This Blog -
Moved To:
http://professor-howdy.blogspot.com/

Things That Take Years to Learn
----------------------------------

The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number
of helicopters in it.

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual
baby emerging from her at that moment.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that,
deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race
has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that
word would be "meetings."


===============


Accountants don't die they just lose their balance.


===============


Ah, Sovereign Lord, You have made the heavens and the earth by
Your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for
You. --Jeremiah 32


===============



Must Be True -- I Read it on the Internet
------------------------------------

I was on my way to the post office to pick up my case of free M&M's
(sent to me because I forwarded an e-mail to five other people,
celebrating the fact that the year 2000 was "MM" in Roman
numerals), when I ran into a friend whose neighbor, a young man,
was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of
Kentucky Fried Chicken (which is predictable, since as everyone
knows, there's no actual chicken in Kentucky Fried Chicken, which
is why the government made them change their name to KFC).

Anyway, one day this guy went to sleep and when he awoke he was in
his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over and
when he got out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEY HAD BEEN
STOLEN.He saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" but he was
afraid to use his phone because it was connected to his computer,
and there was a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard
drive if he opened an e-mail entitled "Join the crew!"

He knew it wasn't a hoax because he himself was a computer
programmer who was working on software to prevent a global disaster
in which all the computers get together and distribute the $250.00
Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe under the leadership of Bill Gates.
(It's true - I read it all last week in a mass e-mail from BILL
GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising me a free Disney World
vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the e-mail to everyone I know.)

The poor man then tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his
missing kidneys, but a voice on the line first asked him to press
#90, which unwittingly gave the bandit full access to the phone
line at the guy's expense.Then reaching into the coin-return slot
he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped
a note that said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS."

Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital - the one where
that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last wish
is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the American
Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every e-mail he
receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a bunch of x's
and o's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and forward it to
more than 10 people, you will have good luck but for only 10 people
you will only have OK luck and if you send it to fewer than 10
people you will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS).

So anyway the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but
on the way he noticed another car driving without its lights on. To
be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as
part of a gang initiation.

Send THIS to all the friends who send you their mail and you will
receive 4 green M&Ms -- if you don't, the owner of Proctor and
Gamble will report you to his Satanist friends and you will have
more bad luck: you will get sick from the Sodium Laureth Sulfate in
your shampoo, your spouse will develop a skin rash from using the
antiperspirant which clogs the pores under your arms, and the U.S.
government will put a tax on your e-mails forever.

I know this is all true 'cause I read it on the Internet.




===============


Dr. Willis finished examining Matilda and went
into the hallway to talk to her husband Bernie.

"I don't want to alarm you," he said to Bernie,
"but I don't like the way your wife looks at all."

"Me neither, Doc." replied Bernie. "But she's
a great cook and real good with the kids."
  .comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

A civil servant is badly hurt, after falling down the stairs at city
hall. He is taken to the hospital where he remains in a coma for
several days.

Finally, an eye opens and his doctor tells him, "My friend, I
have bad news and I have good news. First of all, you will
never be able to work again."

"Okay," muttered the injured bureaucrat. "What's the bad news?"



===============


Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for
telephone companies, and when you turn on the
radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you
get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?


===============




Lee: I caught a big fish yesterday and threw it back into
the water.

Ben: Why?

Lee: because our frying pan is too small and it wouldn't
fit in it.
  .comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

How we know you are a Yankee.

You don't think Ted Kennedy has an accent.

You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-n-knife show.

You think more money should go to important scientific research at your
university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.

You don't have at least one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.

The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on
an on-ramp to the highway.

You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.

You call binoculars opera glasses.

You call a soft drink "Pop".

You've never eaten grits or okra.
  .comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

UNC Vocabulary Test

Tangent:
A man who spends a lot of time at the beach

Rubberneck:
What you do for your wife after she has had a stressful day

Gator-Aide:
Welfare for crocodiles

Liposuction:
Letting the fat out of the bag.

Locate:
Nickname for a short girl named Catherine.

Slow Down:
Feathers from the chest of a not-so-fast goose

Versatile:
Poetry on the roof.

Hunger:
What the posse did to the lady rustler



===============


Dear Howdy, Indeed I am a faithful Tarheel*, having both
MA and Ph.D. from their fine chemistry department.
But that doesn't keep me from getting a great kick out
of the humor propagated by what appears to me to be
a pack of wolves!!**


SERIOUSLY, THE HUMOR IS GREAT FUN BUT MY
MAIN ATTRACTION WAS TO THE CONSERVATIVE
MORAL AND POLITICAL STANCE THAT SEEMED
TO CHARACTERIZE THE FIRST ISSUE I SAW.
INCIDENTALLY (HE SAYS ACCIDENTALLY!), it was
sent to me by a friend, so I really didn't "hear about
you" at all, and still haven't. All I know is what has
come in the two issues of the Newsletter
I have seen. The best to you.
S. P.

*Another name for UNC.
** UNC's archrival - NCSU.

===============




Most of the things floating around the Web
are hoaxes. There are many sites where
you can check out weird or scary
e-mails. Here are three:
http://hoaxbusters.ciac.org
http://www.snopes.com
http://www.symantec.com/avcenter/hoax.html



===============


"Not being on the air, that's not important. But I'd like
to be in the newsroom helping set the agenda."

Retired CBS Anchorman Walter Cronkite

{Dear Walter, Fair news knows no agenda - Howdy}


===============



Q) Did you hear about the UNC student who went
to the automotive store to ask for a new dipstick?

A) Yeah, the one in her car didn't reach the oil!



===============




A man who lived in the great state of North Carolina grounded his
youngster for 2 weeks for doing a dastardly deed so the boy decided
to run away...

He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and
announced, "That's it! I'm outta here... I'm running away from home!"

Amused, his Dad asked, "What if you get hungry, Benny?"

"Well, I'll come home and eat!" the boy said bravely.

"I see... And what if you run out of cash?"

"Then I'll come home and get some!" readily replied the six year old.

"What if your clothes get dirty?"

"Then I'll come home and let Mommy wash them," was the reply.

The man shook his head, "Benny, tell me again, are you running
away from home or are you going off to UNC?"
  .comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

http://www.barna.org/FlexPage.aspx?Page=BarnaUpdateNarrowPreview&BarnaUpdateID=238
May 15, 2006

(Ventura, CA) – Dan Brown’s novel, The Da Vinci Code , has sold more copies than any other fictional work in U.S. history. With the release of the movie adaptation on May 19, interest in this controversial tale has risen substantially.

A new nationwide survey by The Barna Group says that the book has impacted millions of lives – but perhaps not in the way that many Christians have imagined.

Broad Reach

According to the Barna research, The Da Vinci Code has been read “cover to cover” by roughly 45 million adults in the U.S. – that’s one out of every five adults (20%). That makes it the most widely read book with a spiritual theme, other than the Bible, to have penetrated American homes.

The audience profile of the book is intriguing. Despite critical comments and warnings from the Catholic hierarchy, American Catholics are more likely than Protestants to have read it (24% versus 15%, respectively). Among Protestants, those associated with a mainline church are almost three times more likely than those associated with non-mainline Protestant congregations to have read the book. Upscale individuals – i.e., those with a college degree and whose household income exceeds $60,000 – are nearly four times more likely to have read the book than are “downscale” people (i.e., those without a college degree and whose household income is $30,000 or less).

Perceived Value of the Content

Among the adults who have read the entire book, one out of every four (24%) said the book was either “extremely,” “very,” or “somewhat” helpful in relation to their “personal spiritual growth or understanding.” That translates to about 11 million adults who consider The Da Vinci Code to have been a helpful spiritual document.

To place that figure in context, the Barna study revealed that another recently published popular novel about Jesus Christ – Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt , written by Anne Rice – was deemed to be spiritually helpful by 72% of its readers – three times the proportion who lauded Dan Brown’s book.

Changing People’s Beliefs

The study also explored whether or not the book caused people to change some of their religious beliefs. Among the 45 million who have read The Da Vinci Code , only 5% - which represents about two million adults – said that they changed any of the beliefs or religious perspectives because of the book’s content.

“Before reading The Da Vinci Code people had a full complement of beliefs already in place, some firmly held and others loosely held,” explained George Barna, the author of numerous books about faith and culture. “Upon reading the book, many people encountered information that confirmed what they already believed. Many readers found information that served to connect some of their beliefs in new ways. But few people changed their pre-existing beliefs because of what they read in the novel. And even fewer people approached the book with a truly open mind regarding the controversial matters in question, and emerged with a new theological perspective. The book generates controversy and discussions, but it has not revolutionized the way that Americans think about Jesus, the Church or the Bible.”

“On the other hand,” the researcher continued, “any book that alters one or more theological views among two million people is not to be dismissed lightly. That’s more people than will change any of their beliefs as a result of exposure to the teaching offered at all of the nation’s Christian churches combined during a typical week.”

The people most likely to have altered their religious views in response to the book’s content were Hispanics (17% of those who read the book), women (three times more likely than male readers to do so), and liberals (twice as likely as conservatives). Upscale adults were also much more likely than downscale individuals to shift their thinking based on the novel.

The Movie: A Blockbuster?

Industry observers expect the movie to be a hit. But how big of a hit is it likely to be? And what degree of influence is the movie likely to have?

The Barna study indicates that more than 30 million adults are likely to pay for a ticket to see the film – unless the early buzz regarding the film is negative. The company estimates that the movie is poised to break the $300 million box office barrier, based on the current level and intensity of interest expressed by adults. Reaching that plateau would place the movie among the top 20 movies of all-time based upon domestic box office gross revenue.

The statistics reveal that two out of every three people who are likely to see the movie have already read the book. That means more than 10 million adults who have not yet read the book are likely to journey to a theater to see the film.

Barna noted that if the movie has a similar level of influence on movie-goers as the book has had on adult readers, then about a half-million adults could be expected to change one or more of their religious beliefs based upon the movie’s content. The most significant impact, he noted, could well be on the young people who see the movie, since their belief systems are still in the process of development and are more susceptible to new teachings. Barna also mentioned the potential effect of the DVD on millions more people who do not see the movie in the theater, but rent or buy it for home viewing after the theatrical run is completed. “We know that in a home setting, young people frequently watch movies over and over, memorizing lines and absorbing ideas that they might not have caught during their first viewing.” He also stated that some studies have shown that movies have greater “stickiness” with information than do print materials, possibly making the movie even more influential than the book in terms of long-term impact on people’s spiritual development.

The Barna survey also indicates that the audience segments most likely to attend the movie are people under 35; Catholics; Hispanics; and political liberals. On the spiritual side, people who are not born again Christians are almost twice as likely to see the movie as are people whose beliefs classify them as “born again.”

Research Details

The data in this report are based on interviews with 1003 adults from across the nation. These telephone surveys were conducted by The Barna Group, during May 2006, based upon a random sample of people 18 years of age and older living within the 48 continental states. The maximum margin of sampling error associated with the aggregate sample of adults is ±3.2 percentage points at the 95% confidence level. In the research, the distribution of survey respondents corresponded to the geographic dispersion of the U.S. population. Multiple callbacks were used to increase the probability of including a reliable distribution of qualified individuals.

“Born again Christians” are defined as people who said they have made a personal commitment to Jesus Christ that is still important in their life today and who also indicated they believe that when they die they will go to Heaven because they had confessed their sins and had accepted Jesus Christ as their savior. Respondents were not asked to describe themselves as “born again.”

The Barna Group, Ltd. (which includes its research division, The Barna Research Group) is a privately held, for-profit corporation that conducts primary research, produces media resources pertaining to spiritual development, and facilitates the healthy spiritual growth of leaders, children, families and Christian ministries. Located in Ventura, California, Barna has been conducting and analyzing primary research to understand cultural trends related to values, beliefs, attitudes and behaviors since 1984. If you would like to receive free e-mail notification of the release of each new, weekly update on the latest research findings from The Barna Group, you may subscribe to this free service at the Barna website www.barna.org
  .comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}