A man was recovering from surgery when a recent UNC* grad in a new job as a charity representative phoned asking him to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort. "Sorry," he replied, "but I've been incapacitated."
Undaunted, the UNC grad kept trying to convince him to change his mind and volunteer.
The man interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?"
She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?"
*Please see "comments" for additional pertinent information.
Comment & Forward>>>
Comments:
Dear Prof. Howdy & Friends,
The seat of Indian Buddhism is in the northeast state of Maharashtra, which is home to much of India's Buddhist history and culture. Yet the light of the Gospel is reaching the people in Maharashtra. Click here to read what happened to two Buddhists when they heard about God's love.
Missionaries sharing the Gospel with India's Buddhists face an uphill battle. Buddhists have no concept of a God who loves and cares for them. They seek salvation by self-effort. They look for peace by adhering to a series of teachings. Yet Buddhism is still one of the fastest growing false religions in India--and the western world, too.
Thankfully we can be confident that the Gospel message of God's mercy and grace is stronger than any tradition or false teaching. It is my desire that you will be blessed and find hope in knowing that with your help, we are seeing God reach into the hearts of Buddhists and set them free!
On March 27, 1964, North America's strongest recorded earthquake, with a moment magnitude of 9.2, rocked central Alaska. Each year Alaska has approximately 5,000 earthquakes, including 1,000 that measure above 3.5 on the Richter scale. Of the ten strongest earthquakes ever recorded in the world, three have occurred in Alaska.
Hey! I found a really cool site yesterday that shows you how to make the ultimate paper airplane. Be prepared to spend about ten minutes making your first one...the instructions are a little complicated...but it flies really well. Oh, and try not to do it while you're sitting at your desk at work. I was goofing around with it this morning and the boss happened to come up behind me and look over my shoulder.
Anyway...check it out here if you're interested: http://www.zurqui.co.cr/crinfocus/paper/airplane.html
You younger people may wonder what we retired old timers do to occupy our time . . . this may explain things to you.
I WENT TO THE STORE THE OTHER DAY. I WAS ONLY IN THERE FOR ABOUT 5 MINUTES. WHEN I CAME OUT THERE WAS A CITY COP WRITING OUT A PARKING TICKET.
I WENT UP TO HIM AND SAID, "COME ON, BUDDY, HOW ABOUT GIVING A SENIOR A BREAK?" HE IGNORED ME AND CONTINUED WRITING THE TICKET.
I CALLED HIM A NAME. HE GLARED AT ME AND STARTED WRITING ANOTHER TICKET FOR HAVING WORN TIRES. SO I CALLED HIM A WORSE NAME. HE FINISHED THE SECOND TICKET AND PUT IT ON THE WINDSHIELD WITH THE FIRST.
THEN HE STARTED WRITING A THIRD TICKET. THIS WENT ON FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES. THE MORE I ABUSED HIM THE MORE TICKETS HE WROTE.
BUT I DIDN'T CARE. MY CAR WAS PARKED AROUND THE CORNER AND THIS ONE HAD A "I VOTE DEMOCRAT" BUMPER STICKER ON IT
I TRY TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN EACH DAY NOW THAT I'M RETIRED.
I find your web site so crisp, colourful and entertaining and sprinkled with wit. It is refreshing to read as I sit before my computer in the wilds of northern Canada. But one thing is incomprehensible to me, who got me on your mailing list! ! !
Did you know that 'Thought & Humor' has a distinguished Board of Advisors that are designed to be a cross section demographically of our readership as far as age, location, gender, marital status, education & occupation are concerned???
Bill - 50's - FL - Computer Operator for 911 System, V.P. - Archives Brenda - 50's - TX - University Administor, Married Caroline - 20's - FL - Married, University Student David - 50's - NJ - Businessman, Married Doug - 50's - TN - President of 501(c)(3) Corp, Married Ellen - 20's - NJ - University Student Emily - 30's - TN - Banker, Married Janet - 40's - MI - Married, Former Missionary to Arab Country Jerry - 80's - CA - Retired Theology Professor, Lobbyist, Author Jill - 50's - MN - Restaurant Owner, Married Jim - 40's - NM - Businessman, Married John - 50's - Peru - Pastor, Married Katie - 20's - NC - Teacher, Married to UNC Med Student Laura - 30's - NY - English Teacher Lisa - 40's - TN - Secretary, Married Marie - 60's - South Africa - Entrepreneur, Politician Mamie - 20's - GA - Elementary Teacher Milton - 19 - GA - College Student Phil - 50's WI - Handicapped Rob - 20's - NY - University Administor, Married Ruth - 50's - CA - Real Estate, Involved in Spanish Ministry Sarah - 20's - NC - UNC Student, Married Shirl - 60's - CO - Finance Manager - Married to Minister Steve - 40's - TX - Married, Computer Hardware Design Wanda - 40's - Asia - Married - Communist Country
Advisory meetings are held weekly via the internet and none receive monetary/pecuniary compensation for their extensive/capacious/voluminous expertise.
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Bible - God's Word to you in different languages...
"I believe the Bible is the best gift God has ever given to man. All the good from the Savior of the world is communicated to us through this book." -- President Abraham Lincoln
"For we must consider that we shall be as a City upon a hill. The eyes of all people are upon us. So that if we shall deal falsely with our God in this work we have undertaken, and so cause Him to withdraw his present help from us, we shall be made a story and a byword throughout the world." --John Winthrop, Governor of the Massachusetts Bay Colony, 1630
"It is impossible to rightly govern the world without God and the Bible." - President George Washington
"The Bible is no mere book, but a Living Creature, with a power that conquers all that oppose it." - Napoleon
"That Book accounts for the supremacy of England." - Queen Victoria
"If there is anything in my thought or style to commend , the credit is due my parents for instilling in me an early love of the Scriptures. If we abide by the principals taught in the Bible, our country will go on prospering and to prosper; but if we and our posterity neglect its instructions and authority, no man can tell how sudden a catastrophe may overwhelm us and bury all our glory in profound obscurity." - Daniel Webster (Founding Father)
"The Bible is worth all other books which have ever been printed." - Patrick Henry (original member of the Continental Congress)
"The Bible is the anchor of our liberties." - President U.S. Grant
"It is impossible to enslave mentally or socially a Bible-reading people. The principals of the Bible are the groundwork of human freedom." - Horace Greeley (Editor)
"That Book is the rock on which our Republic rests." - President Andrew Jackson
"In all my perplexities and distresses, the Bible has never failed to give me light and strength." - Gen. Robert E. Lee
"Bible reading is an education in itself." - Lord Tennyson (Poet)
"So great is my veneration for the Bible that the earlier my children begin to read it the more confident will be my hope that they will prove useful citizens of their country and respectable members of society. I have for many years made it a practice to read through the Bible once every year." - President John Quincy Adams
"The existence of the Bible, as a Book for the people, is the greatest benefit which the human race has ever experienced. Every attempt to belittle it is a crime against humanity." - Immanuel Kant (Philosopher)
"The New Testament is the very best Book that ever or ever will be known in the world." - Charles Dickens (Author)
"All human discoveries seem to be made only for the purpose of confirming more and more strongly the truths contained in the Sacred Scriptures." - Sir William Herschel (Astronomer)
"There are more sure marks of authenticity in the Bible than in any profane history." - Sir Isaac Newton (Scientist)
"Let mental culture go on advancing, let the natural sciences progress in even greater extent and depth, and the human mind widen itself as much as it desires; beyond the elevation and moral culture of Christianity, as it shines forth in the Gospels, it will not go." - Goethe (Author)
"I have known ninety-five of the world's great men in my time, and of these eight-seven were followers of the Bible. The Bible is stamped with a Specialty of Origin, and an immeasurable distance separates it from all competitors." - W.E. Gladstone (Prime Minister)
"Whatever merit there is in anything that I have written is simply due to the fact that when I was a chile my mother daily read me a part of the Bible and daily made me learn a part of it by heart." - John Ruskin (art critic and social commentator)
"The Bible has been the Magna Charta of the poor and oppressed. The human race is not in a position to dispense with it." - Thomas Huxley (Author & Scientist)
"The whole hope of human progress is suspended on the ever growing influence of the Bible." - W.H. Seward (Secretary of State)
"America was born a Christian nation. America was born to exemplify that devotion to the elements of righteousness, which are derived from the revelations of Holy Scriptures. Part of the destiny of Americans lies in their daily perusal of this great book of revelations. That if they would see America free and pure they will make their own spirits free and pure by this baptism of the Holy Spirit." --President Woodrow Wilson
For Christians, the life and death of Jesus are the ultimate expressions of love, and the supreme demonstrations of God's mercy, faithfulness, and redemption. Since Christ's miraculous Resurrection on Easter, more than 2,000 years ago, Christians have expressed joy and gratitude for this wondrous sacrifice and for God's promise of freedom for the oppressed, healing for the brokenhearted, and salvation. --President George W. Bush
"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians; not on religions, but on the gospel of Jesus Christ. For this very reason peoples of other faiths have been afforded asylum, prosperity, and freedom of worship here." --Patrick Henry (original member of the Continental Congress)