Match the words in the left-hand column with the correct definition in the right-hand column. 1. edulcorate ........ A. Loathsome. 2. peregrination ... B. Conspicuously and outrageously bad. 3. rantipole .......... C. Holding something in trust for another. 4. excoriate ......... D. To free from harshness. 5. wlatsome ......... E. Everlasting, eternal. 6. caitiff .............. F. To express strong disapproval of. 7. fiduciary ......... G. A wild, rambunctious young man. 8. rosorial .......... H. Traveling from place to place; wandering. 9. sempiternal ... I. A mean or cowardly person. 10. egregious .... J. Rubbish, waste.
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People are forever calling me a hypochondriac, and, let me tell you, that makes me sick.
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"I believe the Bible is the best gift God has ever given to man. All the good from the Savior of the world is communicated to us through this book." --Abraham Lincoln
"For we must consider that we shall be as a City upon a hill. The eyes of all people are upon us. So that if we shall deal falsely with our God in this work we have undertaken, and so cause Him to withdraw his present help from us, we shall be made a story and a byword throughout the world." --John Winthrop, Governor of the Massachusetts Bay Colony, 1630
"America was born a Christian nation. America was born to exemplify that devotion to the elements of righteousness, which are derived from the revelations of Holy Scriptures. Part of the destiny of Americans lies in their daily perusal of this great book of revelations. That if they would see America free and pure they will make their own spirits free and pure by this baptism of the Holy Spirit." --Woodrow Wilson
"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians; not on religions, but on the gospel of Jesus Christ. For this very reason peoples of other faiths have been afforded asylum, prosperity, and freedom of worship here." --Patrick Henry, original member of the Continental Congress
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Q: Why is 'Thought & Humor' so long? A: All newspapers & magazines are long!
Q: What if I can't read all of it? A: Delete it. Most folks don't read every word in every newspaper/magazine either?
Q: Am I required to memorize each article? A: Nope! Delete what you don't have time for or save for another time.
Q: Is 'T & H' Spam? A: No, it's made entirely of ham.
Q: Can I forward to friends & family? A: Please do.
Q: Who is Howdy? A: We let him think he's the boss...
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WORD-MATCH ANSWER KEY
1. edulcorate D. To free from harshness. 2. peregrination H. Traveling from place to place; wandering. 3. rantipole G. A wild, rambunctious young man. 4. excoriate F. To express strong disapproval of. 5. wlatsome A. Loathsome. 6. caitiff I. A mean or cowardly person. 7. fiduciary C. Holding something in trust for another. 8. rosorial J. Rubbish, waste. 9. sempiternal E. Everlasting, eternal. 10. egregious B. Conspicuously and outrageously bad.
A sign over a display of pine boards at HOME DEPOT: "Knotty, but Nice!"
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Permission is hereby granted for you to change all humor used in The"E-Mail Newspaper", 'Thought & Humor' and its subsidiaries related to the institution of lower learning hereby known as UNC to another of your choice from the list below:
1) Any French or German University 2) Harvard or U.C.-Berkeley 3) Any accredited high school or middle school 4) Any Loggerheads & Pundits 5) Any and all persnickety individuals or nincompoops 6) Any Chapel Hill, NC Citizen unless same sends an offspring to Duke, NCSU, JSU, Villanova, MSU or Florida State.
When I was a kid, we walked 10 miles to school every day, sometimes in the rain or snow. Man, did we feel stupid when we found out there was a bus.
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"Thought & Humor" is now read in all 50 States, 61 Countries, ALL 7 Continents, many Island Nations, Oxford, Cambridge, every Ivy League School & all major American Universities including UNC!!!
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My friend Judy was working at the Chapel Hill Inn when she answered a call for information about the inn. After finishing the conversation, Judy stepped away from the desk.
When the phone rang again, a UNC student intern took the call.
"I forgot to ask something." the caller said, "How are the rooms appointed?"
"Well, six of them are appointed west," the student said, "and the rest are appointed east."
Ever wonder how James Bond got his name? James Bond, known to his friends as Jim, was a Philadelphia ornithologist and the author of a book called Birds of the West India.
While the bird-watching book may not have been a bestseller, it did catch the attention of an Englishman named Ian Fleming. At the time, Fleming was living in Jamaica and writing a book of his own. It was the story of an as yet unnamed British secret agent who had the code name 007.
One day, as Fleming was sitting at breakfast looking through his favorite non-fiction tide, he found the perfect name for his hero: Bond, James Bond. Interestingly, the name Bond was not chosen because it was strong, exotic, or even memorable. As Fleming later wrote, "It struck me that this name, brief, unromantic and yet very masculine, was just what I needed." Jim Bond didn't know about his fictional namesake until the early 1960s when he read an interview in which Fleming explained the origin of his character's name.
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One of the reasons for the success of the internet is its open, peer-to-peer nature. All computers on the internet are equal, and in the past it hasn't mattered whether your computer is a 386 in Nguru on the end of a satellite phone or a big monster in a New York rack. If that ever changes, I think we will lose part of the essential, vital character of the internet. Doug Winter
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Dog Dictionary
BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.