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Thursday

 

Prison Escape -
Jail Break





"Three convicts escape from prison. They make it
to
a nearby town but are confronted by a policeman.

"Hey, aren't you those three escaped convicts?",
asked the policeman.

Thinking on his feet the first convict looked around
him and said "no, I'm Mark, Mark Spencer",

The second followed his lead and said "My names
is
William, W H Smith".

The third-a UNC grad-said "My name is Ken.....
Tucky Fried Chicken."





Comments:
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He sidles up to the bar and announces:

"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
  .comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
A HANDY POCKET-SIZE EXCUSE LIST

I'd love to but...

The man on television told me to stay tuned.
It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.
I'm building a real 747 from a kit.
I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.
I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.
I'm attending the opening of my garage door.
I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.
I've come down with a really horrible case of something or other.
My plot to take over the world is thickening.
I have to fulfill my potential.
It's too close to the turn of the century.
I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.
I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.
I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.
I promised to help a friend fold road maps.
I'm trying to be less popular.
I have to study for a blood test.
I have to rotate my crops.
I prefer to remain an enigma.
I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.
  .comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
Notable quotables:

* "The empires of the future are the empires of the mind."
--Winston Churchill

* "No army can withstand the strength of an idea whose time
has come." --Victor Hugo

* "Nothing is more dangerous than an idea when it is the only
one you have." --Emilé Chartier

* "The most dangerous person in the world is a person who is
right and knows he's right." -- Ray C. Stedman

* "God is interested in an actual transformation in us, not
merely in a doctrinal transformation." --Watchman Nee

* "If you are not right with God, you can turn your mind
nowhere but on yourself." --Oswald Chambers

* "There's nothing like a little isolation to amplify any
problem." --James M. Williams

* "In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not
getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."
--Oscar Wilde

* "All learning is a result of failed expectations."
--anonymous

* "Discovery consists of looking at the same thing as
everyone else and thinking something different."
--Albert Szent-Gyˆrgyi

* "God's most spectacular miracles are quiet, in the heart."
--David Sanford

* "We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark;
the real tragedy of life is when adults are afraid of
the light." --Plato
  .comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
My friend George, an ex-Marine Aviator, wanted to show-off his
new twin engine plane. I was riding along as he put it through
its paces. Suddenly, we were caught in a violent thunderstorm,
with lightning crashing all around us, we lost the radio and
most of the instruments.

As we were being tossed around in the sky, George said, "Shoot!"
Fearing the worst, I asked, "What's wrong now?"
George replied, "I got the hiccups. Do something to scare me."



===============


As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is
formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the
work of God, the Maker of all things. --Ecclesiastes 11
  .comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
The very first interactive computer game was built in 1958 by Willy
Higinbotham, a researcher at the Brookhaven National Lab. He used an
analog computer and a tiny, five-inch (13 cm) circular screen.

The screen showed an upside down "T", with a moving dot that bounced
like a tennis ball under the influence of gravity. Each player could
hit the "ball" by pressing a button, and could control the angle of
the hit by turning a knob. The screen was a side view of a tennis
court, and the ball's path was modeled complete with gravity and friction.

Higginbotham's simple game was the first to use a computer and a
graphic display. It was not a true video game, because it used an
analog oscilloscope display instead of a video screen. His machine
was soon disassembled, but it was the seed for what later became a
huge industry.

Pong, the first commercially successful video game:
http://www.classicgaming.com/museum/pong.shtml
  .comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
UNC - Final Exam

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree
that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when
placed on blocks in your front yard?
A) '66 Ford Fairlane
_____
B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
_____|LI|_\\__
C) '64 Pontiac GTO
[ _ [^ _ `)
D) '74 Gremlin
`"""(_)"""""(_)~

3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20
gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary
to condense the product?

4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm.
The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470
per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter
is 14 inches. How many Budweiser Tall-Boys will it take to cut the trees?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of
R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers
with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch
length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When
the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an
average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the
children place a mobile home on the man's land?

8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a
steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given
the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will
swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the
mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that
swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields?

9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area.
The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued
at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels
will be smoked during the shift?

10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs
shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?





===============



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(Not amalgamated with 'Thought & Humor')



===============



Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.



===============

"How to Be Sure You're
a REAL Christian"
1-888-NEED-HIM
(24/7 - free call)
  .comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
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President Lincoln

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America - Why I Love Her

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Is Jesus God?

Statement Of What Howdy Believes!!!

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The Relationship of the Church to Israel

Just For Guys

Church History

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Music That Howdy Enjoys



Military Music

Blueberry Hill

Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring

JOHANN SEBASTIAN BACH)

A Taste Of Honey - clip

(I Left My Heart) In San Francisco - clip

Take The 'A' Train - clip

Hello, Dolly! - clip

Peggy Sue - clip

Theme From Peter Gunn - clip

Song from Moulin Rouge

Malagueña

Ebb Tide

Tara's Theme from Gone with the Wind

Around the World in 80 Days

Breakfast at Tiffany's

Charade

The Way We Were

You Do Something to Me

SWonderful

Adios

A Foggy Day

Amor

Anna

Arrivederci Roma

Theme from Moulin Rouge II

Stardust - Big Band

Bolero

Brazil

Rhapsody in Blue

Sleepy Lagoon

My Foolish Heart

Lisbon Antigua

La Mer

April in Portugal

Because of You

Poor People of Paris

Unchained Melody

Stranger on the Shore

Solace

Maple Leaf Rag

Voices of Spring

Radetzky March

Water Music (Excerpt) George Frideric Handel

Finale - William Tell Overture

Overture - My Fair Lady

The Rain in Spain

The Lonely Bull - Herb Alpert

Tijuana Taxi - Herb Alpert

The Happy Whistler

So Rare

Mona Lisa

Ghost Riders in the Sky

Walk, Don't Run

Wonderland by Night

Canadian Sunset

Blue Tango

The Happy Wanderer

Down Yonder

Midnight in Moscow

Crazy Medley

Tequila

That's for Me

Quiet Village

Harbor Lights

Dueling Banjoes II

Autumn Leaves

My Foolish Heart

Don't Know Much

I WALK THE LINE

EL PASO

TENNESSEE WALTZ

STAND BY YOUR MAN

Close To You

Rainy Days & Mondays

Sing A Song

Yesterday Once More

We've Only Just Begun

Goodbye To Love

Only You

As Time Goes By

As Time Goes By II

As Time Goes By - Original

After Loving

San Francisco

Stranger In Paradise

Mrs. Howdy

Rags To Riches

The Good Life

Hello Dolly

All Of Me

Thank Heaven For Little Girls

Beyond The Sea

Everybody Loves

Return To Me

That's Amore

Autumn Leaves

Love Me With All Your Heart

If I Give My Heart To You

Autumn Leaves II

Autumn Leaves III

See The USA

My Prayer

You Always Hurt

Take Me Out To The Ballgame

Love Me Tender

Its Now Or Never

Old Shep

Dont Be Cruel

When I Fall In Love

When I Fall In Love II

When I Fall In Love III

A Fool Such As I

You'll Never Know

Fascination

I'm Yours

Wish You Were Here

Lady Of Spain

CanadianSunset

It's Magic

Secret Love

This Magic Moment

My Prayer

Twilight Time

Great Pretender

Harbor Lights

Little Darlin'

Wanted

No Other Love

Magic Moments

Till The End Of Time

Dont Let The Stars

Overture - Barber of Seville

Back In The Saddle

You Always Hurt

When I Fall

When A Man

True Love

Sincerely

Sweetheart

In The Mood

A Taste Of Honey

The Lonely Bull

Lollipops And Roses

This Guys In Love With You

What Now My Love

Three Coins In The Fountain

You've Gotta Have Heart

HeartOfMyHeart

Stranger In Paradise II

Love Is...

Unforgettable

Georgia On My Mind

Sentimental Over You

Thanks For The Memories

Too Young

Because

Never On Sunday

Yellow Rose Of Texas

Windy

My Little Corner

Speak Low

Moments To Remember

HernandosHideaway

Be My Love

Embassy Waltz

Misty

A Certain Smile

Chances Are

Not For Me To Say

Stranger On The Shore

I'll Be Seeing You

Cherry Pink

Downtown

Moonlight Serenade

Last Date

Naughty Lady

Til I Kissed You

All I Have To Do Is Dream

Dixie Land Band

Ghost Riders In The Sky

The Happy Wanderer

Lollipops

Santa Catalina

Band Of Gold

Auld Lang Syne

The Wayward Wind

P.S. I Love You

Harbor Lights

Ebb Tide

Lime Light

Green Door

My Heart Cries

Down Yonder

Silvana Mangano Anna

Does Your Chewing Gum?

Grand Night For Singing

Purple People Eater

Orange Blossom Special

I'll Get By

'Til Then

Katie At UNC

Love Letters

As Time Goes By

Cheek To Cheek

Mission Impossible

The Way You Look Tonight

Frenesi

Glad To Be An American

Battle Hymn Of The Republic

How Great Thou Art

Have Thine Own Way

Beyond The Sunset

Amazing Grace

He's Got The Whole World

Peace In The Valley

How Great Thou Art II

Stars & Stripes Forever

Tennessee Waltz

Beverly Hillbillies Theme

El Paso

Happy Trails

Big John

Sixteen Tons

Which Doctor?

Wonderful! Wonderful!

Misty

Gina

Colombo

Daniel Boone

Davy Crockett

Dick VanDyke

Donna Reed

Father Knows Best

Gilligan

Gomer Pile

Gunsmoke

Have Gun

Hawaii Five-O

Hogans Heroes

Do.Not.Forsake.Me

MyPrayer

Hopalong

Howdy

Lucy

Lassie

Law & Order

Lone Ranger

Magnificent 7

Magnum

Man From Uncle

Dobie

Maverick

Mickey

Mission I

Mr. Ed

My 3 Sons

Raw Hide

Real McCoys

Rifle Man

Secret Agent

Simon & Simon

Smothers

Spencer

StarTrek

Super Man

ThatGirl

Tonight

T-Zone

Untouchable

WagonTrain

Walton

WildWest

77

Ozzie

Andy

Beverly

Bonanza

Car.5.4

Victory I

NKC-Perfidia

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Mr. Sandman

Only The Lonely

Beyond The Sea

Pachelbel

Magnificent 7

Magnificent 7 - II

Rawhide

I Walk The Line




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Verse of the Day



* * * Four Important Things To KNOW: #1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned & fall short of the glory of God. #2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal separation from God, & damnation) but the Gift (free & at no charge to you) of God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in union with) Jesus Christ (God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah, Prince of Peace & Savior of the World). #3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up His only begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone, anywhere, anytime - while still living) believes (trust in, relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven). #4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE. No one (male/female - American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian, European, Baptist, Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives) to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through) ME (no other name). *** This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - - (Rev. 3:20) {Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good things, etc. are not requirements for becoming a Christian - however they are great afterwards!!!} *** Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction (Hell, damnation, eternal punishment), and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness, forever with God), and only a few find it.


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P U R P O S E
But these are written so that you may
believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the
Son of God, and that by believing in
Him you will have life. Jn 20:31

Seek the Lord while He may be found;
call on Him while He is near. Let the
wicked forsake his way and the evil
man his thoughts. Let him turn to the
Lord, and He will have mercy on him,
and to our God, for He will freely
pardon. "For My thoughts are not
your thoughts, neither are your ways
My ways," declares the Lord. "As the
heavens are higher than the earth, so
are My ways higher than your ways
and My thoughts than your thoughts.
As the rain and the snow come down
from heaven, and do not return to it
without watering the earth and making
it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed
for the sower and bread for the eater,
so is My word that goes out from My
mouth: It will not return to Me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire and
achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
You will go out in joy and be led forth
in peace; the mountains and hills will
burst into song before you, and all the
trees of the field will clap their hands.
Instead of the thornbush will grow the
pine tree, and instead of briers the myrtle
will grow. This will be for the Lord's
renown, for an everlasting sign, which
will not be destroyed." Is 55

O Lord, you have searched me and you
know me. You know when I sit and when
I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying
down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know
it completely, O Lord. You hem me in -
behind and before; you have laid your
hand upon me. Such knowledge is too
wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where
can I flee from your presence? If I go up
to the heavens, you are there; if I make
my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide
me and the light become night around
me," even the darkness will not be dark
to you; the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you. For you
created my inmost being; you knit me
together in my mother's womb. I praise
you because I am fearfully and wonderfully
made; your works are wonderful, I know
that full well. My frame was not hidden
from you when I was made in the secret
place. When I was woven together in the
depths of the earth, your eyes saw my
unformed body. All the days ordained
for me were written in your book before
one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts,
O God! How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would
outnumber the grains of sand. When
I awake, I am still with you. Search me,
O God, and know my heart; test me
and know my anxious thoughts. See
if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Ps 139

But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up,
that I may show My power in you, and that My
Name may be declared in all the earth. Ex 9:16


When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small:
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.
- - Isaac Watts


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