This Blog - Moved To: http://professor-howdy.blogspot.com/

We've Moved!!!

2007-12-13T13:11:00.000-05:00

In fact, we've moved to a new blog -
click on either picture for great
humor & thought:O)

An Arrest Made

2006-12-13T09:57:00.000-05:00

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The police recently busted a man selling
' secret formula' tablets he claimed gave
eternal youth. When going through their
files they noticed it was the fifth time he
was caught for commiting this same
criminal medical fraud.

He had earlier been arrested in 1794,
1856, 1928 and 1983...........

An Insult

2006-12-13T08:19:00.000-05:00

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Q: How do you insult an antique dealer?
A: Ask him "What's New?"

No Longer

2006-12-13T08:17:00.000-05:00

New UNC Computer

2006-12-13T08:16:00.000-05:00

Where's Howdy???

2006-12-13T08:15:00.000-05:00

For A Long Time

2006-12-13T08:11:00.000-05:00

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For as long as I can remember I've had amnesia.

Wednesday's Riddles

2006-12-13T08:03:00.000-05:00

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1) I always fall,
but I never get hurt.
I can bend over backwards,
but cannot break.
I arrive free of charge
but often leave for a fee.

What am I?

2) The more you take the more you leave behind.
What is it?

3) What is the four digit number,
no zeros, in which the first digit
is five times the last, the second
is four more than the first and three
times the third and the third is two
more than the last and two less than
the first.

4) I know a thousand faces,
and count the tailed heads,
feasting bright upon the eyes,
of many who have died.
wielding well a mighty power,
who hath but humble stature.
Masses fall upon their knees,
to scare behold my only side!

5) Can you decipher this famous saying?

That prudent avis which matutinally
deserts the coziness of its abode will
ensnare a vermiculate creature.

6) What has one leg,
but not two.
Never gets fat,
has 15 teeth,
but doesn't chew.
All green and no blue,
bugs don't like them but I do.
What are they?

7) Without a bridle, or a saddle,
across a thing I ride a-straddle.
And those I ride, by help of me,
though almost blind, are made to see.
What am I?

*Answers are located in "comments"
for your convenience & felicity.

THE DE-SEXING OF AMERICA

2006-12-13T07:49:00.000-05:00

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Men and women are different. There's no
getting around that fact. But when we try
to avoid it, and try we do, the outcome is
downright comical...

MORE!!!

Professor Howdy -(As A Child)

2006-12-13T07:47:00.000-05:00

Children Who Expect Too Much

2006-12-13T07:36:00.000-05:00

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My friend, Bill, was talking to me about his son's expectations.
He called them "microwave expectations." Bill was in his early
50s, and his son Ken had been married for about a year, and
his son wanted everything fast - like in a microwave. Bill said,
"I can't believe it. They want all this stuff immediately! They've
been married one year and they want a home, they want furniture,
and they want a new car. They want in a year what it took us
20 years to get!" That's not unusual - the child expects more
than the father had...

MORE!!!

LISTEN!!!

Christmas Moment

2006-12-13T07:30:00.000-05:00

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If you've lived long enough, odds are you've been
smooched against your will at Christmastime -
thanks to mistletoe. Mistletoe actually became
a big deal centuries ago when ancient people
noticed that even when everything around it
was dead or dying, it still blossomed and thrived.

*Please see "comments" for
additional pertinent information.

Images

2006-12-13T07:18:00.000-05:00

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Malcolm Muggeridge is remembered as one of the most
notable figures of the twentieth century. The wit and
style of this self-dubbed "fatally fluent" journalist made
him as endearing as he was controversial. His presence
was a decipherable entity in print, over the radio, and
on television. With over fifty years in the public eye,
Muggeridge knew well the effect of publicity on the
human ego. In the words of one biographer, he knew
well the strange metamorphosis that turns an individual
into an image...

MORE!!!

Merry Christmas Quiz

2006-12-12T14:02:00.000-05:00

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Want to test your Christmas knowledge?
Here is a quiz to test your knowledge of
Christmas traditions, popular culture,
the Bible, and other aspects of the holiday
with these simple questions. So put on
your thinking cap and take a tour. Enjoy
yourself! Quiz your friends!

1. In The Night Before Christmas I sprang from my bed to see what?
2. In the song "Grandma Got Run over by a Reindeer" what did
Grandma go to get?
3. What was the first gift my true love sent on the sixth day of
Christmas?
4. In what city did Miracle on 34th Street take place?
5. In It's a Wonderful Life, how did Clarence cleverly save
George's life?

6. Who kept time with the Little Drummer Boy?
7. In The Night Before Christmas, where were the stockings hung?
8. What is the name of the little girl in most versions of The
Nutcracker?
9. What is the last ghost called in A Christmas Carol?
10. What color is the Grinch?

*Answers are located in "comments"
for your convenience & felicity.

Howdy At Work (Left)

2006-12-12T10:27:00.000-05:00

New Employment

2006-12-12T10:20:00.000-05:00

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I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler.
On my very first call, I introduced myself, "Hello,
this is a telephone poll."

The man replied, "Yeeeah, and this is a street lamp!"

Speed Maniac

2006-12-12T10:07:00.000-05:00

Wasn't Me

2006-12-12T09:57:00.000-05:00

Early Winter Illusion

2006-12-12T09:55:00.000-05:00

Obscure & Unusual Words

2006-12-12T09:48:00.000-05:00

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1) fricative friketiv (adjective)
: made by forcing the breath through a narrow opening

Mid-19th century. From modern Latin fricativus, from
Latin fricare "to rub."

A frictive sound escaped her after she was given CPR to
revive her breathing.

2) nimbus NIM-bus (noun)
: (Fine Arts) A circle, or disk, or any indication of
radiant light around the heads of divinities, saints,
and sovereigns, upon medals, pictures, etc.; a halo.
: A cloud or atmosphere (as of romance or glamour)
that surrounds a person or thing.
: (Meteorology) A rain cloud.

Nimbus is from the Latin nimbus, "a rain cloud, a rain
storm."

"Sometimes when she stood in front of a lamp, the high-
lights on her hair made a nimbus."
--James Morgan, The Distance to the Moon

UNC Prof Rescue

2006-12-12T09:20:00.000-05:00

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The Coast Guard was called out to rescue a small sailboat in
trouble off the North Carolina Coast. The rescue boat called
the foundering vessel on the radio to get the its location:
"What is your position? Repeat, what is your position?"

And the reply came back, "My position? I'm Professor of
English at UNC*."

*Please see "comments" for
additional pertinent information.

Lady Or Birds?

2006-12-12T08:59:00.000-05:00

Knowing How It's Going To End

2006-12-12T08:53:00.000-05:00

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Some years ago, my wife and I were at this couples party at church,
and they played a game that is sort of like that old TV show, "Let's
Make a Deal." Everybody brought some "white elephant" gifts -
something you really wanted to get rid of. Of course, all these
castaway gifts were nicely wrapped so no one knew what was
inside. Then one person has to go to the gift pile, pick one, and
they open it. From that point on, each person has a choice: take
one of those unopened treasures, or give one of those unopened
gifts in exchange for something that's already been opened -
something that you know you want. Now, at this particular party,
there was one particular object - this hand-carved lamp stand -
that everybody wanted. It was one of the few things of value.
And it didn't matter what lengths a person went to in order
to conceal that lamp stand, the next trader inevitably would
remember where it was and they'd go for it. Actually, the dealing
got very animated, and in fact, almost dangerous at times. Every -
body was up for grabs, except for one person - the woman who
had opened the first gift. See, she remembered the rules of the
game - that since the first person didn't get to make a trade,
they get to make the last trade of the game. Through all the
turmoil, she knew who was going home with that lamp stand!

MORE!!!

Questioning Gabriel

2006-12-12T08:18:00.000-05:00

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The Gospel of Luke begins with two monumental appointments
between time and eternity. A messenger of the Lord appears
first to an aging man in the midst of his priestly duties, and later
to a young, peasant girl in the midst of anticipating the life ahead
of her. In each visit, like a gust of wind that turns an umbrella
inside out, the message delivered was the sort of news that moves
the lives of all who go near it, let alone the worlds of those who heard
it first. Both visits incite fear. Both invoke questions. But in the inter -
change of the eternal and the temporal, though the promises of God
are similarly moving, we find two very different human responses.

MORE!!!

Prof. Howdy On Left -At An Early Age

2006-12-12T07:00:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas Quiz

2006-12-11T17:45:00.000-05:00

Want to test your Christmas knowledge?

Here is a quiz to test your knowledge of
Christmas traditions, popular culture,
the Bible, and other aspects of the holiday
with these simple questions. So put on
your thinking cap and take a tour. Enjoy
yourself! Quiz your friends!

1. How many reindeer does Santa Have?
2. In Frosty the Snowman, who brought Frosty back to life?
3. Who lost $8,000 in It's a Wonderful Life?
4. In How the Grinch Stole Christmas, what biological
shortcoming made the Grinch so mean?
5. Who tells you she's in town by tap, tap, tappin' at your
windowpane?

6. What is the biggest selling Christmas single of all time?
7. What was Scrooge's first name?
8. What was the name of Rudolph's dogsled driving friend?
9. Who said "God Bless Us, Every One!"?
10. What carol contains the line "O tidings of comfort and joy"?

*Answers are located in "comments"
for your convenience & felicity.

New UNC Bride

2006-12-11T10:01:00.000-05:00

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Montague came home to his noble estate,
only to find his new bride sobbing at the bar.

"Penelope, what's wrong?" he asked, wiping
the tears from her eyes, gently.

"Oh, Montague darling, I wanted to surprise
you with a nice martini when you came in the
door," she gulped. "I started out by rinsing
the ice cubes in hot water, and now I can't
find them..."

UNC Hunting

2006-12-11T09:43:00.000-05:00

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The Game Warden stopped a UNC* grad deer hunter
and asked to see his hunting license.

"This is last year's license," the warden informed him.
"I know," said the UNC grad, "but I shouldn't need a new
license, I am only shooting at the deer I missed last year."

*Please see "comments" for
additional pertinent information.

UNC Co-Ed Skiing Class

2006-12-11T09:35:00.000-05:00

Pop Quiz

2006-12-11T09:27:00.000-05:00

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Choose the word that best completes the meaning of
the sentence. The answers are listed below - no cheating!

1. The three-year-old was _______ in his refusal to taste
the broccoli.

a. recondite
b. didactic
c. fortuitous
d. resolute
e. genteel

2. We _______ the fine print in the document but were
unable to find the clause the lawyer had mentioned.

a. scrutinized
b. reconciled
c. exculpated
d. cajoled
e. accrued

3. A state in which one can see, hear, feel, smell, and
taste little or nothing is known as _______ deprivation.

a. aggregate
b. subversive
c. sensory
d. sensual
e. sensuous

4. The children tried to be _______ about the fact that
their parents couldn't afford to give them Christmas pres-
ents, but you could tell that they were really quite
depressed inside.

a. tangential
b. abysmal
c. stoic
d. disingenuous
e. eclectic

5. We felt repeatedly _______ by the impersonal and inflex-
ible bureaucracy in our attempt to win an exemption to the
rule.

a. vindicated
b. stymied
c. deluged
d. reiterated
e. gesticulated

*Answers are located in "comments"
for your convenience & felicity.

Word Match Game

2006-12-11T08:49:00.000-05:00

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Match the words in the left-hand column
with the correct definition in the right-hand
column. The answers are located in "comments".

1. deign ............... A. A strong, offensive smell
2. malarkey ........ B. An act or instance of depriving
3. privation ......... C. A humorous person
4. grabble ........... D. Nonsense or rubbish
5. fetor ................ E. The interval between two reigns
6. oblation ........... F. A hermit
7. interregnum ... G. To scratch or search around with the hands
8. dreg ................ H. To think worthy
9. wag .................. I. The act of offering something
10. eremite ......... J. A small amount

New Flat Screen TV -UNC Style

2006-12-11T08:11:00.000-05:00

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*Please see below for additional pertinent information.

>

>

>

>

>

Great Mileage - one horse power!

2006-12-11T08:03:00.000-05:00

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..............................................Under development at UNC!!!

Do You Agree???

2006-12-11T07:54:00.000-05:00

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If you disagree - express your thoughts in "comments"
(All comments allowed unless they are not family friendly -
to those of you at UNC - that means no cussing:O)

Debt-Free

2006-12-11T07:06:00.000-05:00

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Our friend, Vicki, is one very happy woman. For many years now,
she has carried a heavy load of nagging credit card debt. If you've
ever been in debt for a while, you know how it always weighs you
down like this heavy burden on your back. Well, Vicki recently
came into some money through an inheritance, and you know
what she did with it! She had a party - a check writing party!
All those debts are paid, and you can tell she feels like she just
got out of prison!

MORE!!!

LISTEN!!!

A Christmas True or False Quiz

2006-12-09T12:55:00.000-05:00

Can you separate fact from fiction in the Christmas story?
Test your knowledge by answering "T" or "F" to each
statement. "T" would indicate that the fact can be found
in Holy Scripture. "F" would indicate that the fact is not
be found in the Bible.

1) There are no records of Joseph speaking in the Christmas story.

2) The wise men were three kings from the orient.

3) The little drummer boy came to the manger after the other shepherds.

4) The star did not appear above the manger.

5) Jesus' ancestors include a prostitute, an adulterer, a woman who
committed incest, and a non-Israelite.

6) The angel Gabriel appeared to Mary first and then he appeared to Joseph.

7) Mary rode a donkey from Nazareth to Bethlehem.

8) Joseph and Mary went to Bethlehem because of a decree by Caesar Augustus.

9) The wise men followed the star as it moved from their eastern land to
Israel.

10) The wise men did not arrive on the night of Jesus' birth.

11) God sent a choir of chubby angels to announce Jesus' birth to the
shepherds.

12) Shepherding was considered a very noble occupation.

13) Both Joseph and Mary were told that the baby was to be named "Jesus."

14) When Herod heard about Jesus he was the only one concerned about
this new king.

15) The wise men found Jesus lying in a manger in the town of Bethlehem.

16) After the angels announcement the shepherds went straight to Bethlehem
to see Jesus.

17) Joseph married Mary immediately after the angel appeared to him.

18) Some of the shepherds doubted and refused to believe the message t
hey heard from the angels.

*Answers are located in "comments"
for your convenience & felicity.

Hubble Space Telescope Pictures

2006-12-09T12:29:00.000-05:00

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The Ant Nebula; a cloud of dust and gas whose technical
name is Mz3, resembles an ant when observed using ground-
based telescopes. The nebula lies within our galaxy between
3,000 and 6,000 light years from Earth.

Nebula NGC 2392 - called Eskimo because it looks
like a face surrounded by a furry hood. The hood is
in fact; a ring of comet-shaped objects flying away
from a dying star. Eskimo is 5,000 light years from
Earth.

Cat's Eye Nebula - which looks like the eye
of disembodied sorcerer Sauron from Lord
of the Rings.

The Hourglass Nebula, 8,000 light years away;
has a pinched-in-the-middle look because the
winds that shape it are weaker at the centre.

Cone Nebula - The part pictured here is 2.5 light
years in length [the equivalent of 23 million return
trips to the Moon].

The Perfect Storm, a small region in the Swan Nebula,
5,500 light years away; described as "a bubbly ocean
of hydrogen and small amounts of oxygen, sulphur and
other elements".

Starry Night, so named because it reminded astronomers
of the Van Gogh painting. It is a halo of light around a star
in the Milky Way.

The glowering eyes from 114 million light years away
are the swirling cores of two merging galaxies called
NGC 2207 and IC 2163 in the distant Canis Major
constellation.

The Trifid Nebula. A "stellar nursery", 9,000 light years
from Earth, it is where new stars are being born.

Polar Bear In A Bar

2006-12-09T12:15:00.000-05:00

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A Polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender,
"I'll have a gin.........................and tonic."

The Bartender says, "What's with the big pause?"

The bear answers, "I don't know. My father had them, too!"

New UNC Recruit

2006-12-09T12:06:00.000-05:00

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A UNC scout went to the office of the athletic director
and announced, "Have I got an athlete for you! This
guy can play every sport and excels at every position.
He is absolutely the finest athlete I have ever seen
play."

The athletic director was very impressed but had to
ask the question, "But how is he scholastically?"

The scout replied, "He makes straight "A"s in every
subject. However, I must tell you his "B"s are a little
crooked."

Howdy - In Earlier Times:

2006-12-09T11:55:00.000-05:00

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Prof. Howdy shown on left...

Pet Store Visit

2006-12-08T13:33:00.000-05:00

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A UNC* student walked into the pet store and, after looking
up and down the aisles, asked the sales clerk for help.

"I'd like a box of birdseed," said the lady. "For which kind
of bird?" he asked helpfully.

"Oh, I don't know," she replied. "Whichever one will grow
the fastest."

*Please see "comments" for
additional pertinent information.

UNC Driver

2006-12-08T12:13:00.000-05:00

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A UNC student is driving around in her red sports car that
her Dad purchased for her and suddenly gets pulled over by
the Chapel Hill Police.

The policeman approaches the car holding the ticket and pen
ready and says: "Young lady, you've been driving almost
double the speed limit. Give me your name please."

"Hmmph!" - says the UNC student looking very irritated.
"And what are people supposed to call me then?"

Sex Education

2006-12-08T08:21:00.000-05:00

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When we turn to what the Bible has to say about sex
outside of marriage, it's not hard to sum up the message.
Don't do it...

MORE SEX!!!

Christmas Carol Quiz

2006-12-07T11:37:00.000-05:00

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Name That Christmas Carol!

Here’s a quiz you can give out at your
Christmas time office/home parties.

1. Bleached Yule
2. Castaneous-colored Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration
3. Singular Yearning for the Twin Anterior Incisors
4. Righteous Darkness
5. Arrival Time2400 hrs - WeatherCloudless

6. Loyal Followers Advance
7. Far Off in a Feeder
8. Array the Corridor
9. Bantam Male Percussionist
10. Monarchial Triad

11. Nocturnal Noiselessness
12. Jehovah Deactivate Blithe Chevaliers
13. Red Man En Route to Borough
14. Frozen Precipitation Commence
15. Proceed and Enlighten on the Pinnacle

16. The Quadruped with the Vermillion Probiscis
17. Query Regarding Identity of Descendant
18. Delight for this Planet
19. Give Attention to the Melodious Celestial Beings
20. The Dozen Festive 24 Hour Intervals

*Answers are located in "comments"
for your convenience & felicity.

Sombrero Galaxy

2006-12-07T10:28:00.000-05:00

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The Sombrero Galaxy - 28 million light years from Earth -
was voted best picture taken by the Hubble telescope.
The dimensions of the galaxy, officially called M104,
are as spectacular as its appearance. It has 800 billion
suns and is 50,000 light years across.

*Please see "comments" for
additional pertinent information.

Following That Map

2006-12-07T09:21:00.000-05:00

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The map her friend had drawn indicated that the client,
a country vet she was to see, lived in the second farm past
Yin road. Try as she might, the vet could not find a Yin
Road anywhere! Exasperated, she finally stopped to ask
directions.

She stopped and asked at the next farm. "I ain't never
heard of no Yin Road." said the farmer. "But ya might try
askin' old man McGillicuddy, he's lived 'round here for
better 'n 70 years."

"Thanks," replied the vet. "Where can I find him?"

"He lives on the second farm past the Y in the road."

Perspicacious Caballero

2006-12-07T08:43:00.000-05:00

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At a fancy reception a young man was asked by a widow
to guess her age.

"You must have some idea," she urged when he hesitated.

"I have a couple ideas," he admitted with a smile. "The
trouble is that I don't know whether to make it ten years
younger, because of your looks, or ten years older, because
of your intelligence."

WORD KNOWLEDGE QUIZ

2006-12-07T08:40:00.000-05:00

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Match the words in the left-hand column
with the correct definition in the right-hand
column. The answers are located in "comments"...

1. marcescent .... A. Someone whose main pleasure is in reliving the past
2. equitation ...... B. Swaggering; empty boasting
3. roseate .......... C. Casual or lounging attire
4. gramercy ....... D. The skill and theory of riding horses
5. fanfaronade ... E. All alone and friendless
6. collop ............. F. Remaining attached to a plant when withered
7. burdalane ...... G. Used as an expression of thanks
8. preterist ........ H. A dais, pulpit, or other elevated platform
9. rostrum ........... I. Rose-colored
10. dishabille ...... J. A small slice or piece

Lost But Found

2006-12-07T08:31:00.000-05:00

*Please see "comments" for
additional pertinent information.

The Wheels Of Life

2006-12-07T08:27:00.000-05:00

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...........................Click on Pic to enlarge

The Twelve Days of Christmas

2006-12-07T08:23:00.001-05:00

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MORE!!!

Albino Peacock

2006-12-07T08:23:00.000-05:00

The Cross At William & Mary

2006-12-07T08:07:00.000-05:00

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Founded in 1693, the College of William and Mary in
Williamsburg, Virginia—my alma mater—is the second -
oldest college in the United States after Harvard. Like
Harvard, William and Mary was founded for explicitly
Christian purposes: The Royal Charter listed the training
of "ministers of the gospel" and the propagation of the
Christian faith among the "western Indians" among the
school's founding purposes.

Not surprisingly, given the school's history, one of the oldest
buildings on campus is the chapel, designed by Sir Christopher
Wren who also designed St. Paul's Cathedral in London. On the
altar stood a gold cross that was donated to the school by the
nearby historic Bruton Parish church in the 1930s.

I say "stood" because in October, William and Mary President
Gene R. Nichol ordered that the cross be removed from the altar.
His goal was to "make the Wren Chapel less of a faith-specific"
place and to "make it more welcoming" to people of "all faiths."

As you probably guessed, Nichol could not cite a specific instance
of non-Christians being made to feel unwelcome by the presence
of the cross...

MORE!!!

Code Talkers

2006-12-07T07:48:00.003-05:00

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A remarkable story emerged from the Second World War
when the U.S. Marines employed the services of the Navajo
Native Americans as "code talkers."

These men played a pivotal role in the Allied victory in the
Pacific. The Japanese were skilled code breakers who consistently
cracked the codes of the U.S. Army during the war. But they failed
to break the code used by the Navajo Marines. In 1942 the Marine
commanders were persuaded that the Navajo language, only spoken
in isolated parts of the American Southwest, would be the perfect
basis for an unbreakable code...

MORE!!!

Black Hole Eats Star

2006-12-06T12:23:00.001-05:00

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MORE!!!

Frozen Turkey

2006-12-06T11:55:00.000-05:00

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A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery
store in Chapel Hill, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy who was a recent UNC grad,
"Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're all dead."

2006-12-06T11:53:00.000-05:00

Wednesday's Riddles

2006-12-06T11:48:00.000-05:00

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1) What is too much for one, enough for two, and nothing at all
for three?

2) A child is born in Boston, Massachusetts to parents who were
both born in Boston, Massachusetts. The child is not a United
States citizen. How is this possible?

3) There is a town in Texas where 5% of all the people living
there have unlisted phone numbers. If you selected 100 names
at random from the town's phone directory, on average, how
many of these people would have unlisted phone numbers?

4) Over on the hill there is a little green house.
Inside the green house there is a little white house.
Inside the little white house there is a little red house.
Inside the little red house there are a lot of little babies.

5) All that I see, is all that I want
Yet what I see is nothing I need
I am pleased with nothing, and so seek I must do
Until my desire is quenched, I'll never be through.

What am I?

6) I dig out tiny caves, and store gold and silver
in them. I also build bridges of silver and make
crowns of gold. They are the smallest you could
imagine. Sooner or later everybody needs my
help, yet many people are afraid to let me help them.

Who am I?

7)To some I can hold treasure,
To others most displeasure.
I am always near you,
Yet always far.
I am done when I begin,
And begin when I end.

What am I?

*Answers are located in "comments"
for your convenience & felicity.

UNC Grad Ad(Repeat That Several Times)

2006-12-06T11:40:00.000-05:00

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A UNC* grad placed the following ad in the paper:

"WANTED: 250 acres in Alaska to lease between
November and March. Want to raise frozen vegetables."

*Please see "comments" for
additional pertinent information.

Wife's Important Counsel

2006-12-06T11:32:00.000-05:00

Living Dreams Quiz

2006-12-06T11:12:00.000-05:00

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Living Dreams - - These words come from a man
who was a sailor, janitor, songwriter, teacher, author
and poet. How many of these words do you know?

1. contempt (n.) - A: skepticism. B: anger. C: judgment.
D: scorn.

2. melodramatic (adj.) - A: musical. B: evil. C: comic.
D: overly theatrical.

3. renaissance (n.) - A: new information. B: fluency of
expression. C: deterioration. D: rebirth.

4. innuendo (n.) - A: secrecy. B: unpleasant insinuation.
C: funny remark. D: quiet explanation.

5. meager (adj.) - A: shoddy. B: superficial. C: inadequate.
D: willful.

6. vespers (n.) - A: dizziness. B: evening prayer. C: form
of poetry. D: chorale.

7. dire (adj.) - A: narrow. B: enraged. C: dreadful.
D: meaningful.

8. personage (n.) - one who is A: inconspicuous. B: reli-
gious. C: sophisticated. D: important.

9. scintillating (adj.) - A: bitterly sarcastic. B: brill-
iantly clever. C: fragile. D: unpredictable.

10. pretension (n.) - A: insolent behavior. B: insupportable
claim. C: undisputed right. D: extreme selfishness.

11. rollicking (adj.) - A: upsetting. B: pensive. C: light-
hearted. D: mischievous.

12. dialect (n.) - A: local language. B: interrogation.
C: conversation. D: systematic reasoning.

13. solicitude (n.) - A: concern. B: peacefulness.
C: seclusion. D: request.

14. amulet (n.) - A: small ambulance. B: charm. C: jewel.
D: bottle.

15. patronage (n.) - A: collaboration. B: entitlement pro-
gram. C: sponsorship. D: disadvantage.

16. grandiloquent (adj.) - A: spacious. B: light. C: glamor-
ous. D: pompous.

17. millennium (n.) - A: suffering. B: period of joy.
C: great flood. D: eternity.

18. literati (n.) - A: intellectuals. B: those who put on
airs. C: pampered group. D: the literal-minded.

19. impromptu (adj.) - A: rigid. B: uninhibited. C: impro-
vised. D: changeable.

20. concoct (v.) - A: to make a show of. B: outline.
C: invent. D: deceive.

*Answers are located in "comments"
for your convenience & felicity.

Starting Where You Are

2006-12-06T10:35:00.000-05:00

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They often give you one when you check into some sprawling motel
complex, or a big theme park, or a large convention facility. It's a
map of the place. And for the directionally challenged like me,
there's one important thing I look for on that map. It's that "x" and
those three very helpful words, "You are here." See, you're not
helping me very much by just giving me a drawing of where everything
is. In order for me to use that to get where I want to go, I need
that one fundamental piece of information - locating exactly where
I am right now!

MORE!!!

LISTEN!!!

The Christmas Tax

2006-12-06T10:06:00.000-05:00

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"And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from
Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed." So begin most
Christmas pageants, but from there the story narrows. We meet the
characters that we care about: Mary, Joseph, the shepherds, and the baby
wrapped in swaddling clothes. Yet if we would be like Mary, pondering the
Christmas story in our hearts, we should take some time to consider the
census that took Joseph and his wife (great with child) to Bethlehem.

No one likes to be taxed. It is a necessary evil that we bear because we
assume that it will come back to us in some beneficial form: education,
military protection, paved roads, etc. Those who are under the control of
a foreign power especially hate taxes because they have no choice in how
they are spent and rarely receive the benefit. "No taxation without
representation," was the grievance cry of American colonists when they
revolted against England, tired of funding King George III's wars. And if
residents of Boston and Philadelphia found colonial life under the British
Empire a hardship, they likely would have found living as a people
conquered by the Roman Empire even less to their taste.

So Mary and Joseph traveled to Bethlehem, the town of Joseph's ancestors,
knowing that what little money they had saved might now be used to gild a
sundial in a garden in Rome. The Hebrew people were no longer making
bricks for the Egyptians, but the sweat of their backs was funding the
marble edifices of Rome, and they felt the need for a deliverer.

Little did they know that the census ordered by Caesar was actually part
of God's plan for deliverance (though not exactly the deliverance they had
in mind). God's ways are not our ways.

MORE!!!

Do You Agree???

2006-12-06T04:55:00.000-05:00

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Islam is becoming an increasingly volatile catalyst
in today's international scene. Islam is the world’s
fastest growing religion, and it is second in size only
to Christianity. The truth about Islam is exactly the
opposite of what you will hear on the news. Many
Americans believe that Islam is a religion of peace
and that Christians and Muslims worship the same
God. In public schools we teach our children a doctrine
of tolerance, and in some schools students are even
required to memorize passages of the Koran. While
in comparison Islamic children are taught that America
is the Infidel. We are the enemy. When the towers came
crashing down on September 11, 2001 and thousands of
innocent people were killed, Muslims all over the world
danced in the streets and praised the hijackers. Islamic
terrorists are referred to in the West as radicals and
extremists, while in the Middle East they are heralded
by fundamentalists as martyrs and heroes, and the
families of suicide bombers are rewarded monetary
pensions. The disparity between the two perspectives
is staggering, yet Americans do not seem understand
the truth about Islam.

MORE!!!

A Prayer For Israel

2006-12-06T04:20:00.000-05:00

.

As the world and James Baker turn against Israel...

MORE!!!

Dangerous Horse Ride

2006-12-05T16:18:00.000-05:00

.

A UNC student had a near death experience when she went
horseback riding the other day. Everything was going fine
until the horse started bouncing out of control.

She tried with all her might to hang on, but was thrown off.
Just when things could not possibly get worse, her foot got
caught in the stirrup. When this happened, she fell head
first to the ground.

Her head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not
stop or even slow down.

Just as she was giving up hope and losing consciousness,
the Walmart manager happened to walk by and unpluged
the ride...

What's Wrong With This Picture???

2006-12-05T16:12:00.000-05:00

.

..............................Click on pic to enlarge...

Word Match Game

2006-12-05T16:03:00.000-05:00

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Match the words in the left-hand column
with the correct definition in the right-hand
column. The answers are located in "comments"...

1. effrontery ......... A. Sharp, biting, or acid
2. machination ..... B. Thoroughgoing; downright
3. imprimatur ....... C. Familiar talk
4. acerbic ............. D. The act of plotting
5. rumpus ............. E. A large lump or chunk or something
6. confabulation ... F. Approval; sanction
7. skedaddle ........ G. An outcry or noisy disturbance
8. arrant ............... H. Insulting presumptuousness
9. wodge ............... I. A thicket or grove of small trees
10. copse ............. J. To run away quickly

#1 UNC Grad

2006-12-05T10:34:00.000-05:00

.

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a UNC
grad who is a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of
grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices
that the grad is just standing there, doing nothing. The man gets
out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks
him, "Excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well...I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are
out standing in their field."

Recovering From Surgery

2006-12-05T10:17:00.000-05:00

.

A man was recovering from surgery when
a recent UNC* grad in a new job as a charity
representative phoned asking him to take
part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort.
"Sorry," he replied, "but I've been incapacitated."

Undaunted, the UNC grad kept trying to
convince him to change his mind and volunteer.

The man interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated.
Do you know what that means?"

She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?"

*Please see "comments" for additional pertinent information.

Once Too Many

2006-12-05T10:02:00.000-05:00

Why Iran Matters

2006-12-05T08:57:00.000-05:00

An expedited withdrawal for the USA would be disastrous
for both our national security and the Iraqi people. "Cutting
and running" would leave Iran as the regional superpower
and threaten the safety of our only reliable and democratic
ally in the region: Israel.

To understand why leaving Iran as the regional power would
be such a disaster, you need to understand the nature and
worldview of the Iranian regime, and especially Iran's
president: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

MORE!!!

Watch - Project

2006-12-04T17:15:00.002-05:00

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Why, when I wind up my watch, I start it,
but when I wind up a project, I end it?

Monday's Riddles

2006-12-04T17:07:00.000-05:00

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1) I run over fields and woods all day,
Under the bed at night I sit alone,
With a long tongue hanging out,
Awaiting for a bone.
What is it?

2) What flower is in between your nose and your chin?

3) I am a country. My 1st, 2nd, and 7th letters form an
external point. My 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 7th is what you
will be when you solve this puzzle. My 5th, 2nd, 3rd,
1st, and 4th is in heaven. My 4th, 5th, 6th, and 7th
is on earth. What country am I?

4) I'm so fast you can't see me,
Though everyone sees straight through me,
I don't stop until the day you die.
What am I?

5) A tree doubled in height each year until it
reached its maximum height in 20 years. How
many years did it take this tree to reach
half its maximum height?

*Answers are located in "comments"
for your convenience & felicity.

Impossible In Bed

2006-12-04T16:59:00.000-05:00

.

A married couple were having a disagreement while sitting
in bed. The wife said to her husband, "You're impossible,"
to which the husband replied, "No. I'm next to impossible."

If Looks Could Kill

2006-12-04T16:57:00.000-05:00

Free Big Mac

2006-12-04T13:59:00.001-05:00

.

One UNC student noticed another UNC student walking
up and down Main Street, wearing a sandwich board that
read "Free Big Mac!"

Strolling over with a look of concern, the first UNC
student asked, "Why? What'd he do?"

UNC Student's Purse

2006-12-04T13:05:00.000-05:00

.

Q. Why did the UNC student go outdoors with her purse open?
A. Because she expected change in the weather.

THE GARDEN GUY

2006-12-04T05:38:00.000-05:00

.

A landscaper's trials shed light on what
homosexual activists are after -- and
it's not "tolerance."

MORE!!!

FAA Approved

2006-11-30T15:01:00.000-05:00

Next Waiting Room

2006-11-30T10:02:00.000-05:00

Popular Restaurant -Near UNC

2006-11-30T09:43:00.000-05:00

.

When my husband and I showed up at a very popular Chapel
Hill* restaurant, it was crowded. I went up to the hostess and
asked, "Will it be long?"

The hostess, ignoring me, kept writing in her book. I asked
again, "How much of a wait?"

The woman looked up and said, "About ten minutes."

A short time later, we heard an announcement over the loud-
speaker: "Willette B. Long, your table is ready."

*Click on pic to read sign in window...

Office Hours

2006-11-30T09:25:00.000-05:00

.

Sarah's professors tell her there's no such thing
as absolute truth. Professor Theophilus says even
they don't really believe that...

MORE!!!

New Hearing Aide - Developed At UNC

2006-11-30T09:17:00.000-05:00

.

"Hey Benny," said Lou, "I just bought me
a brand new hearing aide. It cost me $4,000,
but it's state of the art."

"That right?" answered Ben. "What kind is it?"

"One-thirty-seven."

Who You Are & Why You're There

2006-11-30T09:01:00.000-05:00

.

As a general rule, I don't do hospitals. Oh, I visit other
people in hospitals, but I don't stay in them. God has
blessed me with wonderful health over the years. But
there was the time I had such an intense bout with the
flu that I ended up badly dehydrated.

The doctor was concerned enough about me that he put
me in the hospital for a short time, actually, to get me re-
hydrated with intravenous fluids. Now I've got to tell you,
I was not a happy camper when they told me they were
going to admit me to the hospital.

Oh, I was nice on the outside, but inside I was going "Rrrrrr."
That was until my sister-in-law reminded me of something
that she said I had told her once or twice. (I hate it when my
own words come back to haunt me.) She said, "Remember
who you are and remember why you're here."

MORE!!!

LISTEN!!!

A Letter To Friends

2006-11-30T08:48:00.000-05:00

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Dear Friends

You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call on You.

Sincerely Yours,
David

P.S. Please see "comments" for additional
information.

UNC Medical Rounds

2006-11-29T10:33:00.000-05:00

.

Making rounds one morning, a doctor points out
an X-ray to a group of UNC medical students.

"As you can see," he says, "the patient limps because
his left fibula and tibia are radically arched.

Bernie, what would you do in a case like this?"

*Please see "comments" for Bernie's answer along with additional pertinent information.

Don't Sit Up Straight

2006-11-29T10:01:00.000-05:00

.

The longstanding advice to "sit up straight"
has been turned on its head by a new study
that suggests leaning back is a much better
posture (but you'd still better listen to your
Mom)...

MORE!!!

Coffee With Jill

2006-11-29T09:56:00.000-05:00

.

Linda and Jill are having coffee when Linda notices
that Jill seems troubled and asks her, "Is something
bugging you? You look anxious."

"Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life
savings in the stock market," Jill explained.

"Oh, that's too bad," Linda sympathized. "I'm sure
you're feeling sorry for him."

"Yeah, I am," Jill said. "He'll miss me."

Wednesday's Riddles

2006-11-29T09:44:00.000-05:00

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1) My host thinks I'm an irritation, a bother, a pain.
But he can't evict me, so here I will remain. Then
one day I'm taken and ranked among my peers.
Can you guess just what I am? Then you might
call me dear.

2) I start with the letter e,
I end with the letter e.
I contain only one letter,
Yet I am not the letter e!

What am I?

3) Here is a quotation with all the spaces and vowels removed.
What is the quotation?

TRRSHMNTFRGVDVN

4) High above the lowly earth,
and yet I flourish for all I'm worth.
I hang between the earth and sky,
green or brown as the seasons pass by.
As around me all the birds do fly,
and just before winter, away go I.
Tell me true,
What Am I?

5) These fictitious names are all rearrangements of the names
of famous people. For example, if Sheila O'Norton were on
the list, you would discover that this is really Horatio
Nelson in disguise. See if you can discover who everyone
really is.

A) Frank Cardise
B) Fred Colatis
C) Alfie Dondee
D) Fidel Haltor
E) Jon Hasket
F) Fred Hyron
G) Mark Larx
H) Helmut Tarrin
I) June Seatan

6) Caesar and Brutus are playing a game in which each says the
next number from a well-known sequence. The first 20 terms
of the sequence are given below:

1 2 3 2 1 2 3 4 2 1 2 3 4 3 2 3 4 5 3 2

The fortieth term is 2. If Caesar began the game, who will
be the first to say 10?

*Answers are located in "comments"
for your convenience & felicity.

Movie: The Nativity Story

2006-11-29T08:01:00.000-05:00

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Christians have long known that it is more important
to be “correct” than “politically correct.” Christmas is
about Christ, and that is “correct,” accurate and true
to history and tradition. Santa Claus, reindeer, wreaths,
Christmas trees are fine, but what it is all about is the
birth of the Messiah. Christmas heralds the turning
point in history...

MORE!!!

The Transporter To Tomorrow

2006-11-29T07:49:00.000-05:00

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"To boldly go where no man has gone before."
Recognize that famous line? Then somewhere
along the way, you've been exposed to that
cultural phenomenon known as Star Trek.

They had this invention on the Enterprise,
you remember, it's called a transporter -
as in "Scotty, beam me up!" Well, the
transporter sort of rearranges your
molecules and beams you to another
location almost immediately. But
sometimes the crew would get beamed
down to some unknown planet, only to
be greeted by this horrific space creature...

MORE!!!

LISTEN!!!

Dancing Around Oneness

2006-11-29T07:42:00.000-05:00

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During my first year in college I was convinced that a beginning ballet
class was just what I needed to lighten a heavy course load. Nothing was
less like calculus and chemistry than ballet. Little did I know, however,
that my ballet professor would embody a militant will to snap "easy-A"
seeking students in two with the Herculean strength of her well-trained
legs. "Find your Sit-Bones!" she repeatedly thundered, pacing through
even rows of frightened freshmen.

MORE!!!

Our Blog Readers Snapshot

2006-11-29T07:22:00.000-05:00

Num	Perc.	Country Name
38	45.24%	United States
5	5.95%	United Kingdom
5	5.95%	Belgium
5	5.95%	Netherlands
5	5.95%	United Arab Emirates
4	4.76%	India
4	4.76%	Romania
4	4.76%	Jordan
4	4.76%	Taiwan
2	2.38%	Viet Nam
2	2.38%	Poland
2	2.38%	Russian Federation
2	2.38%	Malaysia
1	1.19%	Sweden
1	1.19%	Korea, Republic Of

Above numbers give a snapshot of the locations
of our last 100 readers around 7 A.M. today.
This will change completely in the next few
minutes. 'Thought & Humor' has been read in
ALL 230 countries of the world.-"But indeed
for this purpose I have raised you up, that I
may show My power in you, and that My
Name may be declared in all the earth."
EX IX:XVI

Are His Flashers On?

2006-11-28T09:12:00.000-05:00

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Two UNC students were speeding down the highway
at well over 98 mph.

"Hey," asked the student at the wheel "Any cops
following us?"

The other turned around and had a long look at
the road behind them.

"Yeah, looks like it"

"Are his flashers on?"

*His facetious answer is located in "comments"
for your convenience & felicity.

Your Own Parking Space

2006-11-28T09:04:00.000-05:00

Dinner Palaver

2006-11-28T08:51:00.000-05:00

.

A mother and father were chatting with their high school
son about his future. The student said he'd like to attend
UNC*, as his parents and other members of the family had.

Pleased with his response, they pressed on. "What would
you like to take when you attend college?" they asked the
high school student

After giving it some thought and glancing around the kitchen,
he replied, "The refrigerator, if you can get along without it."

*Please see "comments" for additional pertinent information.

The Interview

2006-11-28T08:05:00.000-05:00

Tuesday's Riddles

2006-11-28T07:40:00.000-05:00

1) I am something that nothing is,
but yet I have a name.
I am sometimes tall and sometimes short.
I join your talks;
I join your sport,
And I play in every game.
What am I?

2) I say everything I hear to others around.
I'm not an animal, nor part of the human race.
I will, immediately, repeat after you;
But only if my tail is in place.
What am I?

3) You are going to mail a letter, but the only information
you have is listed below. What would his address be?

WOOD
JOHN
MASS

(This letter was actually delivered .... many years ago)

4) A certain family party consisted of 1 grandfather,
1 grandmother, 2 fathers, 2 mothers, 4 children, 3
grandchildren, 1 brother, 2 sisters, 2 sons, 2
daughters, 1 father-in-law, 1 mother-in-law and 1
daughter-in-law. This may appear appear to add up
to 23 people but was in fact only 7.

Who all was the party?

5) Without a bridle, or a saddle,
across a thing I ride a-straddle.
And those I ride, by help of me,
though almost blind, are made to see.
What am I?

6) A man is pushing his car. He stops in front of a hotel
and immediately knows he is bankrupt. How did he know?

7) I live above a star, and yet I never burn;
I have eleven neighbors, and yet none of them turn;
I am visited in sequence, first, last or in between;
PRS are my initials, now tell me what I mean.
What am I?

8) In an unabridged dictionary, what 3 letter word

has the most definitions?

*Answers are located in "comments"
for your convenience & felicity.

WORD KNOWLEDGE QUIZ

2006-11-28T07:30:00.000-05:00

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1. mint adj. - A: refurbished, B: prime, C: old, D: worn

2. patina (Pat 'n uh) n. - A: glitter, B: coat of paint,
C: glue, D: age-mellowed surface

3. cornice n. - A: top molding, B: handle, C: baseboard,
D: armrest

4. coherent adj. - A: slapdash, B: all one color,
C: consistent, D: temporarily suitable

5. filigree n. - A: rapid talk, B: fine ornamental work,
C: knick-knacks, D: think upholstery

6. sleeper n. - A: lantern, B: over-priced piece,
C: unexpected success, D: hesitant buyer

7. dovetail v. - A: to agitate, B: end abruptly, C: taper,
D; join

8. plinth n. - A: wine decanter, B: curtain rod, C: base,
D: clawed foot.

9. art deco adj. - relating to A: repainting, B: draperies,
C: wood, D: decorative style

10. escutcheon n. - A: doorknob, B: desk, C: shield, D: tool

11. artisan n. - A: historian, B: follower, C: storyteller,
D: craftsman

12. provenance n. - A: inspiration, B: luck, C: origin,
D: estimate

13. cabriole n. - A: bowl, B: apron, C: serving cart,
D: curved leg.

14. aesthetic adj. - A: out of balance, B: showing good
taste, C: old, D: vain

15. vendor n. - A: buyer, B: seller, C: agent, D: auctioneer

16. rococo (ro CO co) adj. - in a style marked by A: block
shapes, B; elaborate ornamentation, C: musical images,
D: circles

17. armoire n. A: footstool, B: low chair, C: waiting area,
D: wardrobe cabinet

18. veneer n. - A: drapery, B: surface layer, C: web,
D: cushion

19. finial n. - A: top ornament, B: nightstand, C: wall
bracket, D: champagne glass

20. period adj. - A: imitation, B: of a certain time,
C: finely executed, D: unconventional

*Answers are located in "comments"
for your convenience & felicity.