Josh was helping Sally, a UNC* student, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled "Emergency Repair Kit".
Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange even for a UNC student, he asked Sally what it was for.
She said, "It's part of my emergency repair kit."
Josh said, "I can see that, but why?"
Sally replied, "In case I have a flat and need to blow up one of my tires..."
Comment & Forward>>>
*Permission is hereby granted for you to change all humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought & Humor' and its subsidiaries related to the institution of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another of your choice from the list below:
1) French university students 2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley 3) Any accredited high school or middle school 4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits 5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops 6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring to NCSU, JSU, MSU, USC, UGA, or FSU. 7) It is against international law to transmute any jocoseness found in this newspaper to any school if their mascot is the Wolfpack. If attempts are made, your computer will automatically notify the FBI, CIA, and the KGB and you will be charged with... "performing an illegal operation".
* The word winter comes from an old Germanic word that means "time of water" and refers to the rain and snow - as well as low temperatures - of the season in middle and high latitudes. In the Northern Hemisphere, it is commonly regarded as extending from the winter solstice (the year's shortest day), December 21 or 22, to the vernal equinox, the start of Spring. The word winter came into English c 888.
* Dormant comes from the Latin word dormire 'to sleep,' and its original meaning was sleeping, literally or figuratively. Dormant and dormancy later were used to describe plants and seeds as well as animals, especially during the winter season.
* Fire is often associated with winter, for its great contribution to keeping us warm. The English word has many cognates (words related by descent from the same ancestral language) in the Germanic languages and corresponds to Greek, Umbrian, Armenian, and Sanskrit terms. Originally, the word described emotion and passion; by 1300, it described one of the four "elements" (with earth, wind, water). The spelling fire was first recorded around 1200, but it did not become fully established until the early 1600s.
* The word hibernate derives from the Latin terms hibernare 'to winter,' from hiberna 'winter quarters' and hibernus 'wintry.' Erasmus Darwin, grandfather of Charles Darwin, first used the word in 1802, according to Noah Webster.
* Ice has cognates in Germanic languages and is ultimately from Proto-Germanic. Beowulf used an Old English form of it around 723. Freeze has a similar background and its sense of chill or be chilled was first used in a phrase meaning, "It is so cold that water turns to ice."
* The word skate was originally plural and comes from Dutch schaats, which derived from an Old French word for 'stilt' but the connection is unclear. Skate appeared in English in the mid-seventeenth century. Ski, in English by 1755, was borrowed from Norwegian, and ultimately from Old Norse for 'snowshoe.' And sled came from Flemish and Germanic sledde between 1325-1388 for a 'vehicle for transporting heavy goods' and is related to sledge and sleigh.
* Snow is of Teutonic in origin, from an Indo-European root shared by the Latin words niv-/nix and Greek nipha. The spelling snow first appeared in English around 1200.
* The solstice is one of the two times of year when the Sun's apparent path is farthest north or south from the Earth's equator. In the Northern Hemisphere, the winter solstice is on December 21 or 22. The situation is exactly the opposite in the Southern Hemisphere, where the winter solstice is on June 21 or 22. The word solstice is from Latin solstitium, from sol 'sun' and sistere 'to stand still,' as it is regard- ed as a point at which the Sun seems to stand still. The word was first used in English around 1250.
A woman was out driving with her husband. She was speeding along about fifty when a motorcycle cop appeared alongside and indicated for her to pull over.
The cop looked at her and said, "Hmmm...I'm going to put you down for fifty-five."
She turned to her husband. "See! I told you this hat makes me look old."
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
A jeweler standing behind the counter of his shop after hours was astounded to see a suspicious looking man come hurling headfirst through the window.
"What on earth are you up to? What happened?!" he demanded.
"I'm terribly sorry," said the man, "I forgot to let go of the brick."
'Thought & Humor' - often polemical but never tasteless/unrefined/uncouth/ribald.
This guy is sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making bully steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The bully says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Tell ya what, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. Today day is the worst of my life. First, I overslept
and was late to an important meeting. My boss was outrageous and fired me. When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said they could do nothing. I got a cab to return home, paid the cab driver, and the cab drove off. It was then I found that I left my wallet in the cab. I finally got home only to find a note that my wife had run off with another man. I left home and came to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison..."