"Nucleo predicus dispella conducticus." (Remove foil before microwaving.)
"Motorolus interruptus." (Hold on, I'm going into a tunnel.)
"Revelare Pecunia!" (Show Me The Money!)
"Ignoramus microsoftis multa pecunia dat." (Yeah, where DO I want to go today??)
"Sic semper tyrannus." (Your dinosaur is ill.)
"No Quid Pro Quo." (I'm Sorry, We're All Out of Quid.)
"Nunc Tutus Exitus Computarus." (It's Now Safe To Turn Off Your Computer.)
"Veni, Vidi, Velcro" (I came; I saw; I stuck around.)
There is simply no historic foundation for the position that the Framers intended to build the 'wall of separation' that was constitutionalized in Everson. The 'wall of separation be- tween church and state' is a metaphor based on bad history, a metaphor which has proved useless as a guide to judging. It should be frankly and explicitly abandoned. - - - Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court, William Rehnquist
I've changed my mind a dozen times. It seems to work better now.
If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing "Happy Birthday?"
Why does our nose run, and our feet smell?
Before I can retaliate, does someone first have to taliate?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
We have mileage, yardage and footage. Why don't we have inchage?
Are diskettes actually female disks?
If you throw a cat out of a car window, does it become Kitty Litter?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
How did a fool and his money GET together?
What's another word for thesaurus?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
What was the BEST thing before sliced bread?
How come the keyboard doesn't have the "cents" sign?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
Do pilots take crash-courses?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Are dog biscuits made from collie flour?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
If two out of five people suffer from migraines, does that mean three people in five enjoy them?
Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
A UNC student buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Raleigh to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The UNC student says, "I want my $20 million."
The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."
The UNC student said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."
Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
The UNC student, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!"
When Tomorrow Starts Without Me Author Unknown
When tomorrow starts without me, And I'm not there to see; If the sun should rise and find your eyes All filled with tears for me; I wish so much you wouldn't cry The way you did today, While thinking of the many things, We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me, As much as I love you, And each time that you think of me, I know you'll miss me too; But when tomorrow starts without me, Please try to understand, That an angel came and called my name, And took me by the hand, And said my place was ready, In heaven far above, And that I'd have to leave behind All those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away, A tear fell from my eye, For all my life, I'd always thought, I didn't want to die. I had so much to live for, So much yet to do, It seemed almost impossible, That I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays, The good ones and the bad, I thought of all the love we shared, And all the fun we had.
If I could relive yesterday, Just even for awhile, I'd say good-bye and kiss you And maybe see you smile. But then I fully realized, That this could never be, For emptiness and memories, Would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things, I might miss come tomorrow, I thought of you, and when i did, My heart was filled with sorrow. But when I walked through heaven's gates, I felt so much at home. When God looked down and smiled at me, From His great golden throne, He said "This is eternity, And all I've promised you." Today for life on earth is past, But here it starts anew. I promise no tomorrow, But today will always last, And since each day's the same way There's no longing for the past.
But you have been so faithful, So trusting and so true in My Son. Though there were times you did some things, You knew you shouldn't do. But you have been forgiven And now at last you're free. So won't you take my hand And share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts without me, Don't think we're far apart, For every time you think of me, I'm right here, in your heart.
Only one life 'twill soon be past. Only what's done for Christ will last. For me to live is Christ and to die is gain!
[The Lord says,] "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." --Isaiah 41:10
A policeman pulled a car driven by a UNC grad over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition. "What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.
"Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license," he answered.
"Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."
At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"