A termite walks into the bar and says, "Excuse me, is the bar tender here?"
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Why The World HATES "W": http://xrl.us/done
Tired from all her Willing work of spring And summer's long and Listful nurturing, God's green Earth sees fall As supper time, Where upon fall's harvest She will dine Just before her sleep In winter's breast, Where after supper, finally, She will rest.
DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST! It takes less than a minute . Work this out as you read ... Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out! This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.
1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10)
2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)
3. Add 5
4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator
5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1756 .... If you haven't, add 1755.
6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
You should have a three digit number
The first digit of this was your original number (i.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).
The next two numbers are
YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)
THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2006) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS.
Listen to the audio broadcast! http://www.gospelcom.net/cgi-bin/ramhurl?p=pnm&f=/rhm/sounds/awwy/awwy5013.rm
Maybe you're like me; one of those people who lives in a climate where there are four seasons, where the fall and spring are spectacularly beautiful and where winter is really winter, and summer is really summer. There's probably one change of seasons, then. that is probably anticipated by you more than any other - the end of winter! I've always lived with four seasons. I like them all. I just think one of them lasts a month or two too long. That's why I was so excited during a February ministry trip to South Carolina. Now February is still winter where I was living, but on this February weekend in South Carolina, the trees were starting to bloom! Not only were the flowers out on the trees, but the shorts were even out on the humans! I don't remember seeing dogwood blooming in February! That was early even for the mid-South, but there had been a string of days in the 70s with temperatures that were still mild at night. So those little flowers said to themselves, "Hey, it! 's warm, guys! I guess it's time to bloom!
I'm Ron Hutchcraft and I want to have A Word With You today about "Making it Spring."
Now it happens to trees and flowers; the warmth brings out the beauty. It happens to people, too. There are people who are ready to bloom, ready to blossom if someone would only provide a warm climate for them - maybe you.
There's a wonderful example in our word for today from the Word of God beginning in Acts 9:26, "When Saul came to Jerusalem, he tried to join the disciples, but they were afraid of him, not believing that he was really a disciple." Remember Saul had been a persecutor of Christians. He's come to Christ, but they're having a hard time believing that. So, he is greeted by winter, you might say! It says, "But Barnabas" - now, remember his name means son of encouragement - "took him and brought him to the apostles. He told them how Saul on his journey had seen the Lord and that the Lord had spoken to him, and how in Damascus he had preached fearlessly in the name of Jesus." Here's a warm climate all of a sudden; a touch of spring for Saul! "So Saul stayed with them and moved about freely and spoke boldly in the name of the Lord."
Saul is at a critical point in his new faith. He's ready to blossom into leadership, but he ran into some wintry responses. Everything in his life in the future at that point seemed to depend on someone who would provide a climate of warmth and encouragement; someone who believed in him. Barnabas surrounded this young believer with that kind of warmth, and something beautiful blossomed; someone beautiful blossomed!
There are people in your life who need the same kind of warm environment right now. Maybe it's a child of yours, maybe a friend or a coworker, or someone who is one of the difficult people in your life. It's amazing the difference a little warmth can make in bringing out the beauty in a person!
The problem is we may be offering too much cold and not enough warm. If that person feels condemned, or criticized, or attacked, well don't expect any beauty to emerge. You've made it feel like winter for them and the cold just makes you want to withdraw or be defensive or fight back. And one of the frustrating facts about our relationships is this: the less lovable a person is acting, the more they need your love. Hard, difficult people are often folks who have experienced a lot of wintry treatment from people and some of it may be their own fault. But more cold will not help blossom them into something better. Only warmth will do that.
How about singing up for the Barnabas Club? Make up your mind that you're going to ask God for the grace to regularly affirm that person, to tell them their worth and beauty. Make them feel safe when they're with you. Be the one person who expects the best of them, not the worst.
Actually, that's how Jesus treats us, isn't it? And that kind of love brings out the best in us. Will you love the people around you as Jesus has loved you? They'll never blossom as long as it feels like winter. But if they get from you the warmth of love and encouragement, you can help bring out the beauty inside them. You can be the one who makes it spring for someone!
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"A Word With You" by Ron Hutchcraft is a daily radio challenge, with slice-of-life illustrations and insights - providing practical help on the issues that matter most. If your local Christian radio station does not air "A Word With You," please let them know how much you value this program. Over six years of transcripts are available online, at http://rhm.gospelcom.net/awwy.php
Bert Einstein created this quiz, stating that 98% of people in the world could not solve it. You will be presented with a list of facts, followed by a list of clues that will help you reach the objective at the end of this quiz.
1. There are 5 houses in 5 different colors 2. In each house lives a man with a different nationality. 3. These 5 owners drink a certain beverage, smoke a certain brand of cigar, and keep a certain pet. 4. No owners have the same pet, brand of cigar, or drink.
1. the Brit lives in a red house 2. the Swede keeps a dog 3. the Dane drinks tea 4. the green house is on the left of the white house. 5. the green house owner drinks coffee. 6. the person who smokes pall mall keeps birds. 7. the owner of the yellow house smokes dunhill. 8. the man living in the house right in the center drinks milk 9. the Norwegian lives in the first house. 10. the man who smokes blend lives next to the one who keeps cats 11. the man who keeps horses lives next to the man who smokes dunhill 12. the owner who smokes blue master drinks beer 13. the German smokes prince. 14. the Norwegian lives next to the blue house 15. the man who smokes blend has a neighbor who drinks water.
Who keeps the fish?
Okay, get your thinking caps on & get to work & see if anyone can figure this one out.The answwer is below.
When my wife and I went up to New England a couple of years ago we decided to stay in one of those quaint little inns. The clerk at the inn asked me if we wanted a room with a shower or a tub.
"What's the difference?" I asked.
"Well, sir, in a tub, you can sit down."
Ode to Autumn
Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness, Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun; Conspiring with him how to load and bless With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eaves run; To bend with apples the mossed cottage-trees, And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core; To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells With a sweet kernel; to set budding more, And still more, later flowers for the bees, Until they think warm days will never cease, For Summer has o'er-brimmed their clammy cells.
Who hath not seen thee oft amid thy store? Sometimes whoever seeks abroad may find Thee sitting careless on a granary floor, Thy hair soft-lifted by the winnowing wind; Or on a half-reaped furrow sound asleep, Drowsed with the fume of poppies, while thy hook Spares the next swath and all its twined flowers; And sometimes like a gleaner thou dost keep Steady thy laden head across a brook; Or by a cider-press, with patient look, Thou watchest the last oozings, hours by hours.
Where are the songs of Spring? Ay, where are they? Think not of them, thou hast thy music too,--- While barred clouds bloom the soft-dying day, And touch the stubble-plains with rosy hue; Then in a wailful choir, the small gnats mourn Among the river sallows, borne aloft Or sinking as the light wind lives or dies; And full-grown lambs loud bleat from hilly bourn; Hedge-crickets sing; and now with treble soft The redbreast whistles from a garden-croft, And gathering swallows twitter in the skies. John Keats
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