By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?"
"No!!" she said in a loud whisper, "The TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE message just flashed up on the screen AND MINE IS IN THE CAR!"
Comment & Forward>>>
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!"
An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!"
In an American history discussion group, the professor was trying to explain how societies ideal of beauty changes with time. "For example," he said, "take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five feet, one inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she'd do in today's version of the contest?"
The class fell silent for a moment. Then one student piped up, "Not very well."
"Why is that?" Asked the professor.
"For one thing," the student pointed out, "She'd be way too old!"
====================== TOP 43 OXYMORON'S:
43. Act naturally 42. Found missing 41. Resident alien 40. Advanced BASIC 39. Genuine imitation 38. Airline Food 37. Good grief 36. Same difference 35. Almost exactly 34. Government organization 33. Sanitary landfill 32. Alone together 31. Alone together 30. Silent scream 29. Living dead 28. Small crowd 27. Business ethics 26. Soft rock 25. Military Intelligence 24. Software documentation 23. New York culture 22. New classic 21. Sweet sorrow 20. Childproof 19. "Now, then ..." 18. Synthetic natural gas 17. Taped live 16. Clearly misunderstood 15. Peace force 14. Extinct Life 13. Temporary tax increase 12. Plastic glasses 11. Terribly pleased 10. Computer security 9. Political science 8. Tight slacks 7. Definite maybe 6. Pretty ugly 5. Diet ice cream 4. Rap music 3. Working vacation 2. Exact estimate
From a 1949 instructional video, Margie Blake learns to make a chocolate cake for her new husband Tim. Watch this clip to see if Tim will be surprised when he returns home from work. Along the way Margie learns some new cooking terms.