A highway patrolman stopped a UNC math professor who had been driving at a high rate of speed. He told him that he had been driving 90 miles an hour. He exclaimed, "Why, Officer, that's impossible! I only left my house about 30 minutes ago!"
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Comments:
If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing "Happy Birthday?"
Why does our nose run, and our feet smell?
Before I can retaliate, does someone first have to taliate?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
We have mileage, yardage and footage. Why don't we have inchage?
Are diskettes actually female disks?
If you throw a cat out of a car window, does it become Kitty Litter?
Who pops up the next Kleenex in the box?
How did a fool and his money GET together?
What's another word for thesaurus?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
What was the BEST thing before sliced bread?
How come the keyboard doesn't have the "cents" sign?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
Do pilots take crash-courses?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Are dog biscuits made from collie flour?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
If two out of five people suffer from migraines, does that mean three people in five enjoy them?
Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
UNC freshman's History Exam Answer to the following question: What is your understanding of recent history since World War II.
"Russia got Hungary, ate Turkey, slipped on Greece & broke China."
=============== Please note: If you see a UNC student or a liberal reading 'Thought & Humor', please explain to them which is thought & which is humor. They always get it backwards.......
AMERICA ARCHIVED http://www.archives.gov/ This government site offers access to historic documents. View the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights.
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Newton spent a tremendous amount of time studying the Bible, especially the prophetic portions of Scripture. He believed history was under the dominion of the Creator, and prophecy showed how the Creator was to establish His earthly kingdom in the end. His Chronology of Ancient Kingdoms Amended used astronomical data to argue that the Bible was the oldest document in the world and that the events of Biblical history preceded all other ancient histories.
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Kid's Site: Heroic Asparagus http://www.jonahmovie.com/ A heroic asparagus named Jonah is the star of his own movie. The Website has games and wallpaper based on the movie. It even shows you how to build your own Jonah fan Web site!
{Double click on the web address above for additional information:}
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When my Dad was younger, there were no T.V.'s So he had to tape everything on the VCR until television was invented!
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French Christian, physician and microbiologist Louis Pasteur applied the first successful anti-rabies vaccine to Joseph Meister, a boy who had been bit by a dog. Pasteur also developed vaccines against chicken cholera, anthrax, and swine erysipelas.
More on Louis Pasteur: http://www.answersingenesis.org/docs/1221.asp
{Double click on the web address above for additional information:}
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Dearest Howdy,
Please continue to send me "Thought and Humor" - it's just what I need on those days when laughter is the only medicine!!
Teresa K. University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill Chapel Hill, NC
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What did the leftovers say when they were put into the freezer? Foiled again.
What machine scares the daylights into you? An alarm clock.
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"Not being on the air, that's not important. But I'd like to be in the newsroom helping set the agenda."
Retired CBS Anchorman Walter Cronkite
{Dear Walter, Fair news knows no agenda - Howdy}
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Auditor: A person sent in after the battle to finish off the wounded.
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Every man needs a wife because there are a number of things that go wrong that one cannot blame on the government.
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Bible - God's Word in different languages...
http://www.scriptures.com/
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Goodbye for now & rhapsodic/felicitous/halcyon vernal duration to you!!!
Your friend, confidant, & cohort, Howdy (probably spurious) P.S. Q. Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? A. The survivors were marooned.