FREE via e-mail w/o ads. This information
was sent to you because you made the request, 'Thought
& Humor' is one small attempt to obey "The Great* Com-
mission". First published in the last century (July 26, 1997).
Soli Deo Gloria...
________ "E-Mail Newspaper (Free4u)" _________
References gleaned for great humor & information: Merry Heart,
Thomas S. Elworth, Funny List, MeMail, Daily Dose, Joke of the Day,
Kim Komando, Shagmail, MIKEY'S FUNNIES , The Daily Tease,
Crosswalk.com, CLEAN LAFFS & Gophercentral.
Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.
'Thought & Humor' respects your privacy and wishes to honor
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and we apologize if any message causes any inconvenience
to you or your computer. We have never given any reader's
e-mail addresses to a third party & have no plans to do such
unless the price is right:o) (Liberals please note - that was
humor) The E-Mail Newspaper is sent to you with love.
But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up,
that I may show My power in you, and that My
Name may be declared in all the earth. Ex 9:16
- Old hardware engineers never die,
ReplyDeletethey just cache in their chips.
- Old farmers never die, they just
go to seed.
- Old deans never die, they just lose
their faculties.
.
ReplyDelete100 of our readers around 1:30 pm were:
% Num State/Region Country Name
9 North Carolina United States
7 Louisiana United States
7 Ohio United States
6 Washington United States
6 New Jersey United States
4 Texas United States
4 Wisconsin United States
4 Arizona United States
4 Colorado United States
4 Pennsylvania United States
4 New York United States
3 California United States
3 Michigan United States
2 Delaware United States
2 Alabama United States
2 Nicosia Cyprus
2 Tel Aviv Israel
2 Florida United States
2 Georgia United States
2 Oklahoma United States
1 Arkansas United States
Entering the Debate
ReplyDeleteThe Elections and Religious Freedom
October 17, 2006
With the election season is full swing, I'm going to ask you to forget for a moment all the mud-slinging and scandal-mongering that is raging across your television set, coming from both sides. Instead, consider the really serious weighty issues before the American people this fall: the war on terrorism, Iraq, the sanctity of life, the definition of marriage, immigration, and so much more. Some politicians are talking about these critical issues—more need to. We need to know where our candidates stand on these questions.
But as Mark Earley told you yesterday on "BreakPoint," there's another issue that Christians absolutely need to bring into the political discussion this election year: religious freedom—not only around the world, but also here at home.
Certainly the global outlook is grim. Just this past June, a pastor and members of the Full Gospel Church in the province of Than Hoa, Vietnam, were dragged outside by police and brutally beaten. Their only crime: gathering to worship Jesus. In Pakistan, a 7-year-old Christian girl was lured away from her home, raped, beaten, and left for dead in a ditch. She was targeted because of her faith. In China, Peter Xu Yongze, pastor of one of the largest underground Protestant churches there, was hung up across an iron gate during one of his five jail sentences. They then yanked open the gate, so that his chest nearly split in two.
As chilling as these reports are, even more chilling is the fact that the vast majority of religious persecution cases never make the news. While North Korea is in the headlines for testing a nuclear weapon, few Americans know that hundreds of thousands of Christians are penned up and tortured in grotesquely brutal North Korean concentration camps.
And lest we should think that Christians are the only ones subject to torture and death for their faith, consider the following cases:
Kurban Zakirov, a Jehovah's Witness in Turkmenistan, was injected with psychotropic drugs while he was imprisoned for his faith. Farzad Kasiri, a Baha'i in Iran, was flogged for his faith. And in Uzbekistan, thousands of Muslims are imprisoned, denied due process, and subjected to torture.
So, what does America and the upcoming elections have to do with all of this? Let me put it this way: To whom much is given, much is expected. From the very early days of our republic, Americans recognized the truth that freedom of religion is a God-given right, in fact, the most basic of human rights. And, as the leading world power, the United States is in a unique position to help curb religious persecution around the world. To remain silent about religious persecution would be to betray all that we stand for.
As Christians, we must speak out and bring the issue of religious persecution to the forefront of the political debate this fall. And we must press candidates to find out where they stand on this life-and-death issue.
And be sure to visit our website for more information and links to organizations that fight religious persecution.
Get links to further information on today's topic
For printer-friendly version, simply visit www.breakpoint.org and click on Today's Commentary. The printer-friendly link is on the left-hand column.
A man went to the store with his 3-year-old daughter in tow. Since he
ReplyDeletewas just there to grab some essentials like milk and bread, he opted to
save some time by not pushing a cart around the store.
"That's not the way Mommy does it," his daughter informed him.
"I know, dear, but Daddy's way is OK, too," he replied.
Leaving the store in the rain and without a cart, he carried the bag of
groceries, his daughter, and the milk quickly to the car. Not wanting to
set anything down on the wet ground, he set the jug of milk on top of
the car, efficiently whisked open the car door with his now free hand,
scooted the groceries in and set his daughter into the car seat in one
swift motion. Then he hopped in himself.
"That's not the way Mommy does it," his daughter informed him again.
"Honey, there's more than one way to do things," he replied patiently.
"Daddy's way is OK, too."
As they pulled out and headed down the street, he became aware of the
scraping sound on the roof as the jug of milk slid down the length of
the rooftop, bounced off the trunk of the car and splattered to the
ground, sending a froth of white milk in every direction.
In the millisecond he took to process his mistake, his young daughter
looked at him, and in a most serious voice said, "That's NOT the way
Mommy does it."
"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor told his anxious
ReplyDeletepatient; "You only have six months to live."
The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes.
Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician that he
had no medical insurance.
"I can't possibly pay you in that time."
"OK," the doctor said, "Let's make it a year then."