A UNC grad, trying to start up a conversation with another fella said, "Who is the ugly lady over there?" The second man said, "Why, that's my wife!" Trying to get out of an embarrassing situation, the grad said, "No, not her, the other one!" The second man said, "That's my daughter!"
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Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the UNC student.
The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns.
But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."
Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. --1 Corinthians 15
Two UNC* grads were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding, would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his shoulder or nail it in. The other grad, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me I throw it away because it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house I nail it in!" The second got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"
________ *UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill. Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including: B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., B.S. B.R.C. (Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898 for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.
A UNC grad got engaged to two very pretty women at the same time. One was named Edith; the other named Kate. They met, discovered they had the same fiancée, and told him:
"Get out of our lives you rascal. We'll teach you that you can't have your Kate and Edith, too."
An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws.
"You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella.
Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt down next to him. "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles," she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful."
The boy looked up, "Really?"
"Of course," said the grandmother. "Why just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles."
The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles."