This Blog -
Moved To:
http://professor-howdy.blogspot.com/

KIDS' SITE: EXCAVATE A SUNKEN SHIP
http://www.pacmuseum.qc.ca/quebec1690/jeu/english/index.htm
A long time ago, a ship sank in the St. Lawrence River.
You must search for clues to uncover how old the ship is.
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Howdy says: "FORWARD TO FRIENDS & YOUR MAMA!"
First Published In Last Century - July 26,1997
Thought For The OPEN Mind - Humor From American Culture
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"It is the duty of nations, as well as of men, to
own their dependence upon the overruling power of God and
to recognize the sublime truth announced in the Holy Scriptures
and proven by all history, that those nations only are blessed
whose God is the Lord." --Abraham Lincoln

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Fathers, do not exasperate your children, instead, bring them
up in the training and instruction of the Lord. --Ephesians 6
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Q: Why did the UNC student eat the candle?
A: He needed a light refreshment.

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What would you say if someone told you they

believed a helicopter evolved without a designer?





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Q: Why is six afraid of seven ?
A: Because 7 8 9.


==================


MY ATTORNEY

After living a "decent" life, my time
on earth came to an end. The
first thing I remember is sitting on
bench in the waiting room of
what I thought to be a court house.

The doors opened and I was instructed
to come in and have a seat by
the defense table. As I looked around
I saw the "prosecutor." He was a
villainous looking gent who snarled as
he stared at me. He definitely was the
most evil person I have ever seen.

I sat down and looked to my left and
there sat my lawyer, a kind and
gentle looking man whose
appearance seemed familiar to me.

The corner door flew open and there
appeared the judge in full flowing
robes. He commanded an awesome
presence as he moved across the room.
I couldn't take my eyes off of him. As
he took his seat behind the
bench, he said, "Let us begin."

The prosecutor rose and said, "My name
is Satan and I am here to show you
why this woman belongs in hell." He
proceeded to tell of lies that I told,
things that I stole, and in the past
when I cheated others. Satan told of
other horrible perversions that
were once in my life and the more
he spoke, the further down in
my seat I sank. I was so embarrassed
that I couldn't look at anyone,
even my own lawyer, as the
Devil told of sins that even I had
completely forgotten about.

As upset as I was at Satan for telling
all these things about me, I was
equally upset at my representative
who sat there silently not offering
any form of defense at all. I know I
had been guilty of those things,
but I had done some good in my
life - couldn't that at least
equal out part of the harm I've done?

Satan finished with a fury and said,
"This woman belongs in hell, she is
guilty of all that I have charged and
there is not a person who can
prove otherwise."

When it was his turn, my lawyer first
asked if he might approach the
bench. The judge allowed this over the
strong objection of Satan, and
beckoned him to come forward.

As he got up and started walking,
I was able to see him in his full
splendor and majesty. I realized why
he seemed so familiar. This was Jesus
representing me, my Lord and my
Savior. He stopped at the bench and
softly said to the judge, "Hi Dad,"
and then he turned to address
the court.

"Satan was correct in saying that
this woman has sinned, I won't deny
any of these allegations. And yes
the wages of sin is death, and this
woman deserves to be punished."

Jesus took a deep breath and turned
to his Father with outstretched arms
and proclaimed, "However, I died
on the cross so that this person might
have eternal life and she has accepted
me as her Savior, so she is mine."

My Lord continued with, "Her name is
written in the book of life and no one
can snatch her from me. Satan still
does not understand yet. This woman is
not to be given justice, but rather mercy."

As Jesus sat down, he quietly paused,
looked at his Father and replied,
"There is nothing else that needs to
be done. I've done it all."

The judge lifted his mighty hand and
slammed the gavel down. The following
words bellowed from his lips...

"This woman is free. The penalty for her
has already been paid in full.
Case dismissed.

As my Lord led me away, I could hear
Satan ranting and raving, "I won't
give up, I'll win the next one."

I asked Jesus as he gave me my
instructions where to go next,
"Have you ever lost a case?"

Christ lovingly smiled and said,
"Everyone that has come to me and
asked me to represent them has
received the same verdict as you,
'Paid in Full.'

(Sent by Bill Reynolds in Florida)


==================

"How to Be Sure You're
a REAL Christian"
http://www.actsweb.org/htbs1.htm
or 1-888-NEED-HIM (24/7 - free call)

==================

One of the reasons for the success of the internet is its open,
peer-to-peer nature. All computers on the internet are equal,
and in the past it hasn't mattered whether your computer is
a 386 in Nguru on the end of a satellite phone or a big monster
in a New York rack. If that ever changes, I think we will lose
part of the essential, vital character of the internet. Doug Winter


==================
"How to Be Sure You're a REAL Christian"
1-888-NEED-HIM (24/7 - free call)
www.needHim.org
==================

Faith and love are apt to be spasmodic in the best of minds.
Men and women live on the brink of mysteries and harmonies
into which they never enter and with their hand on the doorlatch
they die outside. GK Chesterton

==================


Who is Jesus? (http://www.ccci.org/whoisjesus/interactive-journey/)


===============

Did you hear about the scientists who crossed a sheep with a porcupine?
They got an animal that knits its own sweaters.

===============

Two buffalo were standing on the range when a passing tourist said:
"Those are the mangiest, scroungiest, most moth-eaten miserable beasts
I have ever seen."

One of the buffalo turned to the other and said: "You know, I think I
just heard a discouraging word."



===============

"I thank God, whom I serve, as my forefathers did,
with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly
remember you in my prayers." II Timothy 1



===============


The first Easter was obviously more than a series of
events. Those touched by what took place experienced some
very strong and (for some) wonderful emotions. Learn to
embrace and experience the emotions of Easter - read the
Emotions of Easter by Dr. Woodrow Kroll.
http://www.backtothebible.org/go.htm?1148


===============
Please note: If you see a UNC student or a liberal reading
'Thought & Humor', please explain to them which is thought
& which is humor. They always get it backwards.......
===============

AMERICA ARCHIVED
http://www.archives.gov/
This government site offers access to historic documents.
View the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights.

===============

British preacher William Booth formed the Christian Mission, later
renamed the Salvation Army, in London. Determined to assail poverty
and religious indifference with the efficiency of a military
organization, Booth modeled his group after the British army, labeling
ministers "officers" and new members "recruits."

The religious and charitable movement operates in more than 100 countries:
http://www1.salvationarmy.org/

{Double click on the web address above for additional information:}

===============


Did you know that dolphins are so
intelligent that within only a few
weeks of captivity, they can train
people to stand at the very edge
of the pool and throw them fish?

===============


Dear Howdy, Indeed I am a faithful Tarheel*, having both
MA and Ph.D. from their fine chemistry department.
But that doesn't keep me from getting a great kick out
of the humor propogated by what appears to me to be
a pack of wolves!!**


SERIOUSLY, THE HUMOR IS GREAT FUN BUT MY
MAIN ATTRACTION WAS TO THE CONSERVATIVE
MORAL AND POLITICAL STANCE THAT SEEMED
TO CHARACTERIZE THE FIRST ISSUE I SAW.
INCIDENTALLY (HE SAYS ACCIDENTALLY!), it was
sent to me by a friend, so I really didn't "hear about
you" at all, and still haven't. All I know is what has
come in the two issues of the Newsletter
I have seen. The best to you.
S. P.

*Another name for UNC.
** UNC's archrival - NCSU.

===============


"Not being on the air, that's not important. But I'd like
to be in the newsroom helping set the agenda."

Retired CBS Anchorman Walter Cronkite

{Dear Walter, Fair news knows no agenda - Howdy}


===============

Bible - God's Word in different languages...

http://www.scriptures.com/

===============


Goodbye for now & rhapsodic/felicitous/halcyon vernal duration to you!!!

Your friend, confidant, & cohort,
Howdy
(probably spurious)
P.S. Right now it looks like the full color edition will have to remain on the back
burner for awhile.

DEDICATION: Doug & Deb

===============


"I believe the Bible is the best gift God has ever given to man.
All the good from the Savior of the world is communicated to
us through this book." --Abraham Lincoln

"For we must consider that we shall be as a City upon a hill.
The eyes of all people are upon us. So that if we shall deal
falsely with our God in this work we have undertaken, and
so cause Him to withdraw his present help from us, we
shall be made a story and a byword throughout the world."
--John Winthrop, Governor of the Massachusetts Bay Colony, 1630

"America was born a Christian nation. America was born
to exemplify that devotion to the elements of righteousness,
which are derived from the revelations of Holy Scriptures.
Part of the destiny of Americans lies in their daily perusal
of this great book of revelations. That if they would see
America free and pure they will make their own spirits
free and pure by this baptism of the Holy Spirit."
--Woodrow Wilson

"It cannot be emphasized too strongly or too often that this
great nation was founded, not by religionists, but by Christians;
not on religions, but on the gospel of Jesus Christ. For this
very reason peoples of other faiths have been afforded asylum,
prosperity, and freedom of worship here."
--Patrick Henry, original member of the Continental Congress


===============


Q: Why is 'Thought & Humor' so long?
A: All newspapers & magazines are long!

Q: What if I can't read all of it?
A: Delete it. Most folks don't read every word in every newspaper/magazine either?

Q: Am I required to memorize each article?
A: Nope! Delete what you don't have time for or save for another time.

Q: Is 'T & H' Spam?
A: No, it's made entirely of ham.

Q: Can I forward to friends & family?
A: Please do.

Q: How many people have had opportunity to read 'T & H' E-Mail Newspapers?
A: Well over 1 million + many forwards by you.

Q: Who is Howdy?
A: We let him think he's the boss...

===============



Four important things to KNOW:

1) For ALL (Americans, Muslims, Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist,
Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist, Brazilians, Mormons,
Methodist, French, etc.) have sinned & fall short of the glory of God.

2) For the wages of above (see #1) are DEATH (Hell, eternal separation
from God, & damnation) but the Gift (Free & at No Charge to you) of
God (Creator, Jehovah, & Trinity) is Eternal Life (Heaven) through (in
union with) Jesus Christ (God, Lord, 2nd Person of The Trinity, Messiah,
Prince of Peace & Savior).

3) For God so greatly loved & dearly prized the world (Americans, Muslims,
Jews, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhist, Asians, Presbyterians, Europeans, Baptist,
Brazilians, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc.) that He even gave up His only
begotten (unique) Son, that whosoever (anyone, anywhere, anytime - while still
living) believes (trust in, relies on, clings to, depends completely on) Him shall
have eternal (everlasting) life (heaven).

4) Jesus said: "I am THE WAY, THE TRUTH, & THE LIFE. No one (male/female
- American, Muslim, Jew, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist, Asian, Presbyterian,
European, Baptist, Brazilian, Mormons, Methodist, French, etc. ) comes (arrives)
to the Father (with GOD in Heaven) EXCEPT BY (through) ME (no other name).

This wonderful loving GOD gives you the choice - - -
(Rev. 3:20)

{Please note that church membership, baptism, doing good things, etc. are
not requirements for becoming a Christian however they are great afterwards!!!}


Jesus said, "Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction
(Hell, damnation, eternal punishment), and many enter through it. But small
is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life (Heaven, eternal happiness,
forever with God), and only a few find it. --Matthew 7:13-14


===============



Take the best medicine of all for what ails you -- laughter:
"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."
--Arnold Glasow
"Laughter is by definition healthy."
--Doris Lessing
"If somebody makes me laugh, I'm his slave for life."
--Bette Midler
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter."
--Mark Twain
"What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul."
-- Yiddish Proverb
"Laughter is an instant vacation."
-- Milton Berle
"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."
-- Victor Borge


NOTICE: The jokes published in this list were either submitted
directly to 'Thought & Humor' or are, we believe, in the public
domain. If you think that we have published a joke without
giving proper credit to its author/owner, please let us know
and we will provide appropriate credit in a future mailing.



+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The "E-Mail Newspaper" containing 'Thought & Humor'
is sent out FREE via e-mail w/o ads. This information
was sent to you because you made the request, 'Thought
& Humor' is one small attempt to obey "The Great Commission".
First published in the last century (July 26, 1997).
Soli Deo Gloria...
________ "E-Mail Newspaper (Free4u)" _________
References gleaned for great humor & information: Merry Heart,
Thomas S. Elworth, Funny List, MeMail, Daily Dose, Joke of the
Day, Kim Komando, Shagmail, MIKEY'S FUNNIES , The Daily
Tease, Crosswalk.com, humorcartoons@arcamax.com & MSKitty.
Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.


'Thought & Humor' respects your privacy and wishes to honor
your desires to not receive e-mail from us if that's your choice,
and we apologize if any message causes any inconvenience
to you or your computer. We have never given any reader's
e-mail addresses to a third party & have no plans to do such
unless the price is right:o) (Liberals please note - that was
humor) The E-Mail Newspaper is sent to you with love.

Notice: 'Thought & Humor' uses Norton Antivirus for our readers' protection.



===============

ANSWERS TO RIDDLES:

1. b) On the floor, to the left of the clutch. Hand controls,
popular in Europe, took till the late '60s to catch on.
2. b) To sprinkle clothes before ironing. Who had a steam iron?
3. c) Cold weather caused the milk to freeze and expand, popping the bottle top.
4. a) Blackjack Gum.
5. b) Special makeup was applied, followed by drawing a
seam down the back of the leg with eyebrow pencil.
6. a) 1946 Studebaker.
7. c) Wax coke bottles containing super-sweet colored water.
8. a) Wax for your flat top (butch) haircut.
9. a) With clamps, tightened by a skate key, which
you wore on a shoestring around your neck.
10. c) Eeny-meeny-miney-mo.
11. c) Polio. In beginning of August, swimming pools were closed, movies and other
public gathering places were closed to try to prevent spread of the disease.
12.. b) Taxi. Better be ready by half-past eight!
13. c) Macaroni.
14. c) Hiding under your desk, and covering your head with your arms in an A- bomb drill.
15. a) Princess Summerfallwinterspring. She was another puppet.
16. a) Immediately sniffed the purple ink to get a high.
17. b) Put in a special stamp book, they could be traded
for household items at the Green Stamp store.
18. c) Ammunition, and we'll all be free.
19. a) The all male, all black group: The Inkspots.
20. a) Tony Bennett, and he sounds just as good today.

SCORING

17- 20 correct: You are not only older than dirt, but obviously gifted with mind bloat.
Now if you could only find your glasses. Definitely a GEEZER!
12 -16 correct: Not quite dirt yet, but your mind is definitely muddy.
0 -11 correct: You are a sad excuse for a geezer or you are younger than springtime!

You are hereby required to send your score to
Howdy for final evaluation!!! Those who don't
will discover long detours on their next vacation:0)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++




Send this to four people and you
will lose two pounds. Send this
to all the people you know (or
ever knew), and you will lose 10
pounds. If you delete this message,
you will gain 10 pounds immediately.
That's why I had to pass this on --
I didn't want to risk it. Howdy
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