A young ventriloquist is touring clubs and one night he's doing a show in a club in Chapel Hill, NC.
With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb UNC jokes when a UNC student in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting. "I've heard enough of your stupid UNC jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype our school that way? It's guys like you who keep UNC students like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only UNC students, but UNC grads in general... and all in the name of humor!" The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the UNC grad yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!"
Comment & Forward>>>
Last night I dreamed I ate a five-pound marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was gone.
Today in the Stock Market -------------------------- Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Cow steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remain unchanged. Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. The market for raisins dried up. Coca Cola fizzled. Caterpillar stock inched up a bit. Sun peaked at midday. Balloon prices were inflated. And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market.
Three UNC students went hunting. The first thing they did was to get permission to hunt on a friends wooded land. Their friend told them if they get lost to fire three times into the air and he would come and find them and lead them out of the woods.
After three hours of hunting, the students had not had any luck and were tired. Not only that they were lost. The first Carolina student fired three times into the air and sat down to wait. After an hour, the second student got up and fired three times into the air and sat down to wait. By this time it was getting dark. The third UNC student got up, fired three times into the air and said, "I sure hope he gets here fast, I am out of arrows".
A UNC* student went into a bank to withdraw some money.
"Can you identify yourself?" asked the bank clerk.
The student pulls a mirror out of her handbag, looks into it and says, "Yes, it's me alright."
________ *UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill. Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including: B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., B.R.C. (Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898 for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.