Two UNC* girls were talking to each other and one couldn't help but notice how pretty and beautiful the others skin was. So she asked her outright what made her skin so soft and beautiful.
"Well.. once a week I fill a bathtub up with milk and just soak in it."
So the UNC student went to a farm and spoke to the farmer. "I'd like a lot of milk."
"How much?" asked the farmer.
"Well quite a lot because I'm going to soak in it."
He asked, "Pasturized?"
"No...just up to my neck."
*Please see "comments" for additional information.
Comment & Forward>>>
Comments:
*Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we askor imagine, according to His power that is at work within us,to Him be glory in church and in Christ Jesus throughout allgenerations, for ever and ever! Amen. --Ephesians 3
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*The Senseless World of AcademiaIn America's rights-obsessed culture, it's hard to imagine a place where liberty is an afterthought. Welcome to the 21st century campus.
{Double click on the web address above for additional information:}
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A sheriff walks into a saloon and shouts for everyone's attention."Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?""What's he look like?", asks one shoddy-looking cowboy."Well", replies the Sheriff. "He wears a brown paper hat, a brown paperwaistcoat, a brown paper shirt, brown paper boots, brown paper pants,and a brown paper jacket.""So what's he wanted for?", asks the same cowboy."Rustlin'."
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Listen with RealAudio!http://www.gospelcom.net/rhm/sounds/awwy/awwy4051.ram
One of the most amazing Christian warriors in my lifetime is a manwho has come to be known as Brother Andrew, or "God's Smuggler." He's riskedeverything to get God's Word into spiritually closed countries where thatwas virtually impossible. Many consider him a real spiritual hero. No onecan doubt that he is, at the very least, a bold risk-taker for Christ.
In his biography, he tells about an incident in his early life as afollower of Christ that showed him the kind of God he was serving. Aftersome pretty wild years without the Lord, he came to Christ and almostimmediately felt the call to begin training for the ministry. He went tothis small Bible school in Scotland, and before the students were allowed tograduate, they were given a very unusual assignment. They were asked to goout for a month to do evangelistic outreaches in Scottish villages, and theywere given some money to live on - one British pound, to be exact. For thoseof us who are Americans, it would be like being given a dollar to live onfor a month. The students were to go with that one bill and eat, and sleep,and rent halls, and buy refreshments, and hold outreaches, and return thatone bill at the end of the month. Brother Andrew's team went out and didjust that. Except he returned with enough money for the school to send outtwo missionaries!
Maybe everyone in God's service should have an assignment likethat - to live the adventure of what life is like when all you've got isGod. Now you may be at or near that point right now. Or it may be that Godwants you to be at that point, and you've been avoiding it. For all of us,the ultimate questions of security and obedience boil down to this: Can Godbe trusted? Is God really enough? Figuratively speaking, can I make it whenit's just "one dollar and God"? Our word for today from the Word of God is 1 Kings 17:1-6. Theprophet Elijah has just delivered a message of God's judgment to the Jewishking that there's going to be a long drought in Israel. Then the prophet isgiven an assignment that sounds something like Brother Andrew's in Bibleschool. He is sent into a situation where it's just him and God - just himand whatever God provides, that is. He's being sent away from all the normalsources of supply.
Here's what the Bible says: "Then the word of the Lord came toElijah, 'Leave here, turn eastward and hide in the Kerith Ravine. You willdrink from the brook, and I have ordered the ravens to feed you there.' Sohe did what the Lord had told him. He went to the Kerith Ravine and stayedthere. The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning and bread andmeat in the evening, and he drank from the brook."
Now, God sends Elijah into this situation where God is all he has.God may be doing the same thing with you. And notice, God will always find away to provide what His servant needs. He's, in fact, the God of unlikelysources! His people have nowhere to get water in the wilderness, so it comesfrom a rock! Five thousand people have nowhere to get lunch, so Jesus takesthe one lunch there and makes 5,000 lunches from it.
Elijah is in the wilderness where there is nowhere to get food. Ohyeah? Twice a day, here come the ravens, delivering God's supply. But youhave to be in a seemingly hopeless situation like this to experience God'samazingness like this. I want to tell you that after 35 years of faithministry, I can "amen" David's testimony in Psalm 37:25. "I was young andnow I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their childrenbegging bread."
If God has you at a point where it's "one dollar and God" -financially, emotionally, physically - don't stop trusting Him now. Yoursecurity is not the resources you have in your hand, but the Heavenly Fatheryou belong to. And if you've been holding back from God's calling becauseyou can't see where the resources will come from, remember the God of themanna, and the ravens, and the endless lunch. If you don't step out of theboat, you'll never know what it is to walk on water!
A great spiritual warrior was once a Bible school student with theequivalent of a dollar to live and a month to live on it. And he found outwhat you can discover in a time when there seems to be "no way," one dollarand God is more than enough for everything you need!
To find out how you can begin a personal relationship with Jesus Christ,please visit YOURS FOR LIFE: HOW TO HAVE LIFE'S MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP at:
http://www.gospelcom.net/cgi-bin/bounce?b=871
Or, call 1-888-NEED HIM.
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Please note: If you see a UNC student or a liberal reading 'Thought & Humor', please explain to them which is thought & which is humor. They always get it backwards.......
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Q. Did you hear about the dead UNC terrorists? A. They died faxing a letter bomb.
*UNC is the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill. Specializing in a wide range of degree programs including: B.A. A.H.F.(Advanced Hamburger Flipping), A.P.E., B.R.C. (Bar Room Conversations), etc. Institution was founded in 1898 for sons/daughters of local Chapel Still politicians that were unable to qualify for the more prestigious institutions of higher learning such as Duke, Wake Forest, and N.C. State.
Where Will They Stand? Congress and Religious Freedom
October 20, 2006
Many political pundits see this year's mid-term elections as a defining moment. How will the next Congress deal with contentious issues like stem-cell research, judges, immigration reform, Iraq? But it's a pivotal election for another reason as well. What will our leaders in Washington do about the erosion of religious liberty in this country?
As Mark Earley and I have discussed this week, American Christians need to wake up to the growing threats to religious freedom. The evidence is everywhere.
Just last year, for example, the University of Wisconsin Eau Claire barred resident assistants (known as RAs) from leading Bible studies in dorm rooms—even though the Bible studies were private activities, not some mandatory dorm-sponsored event. Yet the administration said, "Some residents might not feel that these RAs are approachable because of their strong faith." The mandate was blatantly unconstitutional, and laughably ironic. The year before the administration had commended another RA for hosting the Vagina Monologues as a residence-hall event. Nobody questioned that a play with vulgar themes, strong anti-male bias, and an unmasked pro-lesbian agenda might make RAs unapproachable.
In the end, the administration backed down, but not without illustrating a jarring double-standard when it comes to evangelical Christians.
Earlier this year, the InnerChange Freedom Initiative®, called IFI, the faith-based prison program in Iowa launched by Prison Fellowship, was sued by Americans United for Separation of Church and State. A federal judge in Iowa ruled that IFI was an unconstitutional violation of the establishment clause.
Now let's see, what are we talking about here? Inmates volunteer for the program; they can leave at any time; they can be of any or no faith; and they are not required to convert to graduate from the program. On top of that, the religious element of IFI is privately funded, and the program itself is proven to reduce re-incarceration rates to 8 percent. Whose rights are being violated?
But to make matters worse, the judge drew on supposed "expert testimony" that caricatured evangelical Christianity as a narrow-minded, coercive cult by nature. The judge ruled that it is virtually impossible for a Christian group to perform any public service without proselytizing. His ruling, if upheld, jeopardizes the rights of thousands of Christian groups who offer social services.
Even more jarring is the judge's unprecedented decision to require IFI to repay $1.5 million that the Iowa Department of Corrections paid for secular services rendered by IFI. The state of Iowa does not even want the money back. Yet this decision, if upheld on appeal, signals to all faith-based groups that they are vulnerable not just to litigation, but also to the threat of having to repay the government for services rendered in good faith. The results could be catastrophic, not only for religious organizations from soup kitchens to hospitals to schools, but also to the hundreds of thousands of people who depend on their services.
Look, the bottom line is this: Christians cannot afford to be silent about issues of religious freedom this election season. We must let candidates know that religious freedom is an issue that is vitally important to us. If we don't speak up now, we may find out that we will not be able to speak out in the future.
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Murphy's Technology Law #1: You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
Murphy's Technology Law #2: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Murphy's Technology Law #3: Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
Murphy's Technology Law #4: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
Murphy's Technology Law #5: An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he/she knows absolutely everything about nothing.
Murphy's Technology Law #6: Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch to be sure.
Murphy's Technology Law #7: All great discoveries are made by mistake.
Murphy's Technology Law #8: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
Murphy's Technology Law #9: All's well that ends... period.
Murphy's Technology Law #10: A meeting is an event at which minutes are kept and hours are lost.
Murphy's Technology Law #11: The first myth of management is that it exists.
Murphy's Technology Law #12: A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection.
Murphy's Technology Law #13: New systems generate new problems.
Murphy's Technology Law #14: To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
Murphy's Technology Law #15: We don't know one-millionth of one percent about anything.
Murphy's Technology Law #16: Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
Murphy's Technology Law #17: A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.
And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called 'Amazon Dot Com.'
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.
But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.
And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."
And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known "eBay" he said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."
And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"YAHOO," said Abraham.
And that is how it all began. It wasn't Al Gore after all.