1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned & fall short of the glory of God.
2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ (God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of Peace & Savior of the World).
3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone, anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in, relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven).
4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE. No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist, Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives) to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through) ME (no other name).
This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - - (Rev. 3:20)
{Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian - however they are great afterwards!!!}
Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment), and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness, forever with God), and only a few find it. --Matthew 7:13-14
A lawyer enters a bank as a robber is making his getaway. Noticing that the customers have their faces buried in the floor, and the tellers have their hands in the air, the lawyer asks what's going on. As the bank manager dials the police department he shouts, "That man just walked out of here with a million dollars!"
"A million dollars! Why didn't you say something?" the lawyer says in shock. "I would have given him my card."
Read what you have time for below & save the residuum for a stormy/ blustery/dilatory interval while the charming/exquisite/vernal/ aestival season is bursting out all over. Our goal is to promote a non- threatening and productive office & university environment and to establish language that is gender- neutral, ethnic-neutral, and age- neutral while celebrating our spirit of diversity.
***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING*** This material is not suitable for those who are deficient in humor or thought challenged!!! Do not read any further - you have been warned. Preconceived ideas and biases could be endangered. A unique blend of the jocular with provocative rumination is just ahead for your divertissement!?!
===============
Undoubtedly America’s fastest growing sensation online, 'Thought & Humor' has arrived after winding its way through the Internet’s highways and byways to your e-mail address. We welcome all our great readers to another unique blend of the jocular with provocative rumination for your weekly entertainment - usually platitudinous & bromidic but never nefarious, prurient, besmeared, or perfidious and delivered gratis to offices, homes & dorms ubiquitously....
*UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill. Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including: B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., N.U.T., B.R.C. (Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898 for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.
'Thought & Humor' has been read in all 50 States, all 230 Countries, 7 Continents, Oxford, Cambridge, every Ivy League School & all major American Universities including UNC!!!
To find out how you can begin a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, please call:
1-888-NEED HIM.
===============
Please forward this newspaper to your colleagues, friends, and family, and let them know they can subscribe by sending an e-mail to:
harvard_humor_club-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
===============
Join the jollity by sending an e-mail to: harvard_humor_club-subscribe@yahoogroups.com (Place "SUBSCRIBE" in the subject). (Open To ALL - Even Your Roommate/mom/friend/professor)
You may subscribe ANY friend/family you wish to beguile/regale. They will be sent a confirmation warning them that smiles are in their future. (You may remain anonymous if you wish.)
Howdy says: "FORWARD TO FRIENDS & YOUR MAMA!" First Published In Last Century - July 26,1997 Thought For The OPEN Mind - Humor From American Culture
=============== If you stop believing what your professor told you had to be true and if you start thinking for yourself you may come to some conclusions you hadn't expected. You may find the Bible makes more sense than you thought or were told to think. Allow yourself to be ruined, ruined with regard to what you always thought could be true. Can you believe what you don't understand? You and I believe everyday what we don't understand unless it comes to the issue of salvation. - - - Dr. Woodrow Kroll
===============
There is simply no historic foundation for the position that the Framers intended to build the 'wall of separation' that was constitutionalized in Everson. The 'wall of separation be- tween church and state' is a metaphor based on bad history, a metaphor which has proved useless as a guide to judging. It should be frankly and explicitly abandoned. - - - Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court, William Rehnquist
===============
In 1796 the US Supreme Court issued this ruling, "By our form of government, the Christian religion is the established religion, and all sects and denominations of Christians are placed on equal footing." Some 57 years later, after Congress was petitioned to separate Christian principles from government, in 1853 the House Judiciary Committee issued their formal report, including these words: "In this age there is no substitute for Christianity. This was the religion of the founders of the republic, and they expected it to be the religion of their dependents. The great vital, conservative elements in our system is the belief of our people in the pure doctrines and divine truths of the gospel of Jesus Christ." - - - Dr. Gerald Beavan
===============
"It is the duty of nations, as well as of men, to own their dependence upon the overruling power of God and to recognize the sublime truth announced in the Holy Scriptures and proven by all history, that those nations only are blessed whose God is the Lord." -- President Abraham Lincoln
C.S. Lewis, in one little episode from his book The Silver Chair illustrates God’s invitation and our resistance. Aslan, the lion is representative of Christ and Jill one of us.
This is the first time they meet. Listen:
When Jill stopped, she found she was dreadfully thirsty… She listened carefully and felt almost sure she heard the sound of running water. Jill…looked around her very carefully. There was no sign of the Lion; so she plucked up her courage to… look for that running water. …she came to an open glade and saw the stream, bright as glass… [A]lthough the sight of the water made her feel ten times thirstier than before, she didn’t rush forward and drink. She stood still as if she had been turned into a stone, with her mouth wide open. And she had a very good reason: just this side of the stream lay the Lion… “Are you not thirsty?” said the Lion. “I’m dying of thirst,” said Jill. “Then drink,” said the Lion. “May I—could I—would you mind going away while I do?” said Jill. The Lion answered this only by a look and a very low growl. And as Jill gazed at its motionless bulk, she realized that she might as well have asked the whole mountain to move aside for her convenience. The delicious rippling noise of the stream was driving her nearly frantic. “Will you promise not to—do anything to me, if I do come?” said Jill. “I make no promise,” said the Lion. Jill was so thirsty now that, without noticing it, she had come a step nearer. “Do you eat girls?” she said. “I have swallowed up girls and boys, women and men, kings and emperors, cities and realms,” said the Lion. “I daren’t come and drink,” said Jill. “Then you will die of thirst,” said the Lion. “Oh dear!” said Jill, coming another step nearer. “I suppose I must go and look for another stream then.” “There is no other stream,” said the Lion.
What a powerful illustration this is. We thirst for God. Christ invites us to come and be filled by Him. Yet, fearful of the risk we turn away from Him, still thirsty.
GK Chesterton said it well: Faith and love are apt to be spasmodic in the best of minds. Men and women live on the brink of mysteries and harmonies into which they never enter and with their hand on the doorlatch they die outside. Ravi Zacharias
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until after they had been driving about twenty minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses. All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for one minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. And as the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her ........"While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and credit card.."