Now here's a memory for your summer vacation scrapbook. You got kissed by a dolphin. No thank you. But it happens to people every day at Sea World, this park where you can see whales and fish and seals do these amazing tricks. Those dolphins are really something. They will jump through hoops (I wish we could get kids to do that), they'll dance on their tails, and oh yeah, did I mention jumping out of the water and kissing tourists? But if you want to understand why they do all this neat stuff, you have to watch what they do after each trick. They swim around the pool and straight for the guy with the bag. You know what's in that bag. Fish! Yummy fish! If you want a dolphin to do something, give him a fish and he'll do it again! Men are a lot like that...
An Irishman, a Mexican and a UNC grad were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said:
"Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I'm going to jump off this building."
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed: "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off too."
The UNC grad opened his lunch and said: "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I'm jumping too."
Next day - the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The redneck opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also.
At the funeral - The Irishman's wife is weeping. She says, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also weeps and says: "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the UNC grad's wife.
"Hey, don't look at me," she said, "He makes his own lunch!"