A sheriff walks into a saloon and shouts for everyone's attention. "Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?"
"What's he look like?", asks one shoddy-looking cowboy.
"Well", replies the Sheriff. "He wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper waistcoat, a brown paper shirt, brown paper boots, brown paper pants, and a brown paper jacket."
A police officer stops a UNC student for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."